Why are so many women indirect and passive-aggressive when it comes to rejecting men?

Seriously, so many times I've gotten to know a young lady, texted her, built rapport with her, and then made clear my intentions through compliments and telling her I like her--you know, did everything according to social protocol. No matter what, however, it always results in the girl ceasing communication with me (not responding to my texts and calls), ignoring me, moving seats away from me in classes, refusing to say "hi" back when I greet her, etc.

What the fucking fuck? What is this stupid bullshit? I don't mind rejection; trust me, I've gotten used to it. But what the fuck is this? Why won't they just flat out tell me that they're not interested so that I can stop wasting my valuable damn time? All it does is seriously piss me off.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I prefer to be direct. I hate when people are indirect with me and I don't want to lead someone on. The very thing men ask for (directness) seems to be the thing they lose their shit over most quickly, however. I tell guys I don't want to talk to them, to leave me alone, to stop being creepy etc and then they write rants about awful women like me who have the guts to just be forthright and honest. No man takes rejection well, and few actually take it like a proverbial man these days so no matter what it seems like we women are so domineering and offensive.

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    • 3mo

      I personally don't know you but I run across a lot of these lame types of whiny males who just don't like being told no. Thank you if you aren't one of them♡

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    • 3mo

      @peachblossomluck I know they don't but it helps somewhat

    • 3mo

      @TheSpartan no I'm picky when it comes to dating women

Most Helpful Guy

  • I get that girls are put in danger when they hurt a man's ego who an potentially turn and physically harm them. I completely get that. I really do.

    It's just a real shame.
    Because so many girls are quicker to tell a guy she isn't interested because he's "too nice" instead of "not very good-looking" or "socially awkward".

    So now, we have a generation of men convinced that instead of taking better care of themselves or working on their people skills to do better with women, what they really need to do is become sociopaths.
    This is a problem.

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    • 3mo

      ghosting is way more harmful to the ego. and in reality without cause, ie with a "nice guy" there's no risk-so SHE'S the one being sociopathic if she ghosts him when the worst he might do is look crushed which is 90% of men at worst. (ie likely much higher)

What Girls Said 35

  • Why are so many guys so directly aggressive when being rejected? Eg resorting to insulting you and making butthurt remarks when you straight up tell them you're not interested.
    It goes both ways really.

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    • 3mo

      This is what happened to me. The guy lost his shit.

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    • 3mo

      @YellowCactus not so funny when they are the aggressive drunk type.. That can actually be really scary & even dangerous

    • 3mo

      @Jxpxtxr well then go out with drunk people or search boyfriend in the bar, simple as that. Not that I support that type of behaviour but it is really amusing when a guy becomes buthurted over minor thing like being rejected and then calls you every name under the sun

      by the way I mean it in a factual way not physically violent way.

  • Ghosting has unfortunately become the new thing to do when deciding to reject a person, but that doesn't mean I agree with it. Perhaps a girl has had a negative reaction in the past when rejecting someone or isn't confrontational and afraid to directly hurt your feelings? I've definitely had less than stellar reactions when I've turned someone down but I always try and be direct regardless, it's only fair to all parties involved. But a younger girl is more likely to have a more immature approach.

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    • 3mo

      It's just a dangerous thing to do. What if she pisses off a violent or emotional guy? He'll find her and kick the ever-living shit out of her. I wouldn't do that (I've got some restraint), but I know that there are MANY men whom might do that.

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    • 3mo

      @NatashaJ You think it's a nice thing to do?

    • 3mo

      Nice no, but if then again if the person pissed you off or you don't like them after something happen its becomes handy I do it only to assholes or to guys who don't realize how they fuck up with me.

  • It's because they're childish and spineless. Just completely cowardly. If I'm not interested in someone I kindly tell them I'm not interested. No mind games, and no acting like an asshole either.

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  • It sucks to say "I have no interest in you" to a guy for many reasons. For one, hurting feelings is no fun. Secondly, some guys act like dicks when they're flat out rejected. Thirdly, some guys still don't give up and try to say they'll change your mind.

