Why is paying for your date gentlemanly?

I've seen girls on here say, "If he was a gentleman, he'd pay for the first date." What makes it gentlemanly? Would you perceive someone as less masculine if he didn't pay for you?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not really sure why... its society that made us think this way.. That the guys should ask a girl out, he should make the first move, pay for dates, and this kinda bullshit. Or its probably just what our parents/ancestors taught us. And that's why we all believe it. That it's gentlemanly to pay, open the door for her, etc. Its pretty too late for anyone to stop believing it..
    And no - not paying for a date would not make you any less of a man, nor would it make you lose your masculinity. Pff..

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because like with doors, women struggle to understand how things like paying a bill work. So you need to help take the stress and confusion off their minds by paying for their things.

    /s

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What Girls Said 13

  • When I was taken out, the guy willingly paid, but I made sure to provide the tip. I honestly don't get why women make this such a demand, but for me, I'd much prefer if we paid for our own meals, or at least split the bill. Now, some people, especially religious people will probably make me into a Nazi Feminist becuase they'll say things like the man is likely the one to initiate, provide, sacrifice, etc and that I'm a woman trying to change things to be equal. I don't know.

    But for me, I'd want the guy I date to feel comfortable, and if that means share the bill, I'll share it. I mean, I agreed to the date. It's not just him, even if he asked me out first.

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  • I would much rather pay for a first date, especially if I was the one who asked him out. I won't start dating until I have my PhD, but I know that anyone else that age would still be in college. Even now I make more than any guy my age that I could go on a date with (not to brag, just being honest), and I would be more than happy to pick up the check. If he decided that he really wanted to, that would be okay too. :-)

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  • it makes a girl feel taken care of, like he can provide for her
    same way a girl can make a guy emotionaly taken care of
    not that I have anything against splitting the bill or me treating the guy
    before women couldn't really work and earn the money so they needed a man to take care of them financialy

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  • traditionally men are providers. So when they treat a woman to dinner it's a gentleman thing to do. It goes both ways for some people. If a man is a gentleman it goes a LONG way in my eyes for a potential mate.

    I think these the common consensus is changing though...

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    • 3mo

      And traditionally women were made to serve their man and provide sex when needed as their purpose was to provide children

      does that mean men should subject you down to that view just because 'traditionally'

    • 3mo

      @TripleAce If my man is a gentleman and treats me well I'll do the same for him. And, yes I chose the more traditional route of being a stay at home mom and with regards to sex, it's a mutual thing unless you are talking about traditional in the sense of the 1800's... I was referring to it as a whole and not meaning an exact time period.

      No I don't think men should subject women down, but I don't see this as a black and white issue. I think people take things to the extreme on these topics. :)

  • Well, if he's the one who asked me out first and wanted to pick me up to go to a restaurant or outing, it would be silly for me to pay for the date he planned. It's likes saying,"Hey girl, I want to take you on a date out to eat because I want to get to know you and make a good impression on you but in the end, you have to pay for the both of us or for yourself." Now, if I was the one asking him out, I'll pay for myself and him.

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  • it's traditional and it is just so weird if the girl pays for herself on the first date! Not being a gold digger but i'm talking about tradination here

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  • I think it's a genuinely nice thing to do and it makes us feel cared for and welcome

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  • I think for first dates it's nice but after that I like to take turns or split the bill

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  • Just an old tradition, I can pay for dates just as well.

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  • I didn't know it was. I mean it's a nice gesture but if he's broke I'd split it. I dont see him as less masculine just cheap and I'll think he's not the type to compromise unless he's benefiting from it

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    • 3mo

      But doesn't you not paying make you look cheap to him?

    • 3mo

      Nope it's first date

    • 3mo

      That's just weird. Him not paying makes him cheap. You not paying doesn't make you cheap?

  • I know it's frowned upon these days, because of equality, but I believe a man has his role and a woman has her role. They do different things and bring different things to the table and working together can complement each other wonderfully.

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  • I would prefer it if he paid the first time and then I would be more than happy to pay the second time. I don't like going Dutch. I refuse to do that even with close friends. We take turns paying instead.

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    • 3mo

      What happens if there is no seeing him again after the first date?

    • 3mo

      I would still accept to go on a second date to pay my share. @funny_strange_man

  • I posted a question on Chivalry today. First dates I just feel like the guy should pay because I think the girl already puts in so much effort to look good and presentable so the guy should make up for it by paying. He should not let her pay even if she offers to. After a few dates and things get serious the bill should at least be split between the two

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    • 3mo

      Girls take the time to look pretty no matter where they go, y'all do that for your own ego. If the girl was actually interested in the guy and not a free meal then she shouldn't have a problem paying for herself.

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    • 3mo

      Never been awkward when I have done it. Girls dress up to go shopping, they may want to look good for the guy but they also do it for themselves. What about the guy looking good for the girl, should he get something for trying to look good to? If the guy is willing to take a chance and the girl is not how doesn't it speak to her interest level?

    • 3mo

      @TheEnd2 Do you. I was just expresses my own personal thoughts on the matter. What works for you might not for me.

What Guys Said 10

  • Throughout history, the male, has already been the protector. The aggressor. For the most part, it has been the male to bring home the food and protect the family; he was the guardian, while the female was the gatherer. This type of role mentality has translated into the modern term of the gentlemanly behavior of paying for your date. She’s the girl; you pamper them. You spoil them when you can. You court them. When a girl sees the guy doing this, she may not say it out loud, but in the subconscious the concept of, “this guy can take care of me. He cares enough to put himself first and pay for the date, the dinner…etc.”

    I know it might seem draconian to millennials, but there are plenty who are still with the mindset that if you ask a girl out on a date, then the gentlemanly thing to do is be prepared to pay her way, unless of course she’s the type who prefers to pay her own way and expresses such a desire to you beforehand, and then I would suggest following her lead. There are plenty of other ways later on to show her you’re a gentleman.

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  • Because the man has the testosterone and the penis.

    Women are attracted to strong men who can lead and plan a night out together. If you don't want to pay for an expensive dinner, then don't go to one, but you should pay for whatever activities you plan assuming you want to maximize her attraction to you.

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  • I actually think the guys who can get girls to send nudes and have sex with them without paying for dates are the most masculine.

    Like if Sally sends nudes and sleeps with Jack on the first date without him paying for anything and then later she dates Bob who has to wait a month for sex and pays for all/most of the dates, then I would perceive Jack as being the more dominant/masculine one.

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  • Its not, they just wanna keep their perks so they will use anything possible, in this case make you believe its more gentleman if you pay for her

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  • That's the way chivalry has been since its inception. It just is.

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  • We demand equality. Either sex can pay really, it's just seen as men should pay for the first date which doesn't really bother me so I don't really care.

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  • if u think he SHOULD pay
    than u must be crazy

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  • i guessed your age before i even opened your post... did your parents not teach you good manners?

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  • paying for her food isn't gentlemanly.. they just say that to shame us into paying so they get free shit

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  • Women love free shit. Therefore they will say anything to get it.
    They will try to link it to masculinity, ability to provide, courtesy, tradition; whatever. But of corse it has nothing to do with any of these things. Who dosen't like a free ride?
    In the end if she expects you to pay and dosent offer to pay equally then you know you have someone who will expect more from you then they themselves offer in the relationship. Yet she will bitch about equality when it comes to things expected of her. Walk away and find girl who will meet you half way.

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