Am I being stupid and naive to be curious and want to live in the moment with my on-and-off-again relationship? Is he taking advantage of me?

I've been on-and-off with a guy since I was 16. After my first year of university, he broke up with me because he thought that was what God was calling him to do. He is interested in missions work & wasn't sure how to maintain a relationship through that. We don't break up very well & continued to see each other which caused heartache & confusion. We officially got back together in September when I began my second year. He then said he would be leaving on a missions trip for 6 months in November. I was so heartbroken & upset but knew it would make him happy. In November, he left & I was lonely. After months, he broke up with me & decided to stay an extra 3 months (until August). He didn't want to hold me back and felt that was what God wanted for him. I started to ignore him he'd continue to message me & try to get in contact with me. He came back about two weeks ago, I've seen him twice. When we first saw each other it was romantic & physical - it was amazing. The next time we talked about the potential of us again. I find it very confusing because I enjoy living in the moment & seeing where life takes me, whereas my family think he's selfish & disrespectful to me. FYI, he's the absolute nicest person I've ever met & has never treated me with an ounce of disrespect. He has a tendency to be irresponsible with emotions but he just can't stay away from me (which I don't mind). I want to talk things through but my family thinks I should cut it off. They're judgmental about the situation & say they're "protective". They claim to understand what's going on & won't stop giving me hell for seeing him. It makes me resent them. I understand that he's been foolish but I'm willing to try to figure things out. Am I stupid or naive for loving him so much that I'm willing to continue to give him chances? It's a hard situation to explain, he's a very unique individual with a kind soul who loves God. He wants to do the best he can but no one's perfect. We're only 20 after all!

Updates:
3mo It's hard because I can't explain all the details without going over the word count. Our emotional connection is spot on, sometimes I think he's my soulmate. We're so in love but it's so hard because he's screwed up a couple times and now my family doesn't like him anymore. :-(

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What Guys Said 2

  • From someone who was also religious (up until 3 years ago) I pull advise you to consider going your separate ways. He is brainwashed and while he remains this way will always choose his idea of "God" over you.

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  • he broke up with you because god called him? that is the most dumbest crap ever.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Assuming you want to be in a relationship that is stable and not with someone who is so hot and cold about whether or not they're interested in you... then yeah, I'd say you're being pretty naive.

    You guys are still pretty young. Perhaps he never had bad intentions, or never wished to hurt you directly. However, I think it's safe to say that he's not interested. He hasn't completely cut off contact, true. Does that mean that he has long-term plans to stay with you, though? Not at all. This is a classic case of someone playing hot and cold. Keeping you around for the sake of convenience, but not displaying any actual interest in pursuing a serious (much less legitimate) relationship with you.

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