    If a girls giving you the cold shoulder you should probably just take the hint and leave her alone.

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    • 3mo

      I don't take "hints". I respect only bluntness.

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    • 3mo

      You're pretty fragile if you think being ignored is abuse.

      You're also saying you'd hit girls for ignoring you if you could. The fuck is wrong with you.

    • 3mo

      I used the word abuse as hyperbole.

      Um, yeah, obviously I have the desire to hit a woman whom ignores me. Why wouldn't I want to see her bleed?

  • Because a lot of times when a woman flat out rejects a guy to his face he gets angry and it can be very uncomfortable and even scary.

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  • if it's worthy anything I always straight out say to guy: sorry I'm not interested
    cause I would want someone doing that to me
    but some girls think that is unkind, I get you guys, it's completely opossite
    when you give clear answer it's more respectful and it gives a person clear slate to move on

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  • To put it simply, it's because we don't have any balls, lmao.
    But seriously, only petty girls do that sort of thing.

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  • If a guy directly tells me he likes me, then I tell him I have a boyfriend, or before I had a boyfriend if I just found the guy unattractive it would be "Sorry but I think I like you more as a friend" or "Sorry but I just don't like you that way" or something along these lines. Why not just a straight up "No" or "I don't like you"? Seems a bit of a harsh way of saying it, as someone who is very sensitive and easily hurt, I try to be sensitive to other people.

    Now if the guy hints at liking me but doesn't directly SAY it, then I either casually bring up my boyfriend, or before I had a boyfriend and found a guy unattractive, I would simply try to make it clear in other ways I wasn't interested by acting disinterested and not paying them much attention. Why didn't I just say "I don't like you that way"? Well, since they hadn't directly told me they liked me, it might be a bit out of no where if I were to just come out with "I just see you as a friend". Besides, what if I'd misread them and they in fact DIDN'T like me either, would that not be awkward and embarrassing, would they not find me a bit of a big-head for thinking they fancied me when they didn't?

    However, if you told a girl you liked her and she didn't just TELL you she wasn't interested back but instead just avoided you, I really don't know what's going on in her mind. Perhaps she just doesn't know hot to reject someone or whatever, I dunno

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  • It works both ways. I have been ghosted on a few times. Just cut off communication out of no where. BOTH sexes I know probably just feel so awkward and bad about it that it is easier to disappear. Is it right for the other person? Not at all. But I have done it and it has been done to me. It won't forever though, one time it will work out when it counts.

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    • 3mo

      I'm sure both sexes do it, but I wouldn't know since I don't pursue men.

    • 2mo

      Right. But your question asked why women do that. It just happens in the dating world to everyone. I don't get that angry about it, I might get a little bummed and wonder why and then move on. Like I said, when it is meant to work out, it will.

  • Because sometimes saying no thanks in a kind way isn't enough the get the message across. Also we never know if the guy is the explosive type when he gets turned down.

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    • 3mo

      I think he is talking about the ones who don't say "No" at all...

      They are indirect and unclear when the guy asks them out... Instead of telling said guy "They are not interested"

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    • 3mo

      since data shows WOMEN initiate MOST domestic violence... you're barking up the wrong fallacy here. FEW men are "explosive" from a polite rejection. So what really happens is this is what you do if it's ONLY YOU you consider-what's EASIEST for you-that's the REAL issue, and as he said, you end up hurting the man more and if he IS the actual minority "explosive type" you actually INCREASED your odds of him stalking and harming you.

      got logic? #bogusfeministnarratives

  • So you want me to say " get out my face you ugly mfer"?
    There are men who dont take this passive aggressive rejection well. And stock and sometimes kill women.
    Imagine if we actually told you what we where thinking. No thanks id rather stay passive aggressive and not get killed by a man with a bruised ego.

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    • 3mo

      No, that's a false dichotomy, and you know it. She can simply say "sorry, I'm not interested in you."

