Guy won't date me because of my dog, am I overreacting?

So I was dating this guy for about a month and talking for several months. I met him back in April. He was really nice, cute, sweet, and he complimented me and all that good stuff.

Then he found out I have a dog. I have my beagle for mental health therapy (I have Bi-Polar Disorder and BPD) and so I told him she's not going anywhere. I ended up having to tell him I had Bi-polar to help explain why my dog is needed. However, he told me he's allergic to dogs and if we ever lived together, she can't come. Which, to me, is completely bogus because he's spent the night at my apartment several times with her there and he has an air filter is his house that's designed to filter animal hair. He then said he was worried that he'd never see me because he's working and going to school, even though I will soon not be working and this has not been a problem until like... yesterday when he told me we shouldn't date.

Oh, and one last thing. No, we didn't have sex, but we messed around the past couple days. Monday at my place and yesterday at his. 5 minutes after I leave his house, he texts me and says we shouldn't date.

I'm really irritated. I feel like his reasons are flimsy and there's another reason why he doesn't want to date me, but he really emphasized that it was my dog. And I just think that's bull. He wants me to be his friend but I'm too annoyed to even talk to him right now.

Am I overreacting?

Updates:
3mo FYI, maybe I didn't say this, but I like being fair in my questions. I've only known that he had a problem with my dog for a couple of weeks. I didn't know he had an issue with it until the day after he spent the night for the first time but that was like two or three weeks ago.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's full of crap probs don't like dogs I can't stand dogs only coz I got my face ripped off wen I woz a kid my girlfriend had a dog wen we meet 5 years ago she said she would get rid of it Bt I said no coz she had the dog (staff) 3 year b4 we met all I said if it needed anythin she would AV to do it not me an she woz happy wiv that

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Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 4

  • As one with similar allergies (but much more strongly to cats than dogs) I can kind of relate, especially if you two haven't reached a very serious level yet in the relationship.

    I tried living with a cat before with an air filter while I was a child (my parent's cat) and I was still miserable and sneezing all the time with itchy eyes. It got to the point where I was losing sleep and getting fatigued all the time as well as irritable all throughout the day while shy to speak to others since I was sneezing and sleepless and my eyes were killing me.

    Since you require a dog always with your condition, for me if it was a cat instead and I wasn't absolutely in love with you yet, I might call it off for the same reason (no excuse).

    I can't say for sure if his reasons are genuine but I think there's a chance they genuinely might be if his allergies to dogs are as bad as mine are to cats.

    If so I think it's just an unfortunate incompatibility.

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    • 3mo

      The only reason I don't believe him is because of when he told me. He's been over several times a week and had no problem being around her as long as she wasn't on the furniture. And we messed around and then 5 minutes, literally, QUITE LITERALLY, 5 minutes after I leave his house, ready to get on the highway to my place, he tells me he doesn't want to date me. I was there for 4 hours and nothing, no indication and I don't believe this was something he just thought of as I left. That's what makes me suspicious more than anything else.

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    • 3mo

      Actually, I don't know if he's allergic to her. At first he said she bothered his asthma then said he was allergic to her. I mean, it's not news that I have a dog. He's known for a while that I've had one, even before I first physically met him.

    • 3mo

      That is quite odd. I don't know if this will bring comfort to you but whether his reasons for calling it off are genuine or excuses, the end result is the same. And any guy who makes you choose him or your beloved pet is probably best let go in search of someone who will accept the both of you.

  • Did you tell him about you being bi-polar before or after he said he couldn't date you because of the dog?

    Maybe he thinks you'll put the dog before him all the time and he wants to be your #1. Maybe he's jealous of what may happen :/
    It's kind of a weird reason to not date someone if he's not allergic to dogs, unless he's afraid of them.

    I don't think you're overreacting, it's your dog, and this guy basically said "choose me or the dog".
    I would just move on if I were you.

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  • Nope not over rating at all. I gotta date a dog lover

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  • It's valid and no. I see two choices here.

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What Girls Said 16

  • Even if he blames the dog as an excuse to not date anymore, it really doesn't matter what the real reason is. What matters is that he didn't like you enough to stay with you. If that's the case, you both shouldn't date, and he made the right decision to let you guys separate rather than having you think that things are fine when they really aren't. Now, you both are free to date more compatible people.

    Now, maybe his allergies are a bit complex than you think, and it could annoy him to have an air filter on all day all night everyday just to put up with a dog. Another reason could be is that some people just don't like dogs, which is perfectly fine, and if that was the case, he could have been honest with you about it, but maybe he didn't want to upset you or appear as a cold-hearted person, becuase most of the time, people can't fathom why people hate dogs or cats, therefore sometimes people feel pressured to accept domesticated animals before being damned to hell.

    Just dust it off, move on and love your dog. The dog was there long before he showed up anyway. Oh, that's an idea; maybe that dog was t here to protect you from dating the wrong person. That's a thought.

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    • 3mo

      Haha, my friend said the same thing because the last guy I was with, my dog would be pee near or on his stuff lol. Maybe my dog is here to ward off butt heads hahaha

    • 3mo

      Lol, well, there's your confirmation! Your dog is your guardian angel!

