Seriously, so many times I've gotten to know a young lady, texted her, built rapport with her, and then made clear my intentions through compliments and telling her I like her--you know, did everything according to social protocol. No matter what, however, it always results in the girl ceasing communication with me (not responding to my texts and calls), ignoring me, moving seats away from me in classes, refusing to say "hi" back when I greet her, etc.
What the fucking fuck? What is this stupid bullshit? I don't mind rejection; trust me, I've gotten used to it. But what the fuck is this? Why won't they just flat out tell me that they're not interested so that I can stop wasting my valuable damn time? All it does is seriously piss me off.
I prefer to be direct. I hate when people are indirect with me and I don't want to lead someone on. The very thing men ask for (directness) seems to be the thing they lose their shit over most quickly, however. I tell guys I don't want to talk to them, to leave me alone, to stop being creepy etc and then they write rants about awful women like me who have the guts to just be forthright and honest. No man takes rejection well, and few actually take it like a proverbial man these days so no matter what it seems like we women are so domineering and offensive.
I get that girls are put in danger when they hurt a man's ego who an potentially turn and physically harm them. I completely get that. I really do.
It's just a real shame. Because so many girls are quicker to tell a guy she isn't interested because he's "too nice" instead of "not very good-looking" or "socially awkward".
So now, we have a generation of men convinced that instead of taking better care of themselves or working on their people skills to do better with women, what they really need to do is become sociopaths. This is a problem.
Why are so many guys so directly aggressive when being rejected? Eg resorting to insulting you and making butthurt remarks when you straight up tell them you're not interested. It goes both ways really.
Ghosting has unfortunately become the new thing to do when deciding to reject a person, but that doesn't mean I agree with it. Perhaps a girl has had a negative reaction in the past when rejecting someone or isn't confrontational and afraid to directly hurt your feelings? I've definitely had less than stellar reactions when I've turned someone down but I always try and be direct regardless, it's only fair to all parties involved. But a younger girl is more likely to have a more immature approach.
It sucks to say "I have no interest in you" to a guy for many reasons. For one, hurting feelings is no fun. Secondly, some guys act like dicks when they're flat out rejected. Thirdly, some guys still don't give up and try to say they'll change your mind.
If a girls giving you the cold shoulder you should probably just take the hint and leave her alone.
if it's worthy anything I always straight out say to guy: sorry I'm not interested cause I would want someone doing that to me but some girls think that is unkind, I get you guys, it's completely opossite when you give clear answer it's more respectful and it gives a person clear slate to move on
If a guy directly tells me he likes me, then I tell him I have a boyfriend, or before I had a boyfriend if I just found the guy unattractive it would be "Sorry but I think I like you more as a friend" or "Sorry but I just don't like you that way" or something along these lines. Why not just a straight up "No" or "I don't like you"? Seems a bit of a harsh way of saying it, as someone who is very sensitive and easily hurt, I try to be sensitive to other people.
Now if the guy hints at liking me but doesn't directly SAY it, then I either casually bring up my boyfriend, or before I had a boyfriend and found a guy unattractive, I would simply try to make it clear in other ways I wasn't interested by acting disinterested and not paying them much attention. Why didn't I just say "I don't like you that way"? Well, since they hadn't directly told me they liked me, it might be a bit out of no where if I were to just come out with "I just see you as a friend". Besides, what if I'd misread them and they in fact DIDN'T like me either, would that not be awkward and embarrassing, would they not find me a bit of a big-head for thinking they fancied me when they didn't?
However, if you told a girl you liked her and she didn't just TELL you she wasn't interested back but instead just avoided you, I really don't know what's going on in her mind. Perhaps she just doesn't know hot to reject someone or whatever, I dunno
It works both ways. I have been ghosted on a few times. Just cut off communication out of no where. BOTH sexes I know probably just feel so awkward and bad about it that it is easier to disappear. Is it right for the other person? Not at all. But I have done it and it has been done to me. It won't forever though, one time it will work out when it counts.
So you want me to say " get out my face you ugly mfer"? There are men who dont take this passive aggressive rejection well. And stock and sometimes kill women. Imagine if we actually told you what we where thinking. No thanks id rather stay passive aggressive and not get killed by a man with a bruised ego.
I'm not defending her, but I think it is because some women have bad experiences with men who get upset at being directly rejected. I remember one time when I use to ride the bus I rejected this guy who was a stranger and he asked me why.
I don`t like when ANYONE does that. You should always be direct and say how you really feel. But some people are scared to say how they really feel. Maybe because they feel like they will get harassed or something.
I have many male friends and if one appears to get a little flirty, I tend to ignore it. If he makes a move (asking me out, trying to kiss me, confessing he likes me etc) and I don't feel the same, I just try to kindly let him down and stay friends. If he is uncapable of being friendly, I tend to take some more distance since he didn't get the hint.
Most of the time my friends are just friends though!
Because people want to avoid the awkwardness of turning someone down, they don't want to feel guilty about either.. so their hoping you get the hints and leave them alone. Men have done countless times as well, it sucks.. I agree it's best to be honest instead making someone guess and worry if you like them or not
You need to learn to just take a hint and move on. You're the one who is being strangely persistent after she's shown you that she is not interested. You don't get to control what other people say or do, you just have to read the social cues.
First of all you only 20 years old, it's not the end of the world. Second if this happens quite often look in the mirror and see what you're doing wrong.. And don't tell me you're doing everything right because obviously that's not happening
its probably because she doesn't want to tell you directly and "hurt your feelings" and is trying to drop hints... for example avoiding you. When she does that, you know she's not interested. That's just the way girls are.
Guys do this too.
