Am I too picky/high selective?

i want a guy who is very intelligent that i can talk with him about the israeli palestinian conflict , or about richard dawkins books or my favorite book "Wuthering Heights". i want him to like traveling and learning new culture like me. i want him to be really chill and care free not jealous at all and (preferably polygamous) and funny and like jazz and rock of the 70's. i want him tall and skinny. white or black i don't care.
my friends say that i'm picky but that i should be like this and it's my right.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Israeli palestinian conflict? Welcome to the year 2000s low hanging political fruit. Let me guess, you watch downton abbey and think jane austin is just SOOO the greatest? You're not cultured. You're a chick flick hipster.

    Let me give you some perspective. My favorite painter is Adolf Hiremy Hirschl. You've never heard of him. Not many people have. The conversations i have with my friends involve the precession from the estruscan orders to the later doric and ionic, and i have a great many interests in symbolism and the hudson river painters. I've begun developing methods to use deep learning neural nets and FM synthesis to create predictive evolutionary algorithms based on the s&p500, and i want to backpack to Mu Cang Chai in vietnam and visit the top of the tepui plateau in Venezuela, see the view from Mount Roraima.

    Does this make me cultured and impressive? of course not. Its just a braggy list of my most obscure and unrelatable interests. I've taken steps to distance myself from people, in an attempt to look superior to them. Lets take a step down to earth.

    I like the glitch mob, led zeppelin, and i like the tesla roadster and the avengers movies. And i have a 10000x chance of meeting a girl with an interest in one of these than i do any of the other obscure crap that i project onto her. If she does not know about that, i can teach her, and if she's not interested, she doesn't have to be. We just have to feel comfortable together. Which i guarantee you, is YOUR biggest problem. Because if you can find a man who somehow fits that criteria, he will not be comfortable around you. He may not even like you.

    • Definitely, I agree with what you're saying!
      My SOs "obscure" interest is motorbike riding, specifically supercross. So while we bonded over music, movies, science and similar humour, I am now learning about supercross, just like I teach him some of the things I am into. Because we care about each other and want to learn. Opposed to just trying to find someone who's already an expert on all topics.

      It's nice having those different interests you can spend time teaching each other and see their love and interest in it. And even though I can never mirror his love of bikes, I can appreciate it, and he can be comfortable with his 'obscure" hobby and discussions.

    • @bbch25 i don't think motorbikes are that obscure interests... just different. i mean maybe if it was an obscure motorbike that only certain people knew about that someone HAD to know about and appreciate in order to date him. like i wanna get a GSXR, but even that is a pretty mainstream choice.

      my ex honestly had terrible taste. but what matters is she was totally open to all of the stuff that i shared with her, and we actually bonded a lot over that. cause we liked a lot of the same things, she just hadn't been exposed to the same artists and music. she wasn't super smart either, but she was funny and a nice person... really fun to be around. it was only when she got really jealous and insecure and stuff, kept on being self destructive and actively avoiding my help she was just unbearable to deal with. cause the things she would intentionally fuck up on affected me. took me a long time to learn to stop loving her. but she kept on spiraling, hurting herself and me in the process.

Most Helpful Girl

  • For somebody who really values intelligence I find it a little shocking that your grammar isn't on point. I'm not calling you dumb, I know some people care less about what they post on the internet, but I'm just saying, live up to your standards or people won't take you as seriously.

    Now I do think you're being more hyper-specific than picky. You're picking very self-specific interests that is going to be difficult to find in another person unless you really want to just date yourself. All I'm saying is be open minded.

    You can find a lot o intelligent guys that like 70's rock, but somebody who is going to enjoy and even be aware of all of your specific interests? That might be difficult. Besides, it's cool getting with people who have at least their own unique interests outside of yours because it opens up more areas for deeper conversation instead of a run around of:

    "I like this."

    "Yeah I like this too."

    Hopefully this makes sense.

    • English isn't my mother tongue and i just learned it 3 years ago so i it's the best i can do and yeah i think you're right.

    • Ahhh okay well that's forgivable if it isn't your first language.


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What Guys Said 14

  • That's a little picky. Given my age and background, I would have been a decent fit, but I am not tall and don't really want to talk about the Middle East. And I know next to nothing about Wutherering Heights other than thete's a guy named Heathcliff and I think it's an Edith Wharton novel.

