Why Do People Date Knowing They Aren't Ready For A Relationship?

Why Do People Date Knowing They Aren't Ready For A Relationship?

I never understood this. People, both male and female and of all ages and ethnic backgrounds, date all the time but then tell the other person they are not ready for a relationship knowing the entire time that they are not ready for one.

Like, I don't get it. I know some people use it as a way to let someone down that they aren't interested in, but there are way too many people who know starting out they don't have time for a relationship but continue to lead the other person on anyway. And sex isn't the issue, either. Whether or not they get it, they still do this. Is it for power? Glory? Cure for loneliness? What is it?

  • The power
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  • The glory
    15% (3)17% (4)16% (7)Vote
  • They're bored
    60% (12)67% (16)64% (28)Vote
  • To be a jerk/bitch
    25% (5)8% (2)15% (7)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I believe it is time for option number five in my belief. I don’t think they are doing it for power or glory or that they are bored per see. I believe it has to do with loneliness and not wanting to be by themselves, especially if we’re around the time of the holidays. Humans are social creatures by nature, just as we are sexual creatures by nature and if we can’t have the one, we will still seek out the other.

    Realistically, even if someone is not ready for a relationship or they just want to let the other person down gently, the fact remains in my opinion, that even when someone isn’t ready, they still don’t want to be by themselves. Just look at the friends around you. If you could out to a social event and a person is alone while others have partners to share the day/evening with, they tend to have less of a good time.

    You’ll have the rare occurrences where you’ll have someone who is confident enough in themselves not to bow to social pressures, but typically if someone doesn’t have a plus one to a party, then tend to not go, or you have those cases were widows take their daughters, brother ask their cousin…et cetera.

    Individuals don’t want to others to believe there’s something wrong with them; like “why don’t you have a date,” or “are you here by yourself,” type of statements. It makes a person feel bad about themselves and it makes them feel self-conscious, therefore as I was saying, it isn’t I don’t believe about power, glory, or being bored, but about not wanting to appear weak or as if something is wrong with you, because if you’re alone, then obviously something’s wrong with you.

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Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 19

  • Your options really don't fit everyone. In my instance I was divorced back in 2014. It was not something I wanted. My ex lied about a lot of things and about 3 months after it was final I found out she had been cheating on me. That really messed with me and, illogically, my thought was "I'll teach her, I will date". So I started dating. I went through a lot of women in 2 months with online dating. But I realized finally that I was just not anywhere close to being ready to date. I stopped about the beginning of June and took the rest of the year to get myself straight. When I was finally ready, I started again. I dated one women for about 3 weeks then I found someone I dated for 8 months. But After that was over I took another break, dated a couple women early this year. But when one of the women (who had decided to explore another guy) called me out of the blue, I realized that I am finally taking time to make myself happy. I don't have to deal with women, I don't have to worry about texting or calling someone. I am just doing things I want to do. So I told her I was not interested in dating. I am not going to say I will never date again. I will just explore my current state until either I decide this is what I want permanently, or I decide I want to find someone. I found my ex wife when I had decided not to look for anyone. So sometimes, when you stop looking, that is when you find the right person.
    So I think a lot of people don't really realize it until faced with it head on.
    Also, a LOT of men and women are too chicken shit to just tell the person they are with the truth. most of the time when someone says "I am not ready for a relationship" it simply means they don't want one with that person.

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    • 3mo

      Your situation doesn't pertain to the question. I'm only asking about people who know they don't want a relationship nor have the time, which is why the options are what they are.

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    • 3mo

      again.. you don't seem to see this exactly fits and you don't seem to understand. Try reading again...

    • 3mo

      Try getting the fuck off my question since you obviously can't read because for the last time IT doesn't PERTAIN TO THE QUESTION.

  • A lot of people are just lonly and want to date casually. Of course these people need to inforn the other person that is what they are doing. The people that enjoy heurtinbg others by playing the game are sick people. It's that "do unto others" thing.

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  • Those poll options are remarkably silly, I'm not voting for either because they make zero sense whatsoever.

    They think the relationship and having a boyfriend / girlfriend in general will make them happy.

    None of this "glory power" bullshit, wtf seriously

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    • 3mo

      Your answer has nothing to do with what asked. They already know they won't have one in the end so your answer is a bit moot and the poll options aren't silly because several people do it for the reasons I listed.

    • 3mo

      In that case they do it for the possibility of sex, which is still not a poll option

    • 3mo

      It's not a poll option because I addressed it in the paragraphs I wrote.

  • They are bored, lonely want companionship.

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  • girls needs validation sense, and a sane dose of D
    once they got both usually they jump from a dude to another

    for males usually can be the same, but for my 2 cents, when you do it it is to try to forget your last relationship

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  • 5th option: Just wanting casual sex, even if they end up not getting any they will still try. If not horny then they are probably bored.

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  • Their weak.

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  • Wtf happened to the cure for loneliness option? That's a thing, and that's why I'd do it if I wasn't ready for a relationship. You have no idea how lonely it is going to an all boys school and being a relatively shy introvert outside of it.

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  • to get layed or use the other person in some other way

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  • I don't know sometimes i feel like i want to be with someone. Nothing sexual. But for some people it is.

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  • Because most of the time they're lonely. And because of some stigma that single people are losers, so the just rush it😠

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  • For sex?

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  • It varies but for some people, they just don't like being single or aren't used to it.

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  • They think they're ready/bored so jump into it not knowing what will be the outcome.

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  • Emotional drought

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  • I wanted casual sex. But no girl would let me in until I pledged comittment first.