  • Tbh it just seems like he hates dogs and reconsidered you as a partner because you own one. I think it's ridiculous and childish and a sign you should cut him off. And no, you're not overreacting - I own a dog and every normal thinking human being would understand that it's completely normal to get attached to them, they're not called "a man's best friend" for no reason. And if someone ever suggested that I should get rid of my dog or forced me to decide for either them or her, I'd dump them in an instant. The audacity alone is just.. So yeah, dogs over idiots 👍

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  • I'm just going to base this off the lrgy, because I don't really want to touch the mental health issue (which obviously could be a problem for him, and understandably, but he should be honest!).
    If he had an air filter thing, and it was ok for a couple nights, that's not something you want forever. Also, he could've found when he got home he had a rash or was scratchy or felt some minor symptoms that got through the air filter. And he really did realise he can't keep that up long term.

    If you want to know the truth perhaps ask him again and say, look, was it really about the dog or do you not want to date someone with any mental health issues. Tell him you won't judge him and it's alright. He may still say it's the dog (which may be true or a lie). Maybe he thinks he's being nicer this way.

    But, it COULD be true about the allergy. Like my SO is allergic to cats, which he discovered when he met my mum. He gets sniffles, sneezing, red eyes etc from it. He could visit her sometimes and take a tablet sure, but long term? That wouldn't work if it was my cat at my place.

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    • 3mo

      He was at my place for over 12 hours with a rash, scratch, itch, or sneeze. His eyes didn't even turn red.

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    • 3mo

      I don't have an air filter in my house. And my dog has never been to his house to know if his air filter works or not.

      I understand what you're saying, but I just know the reasons you listed can't be it because we haven't been in that situation yet. And you're right, him texting me after I leave is extremely pathetic.

    • 3mo

      Hmmm, unless he took allergy tablets, at which point why not just tell you about them.

      Whether his allergy is a lie or not. It's pathetic to text the moment you leave. And he's hardly a good person to keep around. Whether it's because of your mental health or because he just wanted sex and you didn't give it up, or perhaps something else entirely.
      You deserved better than that.

  • You're not overreacting. My brother is allergic to all animal hair (that's why he has snakes for pets) but anyway, his now wife, then girlfriend had a cat called Badger. Badger is my brothers absolute favourite, he dotes on her like crazy, she's his cat more than his wife's now and even when she's suggested she doesn't like the cat, my brother says you'll never get rid of her!! That's how it should be. Trust people who like animals, I don't trust people who don't like animals. Of course allergies suck but my brother just takes antihistamines!

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  • its not the dog, that was just his excuse for not being capable of dealing with your mental health issues

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  • No you're not overreacting. He's being completely irrational and using you by fooling around with you and then not even having the guts to tell you to your face that it's your dog he doesn't want around. Honestly, you need your dog and he should respect that. So go find a man who actually deserves you! And you're better off finding a guy who's not only okay with you having a dog, but someone who likes it.

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  • I personally feel like from your story that he's using the dog as an excuse. I don't know why he wanted to not see you any longer, but I think he was just looking for a reason and found one with the dog.

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    • 3mo

      That's what I think, too, but he swears up and down it's because he can't live with a dog and he knows I need one.

    • 3mo

      I know that living together is the most natural progression, but if that was really his concern I think it would be more of a "cross that bridge when we came to it" sort of situation. Why panic about living together within the first few months of dating? I dunno, obviously I can't read his mind, but it seems kind of off to me.

  • I have never met anyone with an allergy to dogs so dont know if he's being honest or not. Did he know about your bipolar disorder before you told him? That could actually be the reason as to why he dumped you and not the dog. Its easier to blame something like you having a dog then to say he doesn't want to date you because of your bipolar disorder. Either way it sounds harsh but you can do better anyways girl.

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    • 3mo

      No, he didn't. I told him like... I think a week and a half ago.

    • 3mo

      It could be for any reason really. Maybe he even found someone else? Its weird though. You leave then all of a sudden he texts you saying he doesn't want to date you. Something was brewing in his mind.

  • I don't think you're overreacting at all. I feel like there's an underlying issue as to why he isn't feeling it. If I read it right (I'm a little out of it sorry) he started this behavior when you told him why you need the dog, and maybe that turned him off (it'd be a bad reason too turn him off) Whatever it is, it seems like an excuse.

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  • You're right his reasons are stupid. He sounds like an animal hater. Nah your not overreacting. Do you think he might have met someone else? Because normally guys use stupid excuses to cover things up.

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    • 3mo

      Doubt it. Dude has never had a girlfriend before lol, but maybe he did meet someone else.

  • What an asshole. He should be of no loss to you, you can do better.

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  • Nope.

    That guy is full of bullshit. My sister is allergic to cat hair and would not be able to spend several hours in apartment where a cats lived.

    Maybe he is just scared of dogs.

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  • You're not overreacting at all. If you're allergic then you should not be around animals. He should understand that.

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    • 3mo

      I'm not allergic, he is. But he didn't tell me until after he stayed with me a couple nights and he knew I had a dog this entire time, but it wasn't a huge issue until yesterday.

  • Did he already know about your disorder?
    If not then maybe it's that and he's just blaming it on the dog?

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    • 3mo

      I told him about a little over a week ago. He's been over to my apartment before I told him about it and spent the night several times before I told him.

  • No, I don't think you are. He might have pet allergies, but as you said there are ways around that. Sounds like he just doesn't like dogs or pets even.

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