Would you ever change something about yourself for your partner?

My ex said he liked my short hair but wanted me to grow it out to be long so that he could pull on it during sex...
then I apparently wore too much mascara and he disliked certain clothes which I looked at buying.
Everyone has a preference but would you change anything for them?
I didn't change my hair cause it's my choice, I wouldn't change anything unless it was to better myself, like stopping a bad habit.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're with someone, you're with them because you like them for who they are when you met them and after some time; got to know them.

    It depends on what they want me to change.

    I wear basketball shorts with flip flops all day because it's comfortable.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nope, Jesus said"Come as you are!" Lol. If I ever got the thought to change something to please a partner I'd change my relationship status to single. He fell in love with the person I was so why change into someone else. If he is bored he can go play with his dick not my feelings.

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What Guys Said 9

  • If you're with someone and you care about them, especially if you love them, then it is only natural to have a desire instilled within you to change for them, because it would make them happy. Therefore, of course I have changed myself for others, because it was their desire I do so, but I'm speaking about externally and not internally.

    What I mean is, if a person I was with wanted me to start wearing blue jeans instead of slacks and it made them happier in life and being with me, because they felt I looked better in blue jeans instead of slacks and they liked how it made my butt looked in them, then seriously what does it take away from me to give in to their request. It is just appearances, and a person's self-esteem and self-confidence shouldn't be measured by what you wear or how you look, but in who and what you are.

    My point is, when you're with someone you love and/or care about, and they ask you to do something like grow your hair out or change the way you dress, and they're doing it because they feel it would better who you are and not for a selfish or malicious reason, then in my point of view, if it doesn't do harm to me, then by all means indulge the one you love and care about and give them what they want. Especially, and I can't stress this enough, especially if they are doing the same for you, such as a guy asking a girl to grow her hair longer, and the girl asking the guy to change the way he dresses or use a different cologne because it appeals to their libido more, or even when a girl asked me to shave my beard, because it scratched her face.

    Did not a painter once cut off his ear for a girl? We do many, many, things in the name of love, but as long as it is not affecting us in a negative way, then by all means, indulge those we love and adore, because in the end, shouldn't love and relationships be about compromise and communication and giving each other what we need, want, and desire. That really should be how it is in my view point. Again, especially, if it cost us nothing internally to give in to such indulgences.

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    • 3mo

      Ah yes but my ex never compromised or sacrificed anything for me. He always bought me things but didn't show me empathy, or respect. He put down my feelings and turned them around onto me so I ended up apologising for his actions! Actions which were wrong and upset me.
      Also I shouldn't have to change anything, especially if it's just please someone else. If he told me he hated my hair colour and it didn't suit me I'd change it cause if it looks that bad I don't want it but to tell me to cut my hair for sexual reasons is stupid.
      Also I never wore make up to work or anything, I only wore it when we went out somewhere for a meal or something and kept it minimal if it was somewhere low key.
      The thing is there's asking them to do something cause you love them and asking them to do it in order to control them. My ex tried to control me and everything I did. That's not love.

    • 3mo

      If this is the case, then you are completely justified in your feelings. I mean, in my opinion, if he’s not showing you any empathy or respect this is truly doesn’t know what it means to be in a stable, healthy, relationship, and that’s not fair or right you are forced to carry all the weight and responsibility of keeping the relationship moving forward. He should be compromising with you as much as you do for him. He should never ask anything of you he’s not willing to do in return in like manner.

      I agree that’s not love. As I pointed out earlier when you are in a relationship, you should be compromising with each other and doing things for each other that bring about harmony together. It should not be on-sided. If you are doing something for him then in like turn he should be doing something for you. I’m not saying either that is should always be immediate, and it has to be a constant ‘game’ of I won’t do this unless you do that; that’s not what I’m getting at.

    • 3mo

      Each of you should be taking care of the other in your physical, sexual, emotional, and mental needs.

  • no this is me love me
    or fuck off

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  • maybe i would

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  • yeah but it really depends on what it is...

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  • It depends on what it is. If it's something that hold dear, hell no. If it's a trivial issue that I don't care about, maybe.

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  • eh maybe. im not to keen to it by the way

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  • Not a chance ever...

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  • Sure. But I don't know

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What Girls Said 12

  • No. I'm open to hearing my boyfriend's opinions about what he likes to see me in, but he's happy to have me as I am. Some days he likes the makeup because it shows I'm trying to look better for him. Other days he prefers me in sweats with no makeup at all.

    It's good to change up clothing in terms of being dressed casually versus being dressed up for a date, but he shouldn't be saying he wants your hair longer or to always wear less makeup. Maybe spend days without makeup. But don't actually change a part of yourself for him.

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  • Never ever ever. If my ex ever told me that he didn't like the way I dressed or did my hair, I'd look at at him and tell him too bad lol. Good thing he never did that though. He always told me he loved everything about me and wouldn't change anything.

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  • There are certain things that I just can't change.

    For example, I would never cut my hair super super short. I like my hair long.

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  • No. I might take suggestions but that's it

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  • If it's not too extreme and not too much, I'd consider it. Doesn't mean I'll do it. With your examples, it sounds like those things are part of who you are. It's okay if you wanna keep being as you are.

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  • No.. you either like me or you don't.

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  • No I would never change myself for anybody. They have to learn to accept me for who I am.

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  • I wouldn't because if you're with someone, they're supposed to like everything about you and not want anything to be changed. If I change something it's for myself. If he wanted me to change then I'd know he isn't the right guy.

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  • Hell nah if he loves me than he'll love the hell out of my weird habits too! Straight up! if he doesn't like what clothes your wearing or how much mascara your putting on or whatever than he should deal with it.

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  • Depends on what that something is

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  • Nahh not really 😅

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  • No, because those kind of partners are never satisfied. They want a little doll, not a human relationship.

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