      Honestly, I'm much more likely to kill a woman whose indirect and ghosts me over a woman whose direct. If she's direct, it means she respects me. If she's not, it means she's a worthless, disgusting bitch--and Lord knows that it's taken a lot of restraint not to kick the shit out of women whom do this to me.

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    • 3mo

      @feminismisnarcissism exactly she said I was twisting her words around and that the problem was men on this site LOL. this lady is off her horse. ALthough I do know men can also get like this I noticed its mostly looked down upon so its stopped and corrected as soon as we show this behavior whereas with females, it is tolerated because they are ''always right''. She is probably just used to men saying '' yes you are right'' and being sheltered so in her eyes she always thinks she is using logic then when people really try and use logic against her she gets emotional and calls us insecure. She truly is narcissistic and needs help.

    • 3mo

      @Bobbyhill1 she seems to avoid me lol. I have "the eyes" for people like this. And they know when someone spots them too. They don't like being outed.

  • Because of they were aggressive-aggressive, we would be called a bitch.

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    • 3mo

      No, I'd respect a woman more for that.

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    • 3mo

      @Pacificblue62 guys do the same, I've seen it on here.

    • 3mo

      @Shorty1991 not saying they don't, but rainbowfangirl doesn't want to be notified anymore so it's best we respect that.

  • I'm not defending her, but I think it is because some women have bad experiences with men who get upset at being directly rejected. I remember one time when I use to ride the bus I rejected this guy who was a stranger and he asked me why.

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  • Hold on- why are 'so many' women indirect about rejecting men? Or do you mean this one girl being indirect about rejecting you?

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    • 3mo

      No, I've had this happen several, several times.

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    • 3mo

      there are deniers out there that ignore this. Even my mom says that if she doesn't like a guy she gives out a fake number. In fact, its quite common for a women to give out fake numbers, avoid you etc. the reason being is because a lot of guys act like kids when they get rejected. So in response to that, females may feel intimated by you. maybe, you are coming off as a little creepy and you seem like the type of guy who would lash out?

    • 3mo

      Yes, they won't, but only after I've told them I like them.

  • I don`t like when ANYONE does that. You should always be direct and say how you really feel. But some people are scared to say how they really feel. Maybe because they feel like they will get harassed or something.

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  • I have many male friends and if one appears to get a little flirty, I tend to ignore it. If he makes a move (asking me out, trying to kiss me, confessing he likes me etc) and I don't feel the same, I just try to kindly let him down and stay friends. If he is uncapable of being friendly, I tend to take some more distance since he didn't get the hint.

    Most of the time my friends are just friends though!

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  • Because people want to avoid the awkwardness of turning someone down, they don't want to feel guilty about either.. so their hoping you get the hints and leave them alone. Men have done countless times as well, it sucks.. I agree it's best to be honest instead making someone guess and worry if you like them or not

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  • Because women are taught not to be direct, it's seen as rude or cold

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  • Im not

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  • It's another form of rejection.

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  • Maybe you need to wait for the lady that will show you signs that she is interested in you

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  • You need to learn to just take a hint and move on. You're the one who is being strangely persistent after she's shown you that she is not interested. You don't get to control what other people say or do, you just have to read the social cues.

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    • 3mo

      Nope, sorry. If she wants to reject me, she can tell me herself that she's not interested.

      Passive-aggressive social cues are for pathetic people. I mean, if I'm not supposed to be persistent, how else am I supposed to get who or what I want? Why should I stop for some indecisive social cue?

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    • 3mo

      so if everybody on here wants to judge me for being annoying then none of you fuckers are no fucking better then I am

    • 3mo

      and i hope all you bastards have what's coming to ya's

  • It's easier than being straight up cause then they don't have to deal with the butthurt.

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  • Because straight up saying no or fuck off will get you verbally or physically assaulted.

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    • 3mo

      And rightfully so. Perhaps if you didn't reject men for unfair reasons that wouldn't happen.

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    • 3mo

      Nobody has ever verbally or physically assaulted me for rejecting me lol. Jokes on you. Most men I know are gentlemen, REAL men unlike you.