    • nope emily brontë

    • I always get the Brontë sisters, Edith Wharton, and Jane Austen confused.

    • it's nothing many people of my age never heard of them and i think what's happening in the middle east is interesting plus i'm north African so it's pretty close

  • lol... this is INSANELY specific. Yeah it's too picky. Look, being this selective comes with an inherent understanding that filling these requirements will take time (if not impossible). It's your call but society doesn't wanna' hear you complain when you can't find this one specific guy.

    Good luck with all that.

  • There's nothing at ALL with being as specific as you want. However...

    First, most guys your age with have very little to no interest in a lot of that. And second, the note specific your requirements the less potential people you'll meet. So if you're willing to wait and wait and wait for the one that's juuuust right... Then more power to you. :-)

  • guys like us exist... but rarely at your age.

    1/ there is no "israel", there is only a fraud, terrorist, occupying state that has stolen and defiled Palestine.

    2/ Richard Dawkins is a fallacy using fraud, makes me ashamed to BE an atheist-he's a fucking biologist-that's his expertise, evolution, etc... NOT atheism... he doesn't even GRASP what "agnostic" means, in short, fuck I'd like to punch that guy! decent atheists don't LOWER themselves to Christian standards by using fallacies, I recommend bill nye or lawrence krauss-at least they keep their arguments IN the realm of logic.

    3/ did you know "chevy chase" is mentioned in wuthering heights?

    • Isn't my man Rd an agnostic technically

    • Show All
    • @Prettyapathetic pfft i explained it someone a bagillion months ago

    • I've explained it to people like 5 times

  • lulz trust me if you meet a guy you actually like, you will be more than willing to throw out this "checklist" that you seem to have.

    • i know but last time he was an ignorant jerk so i'm keeping my list

  • Wayyyyy too picky. Polygamous is for people who can't commit. Basically pussy and they never work out.

  • Good luck with that.

  • The whole polygamous thing ain't gonna happen. The rest is pretty much up to my level.

  • That's not picky, picky would be:

    - Hot
    - Smart
    - Kind
    - Long eyelashes
    - Straight teeth
    - Must be tall
    - Green/Blue eyes color
    - Must not be a fuckboy
    - Have a car
    - Have money
    - Romantic

    So on...

    So don't worry lol

  • They just say that, till you make it a reality.

  • Whatever helps you succeed

  • Oh Jesus H.

    Why does everyone always cite Wuthering Heights. I've read the book three times now. I hate that book.

    Like people act like it's the ultimate piece of literature and it's what makes you well read.

    Next class that requires me to read it I'm going to take a shit on the page where Catherines talking about sharing the same soul with Candy bar boy (heath bars +cliff bars, get it?)

    Fuck that book...

    • well i love it, it's the ultimate love story fuck "Pride and Prejudice " turning crazy because your love one is your soul and your life , and the need of catherines for heathcliff is contradictory to her greedy and elitist view of the word that shows that she really loves him there's no way she would choose a poor non educated guy if he wasn't deeply engraved in her heart (yes i'm a fucking romantic )

  • you seem to have a lot of minor details about him already picked out , the odds of finding someone perfect aren't that good , maybe you have to meet a guy and get him into the things you find interesting

    • well he have to be open minded and intelligent that's all i ask for

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What Girls Said 3

  • I feel like being too selective in a potential partner can shut you off to a lot of interesting and lovely people. It's good to have some standards and things in common, but I think you should perhaps broaden your horizons just a bit. You might end up falling in love with someone you wouldn't have expected.

    • well i already fell for a guy a year ago and he was ignorant and hateful toward my gay friends so i'd rather date someone like i describe it.

    • Well obviously something like that is important to have in common. I'm talking more like, appearances and hobbies. Core values are not something you should compromise on if they're important to you.

  • My boyfriend must have a job, a house at least 6'3 give me 300 dollars a month to get my hair done, he must be handsome, not weird, must be a fighter and beat up guys for me..

    Lol I'm kidding.

    Yeah your kind of picky, most girls want a fairly tale or a flawless boyfriend. Most girls wand perfection so these standards are decent

  • I don't know how on earth you are going to find someone who can discuss controversial topics but also be chill and care free. You are mistaken to think that your partner should have the same interest as you. What makes a good relationship has nothing to do with them liking the same things you do.