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  • i think it has a lot to do with the fact that girls need an unbelievable amount of validation

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  • They're bored :D

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  • dey r dum

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What Girls Said 11

  • Well I'm already dealing with such a situation, not myself but let's just say somebody I know. People do it because of many reasons:

    1. They always wanted to date: Everybody at some point in their lives wanted to get married and have kids at least once in their life time. As we get older our perspective changes at times. And rarely if it didn't at all. Which is even better. However while they are not competent enough to know what it actually takes to maintain a relationship, it won't stop them for doing what they want.

    2. Pressure, Expectations & Obligations: Wither its their family, friends or community. Somebody is hoping, praying and expecting a person to be dating. Regardless if its because they want you to be happy, to get married, have kids, whatever. And sometimes, maybe their jealous that your HAPPY by yourself and just want you to screw up by dating somebody! Relationships are great in its place. But it takes work, it comes with a lot of stress. If your with the wrong kind of person doing all the wrong things, your going to regret it. Your not ready for that kind of responsibility. Especially if it becomes sexual. But by whatever law or tradition, you have to do it or else...

    3. Misery, Loneliness & Fear: Think about what I said in #1. You want to have a relationship, but you know your not ready. Maybe you never asked for it. But somebody suddenly just draws you in, because of your feelings. Say your a widow, or you lost the love of your life. Somebody might have cheated on you, or you cheated on them, something happened -- maybe between family, friends or whatever that helped deteriorate the relationship. Whatever. But your now by yourself. You don't mind it at first, but then eventually all your past memories and mistakes flood in. Or you have always been by yourself for years. You never dated, or you had only a few but it never became exclusive. Things never went anywhere. Your miserable, but you may never admit that. Your lonely, and you know it. But now your afraid, because you don't know what how the twist and turns of your life.

    NOW despite all of the cons of your problems, and you've never moved on from past relationships, the death of a lover/loved one and its very visible that your not happy. You rather have the pros, even when your friends and family is trying to reason. And its still early! Say a few days to less than the 1st anniversary of a dead person. BUT! Your jumping into the dating pool and or marriage right away.

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    • 3mo

      All while neglecting their basic needs. Getting counseling. Going to the doctor. Having more time to heal on their own.

      Here is a learning lesson: NOBODY on this earth can ever be the center of your happiness or cure loneliness. Ever. This is extremely unhealthy and the relationship is bound to fail, because you're getting into a relationship all for the wrong reasons. Your heaping up problems that you don't want, your emotionally taxing the other person to death [literally]. Instead of developing healthy habits, your allowing this person to become your enabler. In the end it will hurt other people around you. That includes your kids, your parents, your extended family, friends, neighbors, employers, etc. All those involved in your life will suffer just as much.

      If you have not moved on, your going to get hurt even more when your projecting your past lovers or dead spouse onto that other person. Not healthy. They are their own person, not another (fill in the blink). Don't rush this!

    • 3mo

      Sense of Power can also be a factor since people basically want to take control over their lives, even though none of that is really in our control at all. Yes, things are about choices. But we cannot control life or death. Wither death of a persons life, or the death of a personal relationship. However, death of a personal relationship is entirely up to us. And by doing this just for power and control can also make a person a jerk, because remember like I said before. Rushing into a relationship your not ready for and using that person as a emotional crutch is NOT HEALTHY. Your being a jerk if you let your insecurities get to you and it effects the relationship. If you can't control your problems that is why you shouldn't be in it. That is neglect.

      Being bored is hardly the issue, they can always find something better to do. They don't need a partner to cure boredom. That is a sign or laziness. Glory however is subjective. But there is no glory in hurting other people for your...

    • 3mo

      choices, all for the sake of happiness. But you make other people miserable, or they can no longer function as they should around you. All hate, envy and jealousy aside. But its out of concern.

  • I don't think being ready for a relationship is quite that simple, and all that black and white. I'm sure many people think they are ready then a month or so into the relationship, realize that's not the case. If that realization is one-sided and their partner is very much invested in the relationship already, it'd be a classic case of one staying in the relationship because they'd feel bad to rain on the other's parade.

    We seriously have to stop assuming that being led on or lied to is always with evil or poor intentions. White lies are a very real thing.

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  • I answered for being bored but at the same time I think it is mostly because it is natural social human behavior to be with the other sex. It makes sense that people want to hang out and have fun with the other sex but only that depending on where they are at in their lives or whatever the reason might be. I have never been that person but I kind of get it. If I always had a plethora of cute guys to hang out with and a few relationships and was younger then I would do the same, it would be fun. However, I am kind of an introvert and very picky so I don't meet many people and am attracted to even fewer, but I always wished I could just take it or leave it and have fun.

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  • I have had this done to me and it is extremely frustrating. I never string someone along and I don't use dating as a way to get over a relationship. In my case I strongly believe the guy dated me out of boredom, just to have someone to be w/temporarily (no we did not sleep together). In the end I would rather the guy be truthful w/me because stringing me along, then dropping me hurts a lot worse then straight out rejection.

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  • I think they get scared, when things suddenly start to get serious with someone they instantly back out or they're trying to get over someone knowing they aren't ready for a new relationship. Sometimes they are lonely and instead of looking for friend they look for a relationship when a relationship is not what they need, but someone that will listen. And then you do have the people who like to chase and play games, once they get person and know they could get person they loose interest.. because they were never really interested to begin with. So there's multiple reasons.

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  • Out of being bored or fear of being alone for the rest of their lives. So they tend to dive in without really thinking about it and later on regret getting into a relationship. They are confused and don't know if they something serious or if they just want to sleep around.

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  • Some people like going on dates to have fun. Maybe they don't have any friends or acquaintances they can spend time with...

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  • I wish I knew the answer to this. My ex is one of those people and all he does is waste the time of every girl whos life he ruins.

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  • Because they see everyone else doing it.

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  • I think because they are either bored or just a bitch or a jerk. Maybe a mix of both?

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  • They are bored.

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