Guys, My boyfriend wants me to move in... he says he won't propose until we live together. He says this is the first step towards marriage, is it?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now and has told me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We talk about our future very often (i. e. how we are going to raise our kids..) but told me that we should live together to build a foundation and get used to each other and then he will propose and since we already live together it is going to be a very exciting and smooth transition as we plan the wedding and everything without going through the usual frictions. He says that he would propose within a year of living together and I do trust him but my parents are very conservative and told me that my relationship with them would be damaged if I do that. He says that he doesn't want them to "obligate" us to get married prior since it would be something that they want and not something that we want... and that he is very firm that if we don't live together before then he won't propose... what should I do?

Updates:
3mo My friends say that why does it have to be under his conditions... I agree with his argument but would be great if he wanted to do it for my parents (that is getting married before living together)

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9

Most Helpful Guy

  • You should invite your boyfriend to sit down with your parents and explain his position, they can explain their position. You should then announce that the three of them have put you in a horrible position in which you cannot win and you expect them to resolve the problem between themselves. Then, you get up and walk out of the room.

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    • 3mo

      that makes sense actually, but I just think that they might kill him...

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    • 3mo

      Also whats the difference between your parents "ultimatum" and your bf's "ultimatum"? Which of these do you think is acceptable?

    • 3mo

      Nvmd, i misread, good advice

What Guys Said 8

  • Wrong. The first step toward marriage is getting both your families on board, and making sure you share the same values and will raise your children around those beliefs and values.

    Anything else he says is an excuse to use you.

    You may wish to read this:

    www.crosswalk.com/.../...ther-before-marriage.html

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  • Yes. People shouldn't propose until living together for 2 years; you need to test-drive any marriage and shacking up is a good way to do that.

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    • 3mo

      Are you being serious or sarcastic? I hear that "shacking up" has a negative connotation

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    • 3mo

      thanks!

    • 3mo

      About "shaking up" having a negative connotation, keep this in mind honey...

      You know how women gossip - especially the older ones.

      Imagine these 2 different conversations...

      Conversation :
      Mrs. Jones: Poor Opinionated123... She's getting a divorce.
      Mrs. Smith: Yes, but at least she was a good girl and didn't shack up beforehand.

      Conversation 2:
      Mrs. Jones: Did you know tha Opinionated123 shacked up before she got married? How could her parents have brought her up like that?
      Mrs. Smith: Yes, but she's been with him for 20 years now and married for 17. So how's Mister Jones? He's your 3rd husband, right?
      Mrs. Jones: 4th... 4th EX-husband.
      Mrs. Smith: ... and you never shacked up before you got married to any of them?
      Mrs. Jones: Of course not! Mom raised me right.
      Mrs. Smith: Hmmmm...

      Which of these 2 conversations would you want to be a fly on the wall and overhear?

  • Typically when a couple lives together then marries, the odds of divorce are INSANELY high.

    I read an interesting theory that said that's because when a couple is living together the woman still feels like she has to "earn" the man and keep his interest. Then they marry and the dynamic shifts, that she knows he can't just leave or find a new woman if she's bitchy. Then that subtle power shift makes the man unhappy and kills the interest for the woman.

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  • Yeah. It is. Doing so will see how ready you are for marriage. You're gonna live together. This is no easy task

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  • I would say its a terribly bad idea to have never lived together before you got married. Screw your parents. You know you'll have to live with his shit forever right?

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    • 3mo

      Cohabiting only gives him the benefits without having to truly pay for it. But the damage it will do to her will be there anyway. Cohabiting also is based on the fallacy that selfish insecurity checklists will protect you.

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    • 3mo

      That's a prejudice you've made to avoid implications you don't want. What alternative do you have, that hasn't already been shown itself to be a fraud? And if the statistical evidence is increasingly backing up what these religious folk have been saying, perhaps there's a correlation you simply don't want to see?

    • 3mo

      Yeah you're right

  • Follow you mind

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  • Yes, it can be.

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  • It makes sense, you'll know each other well by doing that, it's a big step and is not something to take lightly

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