What do you want her to do? Lead you on? Flirt with you while she doesn't give a shit? Then you would label her an attention-whore, wouldn't you? The fact that someone ignores you, should give you the message. If a man ignores the shit out of me, I get the message and I move on. No hard feelings. I seriously do not understand what guys want. If we are friendly they label us as attention-whores. If we show our direct disinterest in them we are ungrateful bitches. If we ignore them we are passive-aggressive hoes. There is no win.
I'm sorry you were treated that way. Women have been generally known to be the more passive aggressive gender while men are generally the more assertive gender. I don't mind rejection either and I'm pretty used to it. This "young lady" probably had a negative experience from rejecting someone. Not all guys are like us and take it well. Or she's probably immature and doesn't know how to properly reject someone because ghosting is more hurtful than rejection. I wouldn't waste my time on these types of girls. As soon as you see someone ghosting you, just don't interact with them anymore. Don't assume she's playing hard to get. Even if she's playing hard to get, she would act like that throughout the whole relationship like one guy wrote in his myTake @ManOnFire
Hey I can do one better. I was out right flirting with my freind from day one and after I asked her out after knowing her for two months she says that she thought that I was just being nice and flirty. She even flirted back most of the time. Now were just freind but still why did she just not say that she does not like me that way.
Another women I pursued waited 3 months before realizing that her "Ignoring" my advances was not working and just one day told me to stop talking to her. Cause she did not like me that way. So why did she not on day one just say something? To save me the effort and humiliation of going after her for 3 months. We might have even been friends if she asked me not to flirt with her on day one.
Don't even get me started on how women usually attempt to make fun of you and hurt your feelings when they don't like it when you approach them.
Because girls are more emotional than men... and have less tact when it comes to relationships. Men are direct, logical and straightforward women expect men to ask... straightforward... simple. Men have more tact because they get better results compared to sitting on their ass or standing there looking like an idiot in a mini skirt.
Unless you're some supermodel bad boy stereotype, women are extremely unlikely to decide if they like you just by looking, like men do. Women need a chance to interact with you so they can read your personality and body language.
As evident by your tantrum post here, you are impatient with women. They want to take things at thier own pace and you keep pestering them. They avoid you so you don't go all psycho on them like you did with your post here.
If a woman doesn't respond to, then guess what, there's billions more out there. If none of them like you, then obviously the problem is you, not them.
well it's not them man, it's you. your approach sucks. you don't beg at the girls table for a scrap. you SEDUCE her... YOU make it HER idea. You make yourself attractive... everything sounds okay except when you show her your cards... where's the mystery? what the fuck?
so instead of declaring your crush (this isn't high school anymore), your move is to lean in close and whisper some shit to her, perhaps a joke about the professor, etc. you get closer to her (in friendship) yet remain mysterious, you introduce topics of sex-perhaps as simple as "that's what she said" at first... moving on more seriously... and as long as you act interesting (which also means YOU already have a girl you're involved with that you talk to THIS girl about) you work it til she starts working YOU to check the mystery-starts touching you during laughter, etc... but you have a lot to learn here... so I'll stop there.
Part of it has to do with assuming how he's going to handle it. In the last moth and a half , I was rejected buy 3 or 4 women and I thought they were very direct to me and I respected what they had to say. Not to mention they were Accually kinda nice girls. Maybe it's your attitude of rejection that brings this on
I know how you feel, I have been rejected multiple times by this method. But I can't say I can blame them. Some girls report that many a guy simply can't take a no for an answer. And the one time I had to reject a girl, I decided not to be a hypocrite and do it directly and bluntly - took me 3 if not more hours to finally get her to stop responding and pleading. Clingy as fuck, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Should have probably just ghosted.
Sorry, it's not them, it's you. Something you are doing is putting them off. So no, you are not doing everything according to social protocol. You think you are, but there is something you are not getting (https://en. wikipedia. org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect). I expect that they are giving you polite "no thanks" signs earlier, and you are not getting the message. You also seem to have the idea that if you follow some imaginary set of rules (paying compliments, telling them you like them) then women owe you some attention or affection. They don't. Women can sense this attitude in about 30 seconds and it's extremely creepy.
If you have a sister or other female friend, try asking them. Tell them every interaction you have had with a woman of interest and see what they think about your approach.
Here's another idea: just try to make friends with women without trying to date them. When you can make friends, you won't have any trouble dating.
Learning about body language is key to understanding girls. Don't make it known you want her through your words. Try and be friends first and make it genuine that you want to be friends. Even if you get friend zoned, being friends with a girl gives you more opportunities to meet more girls. The way you're going about it makes you come across as desperate and there's nothing more unattractive than desperation. I feel the opposite of you right now. All I get are girls trying to get me to approach me and I know it's because of my body language. I show confidence and a warm open body language. Read up and familiarize yourself with body language. But it also helps on my end growing up with a lot of girls.
That is one of those eternal 'wtf' questions - mostly, I think, they rejected someone outright and it backfired (men are a lot stronger and much more intimidating). But also, if she thinks you didn't approach right, or has her own issues to deal with - you get the sort of 'it's all your fault' (for not living up to her fantasy of how the world should be) crap. That said, don't bother with the social protocol - if you're not feeling it they'll always doubt you (and assign all sorts of looney intentions to you out of own traumas and fears) - go with the sentiment (in which case protocol doesn't matter one bit). Let's just say I've asked directly for what I wanted within 5 minutes - and got it (and failed too, btw)
They're indirect because being direct makes people hostile, and hostile men who get physically violent are a bitch to handle because they're uncivilized scumbags who prey upon the weak and have no sense of human decency