    • 3mo

      *for rejecting them

  • Lmao I wish I could tell you.. Women really do that?

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  • First of all you only 20 years old, it's not the end of the world. Second if this happens quite often look in the mirror and see what you're doing wrong.. And don't tell me you're doing everything right because obviously that's not happening

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    • 3mo

      it's not just him that this happening to there's hundreds of thousands of men that are going through the same thing

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    • 3mo

      @CancerianMan81 that is a question. Yeah I read the comments.

    • 3mo

      @bobbyxx yeah I know that's how women have got me feeling

  • its probably because she doesn't want to tell you directly and "hurt your feelings" and is trying to drop hints... for example avoiding you. When she does that, you know she's not interested. That's just the way girls are.

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  • Guys do this too.

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  • What do you want her to do? Lead you on? Flirt with you while she doesn't give a shit? Then you would label her an attention-whore, wouldn't you? The fact that someone ignores you, should give you the message. If a man ignores the shit out of me, I get the message and I move on. No hard feelings.
    I seriously do not understand what guys want.
    If we are friendly they label us as attention-whores.
    If we show our direct disinterest in them we are ungrateful bitches.
    If we ignore them we are passive-aggressive hoes.
    There is no win.

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    • 3mo

      I want women to just flat out tell me when they're not interested. Ignoring is what bitchy little immature children do.

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    • 3mo

      Indifference is a form of rejection too and I would take it as such. Anyway, let's agree to disagree.

    • 3mo

      You can. I'm not going to accept that type of rejection in my life, and I haven't so far.

  • No one wants to give people news that'll make them sad/feel bad, like rejection. So they're probably trying to spare any embarrassment hoping you'll just let it go and you can resume as friends

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    • 3mo

      I would rather get a clear answer and move on faster then wasting even more time, this is so dumb...

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    • 3mo

      Not really no

    • 3mo

      How so?

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What Guys Said 34

  • Hey I can do one better. I was out right flirting with my freind from day one and after I asked her out after knowing her for two months she says that she thought that I was just being nice and flirty. She even flirted back most of the time. Now were just freind but still why did she just not say that she does not like me that way.

    Another women I pursued waited 3 months before realizing that her "Ignoring" my advances was not working and just one day told me to stop talking to her. Cause she did not like me that way. So why did she not on day one just say something? To save me the effort and humiliation of going after her for 3 months. We might have even been friends if she asked me not to flirt with her on day one.

    Don't even get me started on how women usually attempt to make fun of you and hurt your feelings when they don't like it when you approach them.

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  • I'm sorry you were treated that way. Women have been generally known to be the more passive aggressive gender while men are generally the more assertive gender. I don't mind rejection either and I'm pretty used to it. This "young lady" probably had a negative experience from rejecting someone. Not all guys are like us and take it well. Or she's probably immature and doesn't know how to properly reject someone because ghosting is more hurtful than rejection. I wouldn't waste my time on these types of girls. As soon as you see someone ghosting you, just don't interact with them anymore. Don't assume she's playing hard to get. Even if she's playing hard to get, she would act like that throughout the whole relationship like one guy wrote in his myTake @ManOnFire

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  • Because girls are more emotional than men... and have less tact when it comes to relationships. Men are direct, logical and straightforward women expect men to ask... straightforward... simple. Men have more tact because they get better results compared to sitting on their ass or standing there looking like an idiot in a mini skirt.

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  • Because you're clueless about women.

    Unless you're some supermodel bad boy stereotype, women are extremely unlikely to decide if they like you just by looking, like men do. Women need a chance to interact with you so they can read your personality and body language.

    As evident by your tantrum post here, you are impatient with women. They want to take things at thier own pace and you keep pestering them. They avoid you so you don't go all psycho on them like you did with your post here.

    If a woman doesn't respond to, then guess what, there's billions more out there. If none of them like you, then obviously the problem is you, not them.

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    • 3mo

      I don't think I'm impatient with women. I work hard to develop an acquaintanceship over a span of weeks or months.

