Red Flags

Hey,

Now there are universal red flags when you start dating, but I want to know about the more subtle/unusual red flags youve come accross.

as an example, about a few years ago I had been dating this one girl for about 2 months, we were both at a local festival and we kept running into people she knew. And at no point did she introduce me, now I noticed it at the time and although I was surprised I didn't take it on board, but on reflection I now see this as a majour red flag because it shows a lack of respect for the person your with.

I want to hear what storys you guys and gals have.

Thanks

-Chris


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Most Helpful Guy

  • All red flags, are just examples of the larger violation of principles:

    - respect

    Here is the basic "principle" question you have to ask yourself when dating a girl:

    "Does she respect me, as a person, as a man, and as someone she's dating?"

    or..

    "Could she care less about me, and cares only or mostly about herself?"

    This goes hand-in-hand with the basic theory in psychology; that there are only two emotions (love & fear)

    Someone who is filled with fear, lacks to capacity to love. Someone who is filled with love, lacks the capacity to fear.

    With that said, let the testing begin:

    - Other women: How do they feel about her? How does she feel about them? A big red flag in my book, is a girl who uses words like "slut, slutty, hoe wh0re" to describe other women. That just communicates to me that this girl has issues with sex, and more importantly, is selfish & controlling! Think about it. She has a certain belief. Others don't conform or comply with it, and she gets angry, enough to try and punish them verbally. That spells bad news for down the relationship.

    - Other guys: How do other guys feel about her? This comes in two forms. Is she on good terms with her exes? No? Same as an employee who doesn't have good references from their past employer. Find out why. Although the reason from her mouth to year ears will always be that her ex was a jerk, find her ex and hear his side of the story. It also comes in the form of guys she just dates. How often does she date? When she does, does the guy feel used? If that's the trend, chances are, you're next.

    - Her friends: losers? bored? party-animals? most likely, she has the same pre-disposition, and is seeking drama as a form of excitement & fun.

    - Her: What is she doing with her life? Medicine? Law? Business? Accounting? If she has no ambitions for herself, yet has plenty of desires like a family & marriage, guess who she expects to single-handedly finance her future? Girls who are doing nothing with themselves lack the capacity to see you as a person, and respect you. You'll always be some guy in the house who pays the bills, and she has to have sex with from time to time so he doesn't leave.

    - Opposite-day: If a girl says, "I don't ask for a lot, I don't spend a lot, I'm not easy, I'm not cheap, I'm not that kinda girl".. RUN.. seriously.. she's trying to sell herself.. because she knows that's exactly how she is.. and is trying to convince you otherwise.. people who are worth dating.. don't feel the slightest bit motivated to try and convince you why they're worth it..

    - How she treats you: Are you always paying? Are you always waiting on her? Is it always about her? Are you sexually satisfied? Does she even care? Does she respect you? Are you emotionally satisfied? Do her friends know who you are? Does she walk around with you in public & present you as her bf? Is she proud & happy to be your gf? If not.. look no further..

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't know how subtle these are but here are some:

    - If he's rude to a waiter/waitress

    - If he says bad things about other people, esp women (sister, mother, ex)

    - If he drives aggressively, disrespecting other drivers

    Here's a funny one:

    when my ex and I were first dating, it was pouring rain one night when we came out of a club, and we didn't have umbrellas. We ran to his car and he opened his door first (he didn't have a remote). He left me standing there while he got in and opened my lock from the inside!

    He ended up being an incredibly selfish person, and that was a HUGE clue right there that I didn't see.

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    • This is so true, those three pointers are things we take for granted sometimes but are so true!

  • my boyfriend always runs into people he knows at the store and stuff... but ALL of them are girls, perfectly beautiful and skinny and all that good stuff. and when we were looking at eachothers phones I saw that all his pics and contacts were girls. I just figured he doesn't get along with guys very well, but I should have known he was a player and sleeps around with lots of girls.

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  • i try to get to know the guy better without the physical so I can know what I'm dealing with before we get serious. if a guy is impatient and can't wait for me, then that is a red flag that he wants quick sex as soon as possible and doesn't really care about getting to know me

    if a guy is disrespectful towards women and sexist, that is a red flag because he's not going to treat me well

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What Guys Said 2

  • Red flags for a relationship in it's early stages:

    She's inconsistent - a girl who says one thing and does another about anything, you need to get rid of.

    She cancels dates twice in a row for ANY reason and doesn't offer to reschedule - a girl who's interested WANTS to date you.

    None of her friends know who you are - if you're important, she'll want her friends to know you.

    She tests you - when a girl takes something out of proportion to get a rise out of you, that's a trait you can do without.

    She heistates when you want to spend time together - big big red flag. It's not one which guys want to digest but it's one you have to be objective about. And no, she isn't shy.

    She doesn't ask personal questions - if you're on a date and she expresses no interest in your life or little fascination about you, she's looking to fill time/after a free meal.

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    • I agree, if we really have to cancel but are still interested we'll make a point to reschedule :)

  • I can't relate but, if I was in that situation it wouldn't bother me because the more people I get introduced to then the more I get judged by people.I really hate that and I don't take kindly to criticism.As long as she doesn't mind being seen holding hands with you then you've got nothing to worry about.Maybe your girl is just lazy to introduce you to all her friends or maybe she just thinks you are old enough to introduce yourself to others.If the situation really bothers just ask her.Communicating is the most important thing in a relationship.

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