      Obviously SOMETHING is wrong with me. But, how the flying fuck am I supposed to know what it is?

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    • 3mo

      WTF dude? I've tried that to. It doesn't work.

      Also, I make my intentions obvious from the beginning.

    • 3mo

      Calling someone "creepy" is like calling someone a "communist" in the 50s. It's meaningless bullshit meant to just slander the other person.

  • well it's not them man, it's you. your approach sucks. you don't beg at the girls table for a scrap. you SEDUCE her... YOU make it HER idea. You make yourself attractive... everything sounds okay except when you show her your cards... where's the mystery? what the fuck?

    so instead of declaring your crush (this isn't high school anymore), your move is to lean in close and whisper some shit to her, perhaps a joke about the professor, etc. you get closer to her (in friendship) yet remain mysterious, you introduce topics of sex-perhaps as simple as "that's what she said" at first... moving on more seriously... and as long as you act interesting (which also means YOU already have a girl you're involved with that you talk to THIS girl about) you work it til she starts working YOU to check the mystery-starts touching you during laughter, etc... but you have a lot to learn here... so I'll stop there.

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  • Part of it has to do with assuming how he's going to handle it. In the last moth and a half , I was rejected buy 3 or 4 women and I thought they were very direct to me and I respected what they had to say. Not to mention they were Accually kinda nice girls. Maybe it's your attitude of rejection that brings this on

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  • I fucking hate females
    I fucking love them too
    It's a curse

    This literally happened to me recently.
    She wasted my time for no reason!
    I don't know bro... Just fuck sloots don't worry about building a relationship, women don't appreciate shot anymore

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  • because they dont want to hurt our feelings but actually this is most hurtful.

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    • 3mo

      right, that's the CLAIM, but in reality they don't want to risk their TIME or a scene, etc... ie they don't want to WITNESS the hurt look etc... so it's really about HER feelings 90% of the time when this happens. If the dude is buku creepy-OKAY, i get ghosting. or if he doesn't take a hint, OKAY. but as a response to a polite declaration of interest? FUCK NO, that's a selfish, obnoxious, entitled woman who does that-and thus did him a FAVOR.

      But to HAVE this happen requires a poor approach in the first place, so it's 100% avoidable.

    • 3mo

      Anonman is the fucking redpill master.

    • 3mo

      @TheSpartan haha thanks man.

  • I know how you feel, I have been rejected multiple times by this method. But I can't say I can blame them. Some girls report that many a guy simply can't take a no for an answer.
    And the one time I had to reject a girl, I decided not to be a hypocrite and do it directly and bluntly - took me 3 if not more hours to finally get her to stop responding and pleading. Clingy as fuck, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Should have probably just ghosted.

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    • 3mo

      Don't ever EVER ghost people. That hurts so bad. It fucks with you emotionally.

      Also, spot on. Girls are passive aggressive with rejection because they are wary with how the guy may react. I rejected a guy head on and he took it so hard. He called me a bitch as unadded me on everything. So I just vowed to myself to be as nice as possible with rejection.

  • What you describe is just female nature. Learn to accept it as a cost of doing business. Do not let it affect you and move on.

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  • Sorry, it's not them, it's you. Something you are doing is putting them off. So no, you are not doing everything according to social protocol. You think you are, but there is something you are not getting (https://en. wikipedia. org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect).
    I expect that they are giving you polite "no thanks" signs earlier, and you are not getting the message. You also seem to have the idea that if you follow some imaginary set of rules (paying compliments, telling them you like them) then women owe you some attention or affection. They don't. Women can sense this attitude in about 30 seconds and it's extremely creepy.

    If you have a sister or other female friend, try asking them. Tell them every interaction you have had with a woman of interest and see what they think about your approach.

    Here's another idea: just try to make friends with women without trying to date them. When you can make friends, you won't have any trouble dating.

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    • 3mo

      I don't think women "owe" me anything, but I am obviously frustrated when the protocol doesn't work, and then they won't straight up tell me that they're not interested.

      Also, I have no idea what "creepy" is supposed to mean. I've never been creeped out in my entire life, so I have absolutely no idea what it feels like. If someone comes off as threatening, I know that I can beat their ass bloody without difficulty.

      Are you telling me that I'm not following the formula right? What's the "correct" formula?

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    • 3mo

      No, I think women respect men that aren't pushover pussies whom put up with that garbage.

    • 3mo

      What "basic social graces" am I missing? That women are bitchy and like to ignore men whom like them?

  • Most are the same way when they like someone lol, so maybe they are always like that in love

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  • Learning about body language is key to understanding girls. Don't make it known you want her through your words. Try and be friends first and make it genuine that you want to be friends. Even if you get friend zoned, being friends with a girl gives you more opportunities to meet more girls. The way you're going about it makes you come across as desperate and there's nothing more unattractive than desperation.
    I feel the opposite of you right now. All I get are girls trying to get me to approach me and I know it's because of my body language. I show confidence and a warm open body language. Read up and familiarize yourself with body language. But it also helps on my end growing up with a lot of girls.

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  • That is one of those eternal 'wtf' questions - mostly, I think, they rejected someone outright and it backfired (men are a lot stronger and much more intimidating). But also, if she thinks you didn't approach right, or has her own issues to deal with - you get the sort of 'it's all your fault' (for not living up to her fantasy of how the world should be) crap.
    That said, don't bother with the social protocol - if you're not feeling it they'll always doubt you (and assign all sorts of looney intentions to you out of own traumas and fears) - go with the sentiment (in which case protocol doesn't matter one bit). Let's just say I've asked directly for what I wanted within 5 minutes - and got it (and failed too, btw)

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    • 3mo

      meh, the type of women you describe aren't worth any decent man's time in the first place. and they're a dime a dozen.

    • 3mo

      @feminismisnarcissism Not saying they are - I agree it's not a good use of time pursuing those, just saying they do exist and are the probably cause for asker's experience.

  • Cause being direct might invite physical violence that the average woman is not built to take.

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  • Because women have no balls.

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  • Ghosts are assholes but males do this too sometimes.

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  • Exactly it's never the rejection that's the issue. It's the rude and awkward ghosting that's infuriating.

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  • As soon as they stop talking to you/keeping their distance dude, it's over lol

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  • They're indirect because being direct makes people hostile, and hostile men who get physically violent are a bitch to handle because they're uncivilized scumbags who prey upon the weak and have no sense of human decency

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    • 3mo

      A man is more likely to cause an even bigger seen if you ignore his ass for no reason.

    • 3mo

      @BubbleBoy69 I'm pretty sure that's a question of temperament and not of having a penis or a vagina

    • 3mo

      You were talking about men who would get violent at being rejected. I'm saying ignoring him is to cause an even bigger problem for women down the line. At least if he gets violent in public people will come to her aid and restrain him.

      If she ignores he's more likely to do something even dangerous to her.

  • Idfk wish i knew

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  • you know there is such a thing as "female douchebags" if a passive aggressive rejection happens, you probably met one of those xD just be happy, that you didnยดt get with that horrible person!

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  • some girls are just trash hybrids.

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  • What's your anterior motive? in my opinion, if you have one other than to just be friends with them and not expecting anything in return, you're going to get this (passive aggressiveness).

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    • 3mo

      I don't have an ulterior motive. I make it clear that I'm romantically and sexually interested in the woman.

  • I have seen plenty of " FUCK OFF CREEP " style rejections delivered at men whilst working as door staff !! If she ignores you , then do likewise to her & forget her , just move on !!

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  • Women are just pathetic like that.

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  • I concur blue ticks and time wasting mind games is ridiculous and disrespectful

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  • historically rejecting a males advances resulted in rape and or murder modern civilization is new
    primal civilization has been on for 100,000's of years during that time rape was common

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  • Because girls now days have grown up being able to hide behind their phones and not be confrontational.

    It is such a shitty thing to do.

    I am dealing with the same thing right now.

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  • Because women today act like cunts. Pretty simple explanation dude.

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