Am I in the friend zone?

There's this guy I like who I met a year ago. He is a senior; I'm a sophomore in college. Last year, I thought he maybe liked me (I think all of that was maybe in my head). Now that school has started up again, we have become a lot closer. We spend a lot of time with each other: eat at the school cafe together, work together, and sometimes take walks together or go over to each other's apartments (this happened about twice since we've come back to school) but most of all we talk A LOT (like for hours) and tease each A LOT. We share personal things with each other. I used to be the only one who texted him but he's started texting me first now, a week ago he tickled me and then joked that I liked his and another guy's butts. The other day he gave me a side hug (that may not sound like much but it actually is considering I've never seen him go in for a hug first with girls and he usually doesn't even hug them unless they go in first.) You would think that after all of the hours we spend talking to each other and everything else that these would be signs that he likes me... BUT he talks to me about other girls sometimes (a couple girls in particular). It hurts a lot, but when I notice him taking interest I've started to tease/ask him if he likes her. There's this one girl he has told me about a few times that he thinks is cute and flirty with him but we both know she's with another guy so he said it makes things complicated. To make things even harder: I have very good reason to believe that he asked a mutual friend (a different girl) out last semester and that he still has feelings for her (even tho they may have never gone out since he said he hasn't dated since he transferred here). He says things like "I haven't done "this" in a long time", "I haven't shared this with many people", "I feel like we're the same person". I feel special until he mentions another girl or talks to the girl I think he had feelings for in the past. This is incredibly confusing and painful.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm going to tell you mate from experience!! It does little to no good analyzing the signs that may or may not be clues he's interested in you.

    Your friend can so no signs, not ever touch you in any way that breaks the physical barrier that many speak of... and he can totally be into you. Your friend can treat you in a way that may appear special, by hugging you, confiding in you, initiating text with you and not have a single bit of interest in starting a romantic relationship with you. Signs vary. There is no definites. It's not based on gender or or type. It truly varies by the person.

    The key thing here is to use your oppertunity window. And it opens and closes fast. Believe me, I've been where you are and it was extremely painful. An I mean extremely. To hear about other boys, and be made to feel special when I found out I truly meant nothing.

    But here's the key... make a move. Don't let those three words frighten you. Cause I imagine what happens when you read those three words is immediate fear of rejection, potentially losing a friend. And those things are possible, but this is where you weigh your risk vs reward mate.

    I tell you this so you don't have the regret of not trying and possibly getting to have a romantic relationship that will be great for you and possibly him. Friends make great couples. As you said "you're like the same".

    Make the move, on a day where you're just normally having fun and it's at its highest. A friend such as him can understand where your feelings are coming from or at least he should be able to. You're just shy of being a couple already.

    Good luck mate... I sincerely do hope you get the guy :).

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm confused just reading this, but I'll do my best to analyze the situation. It may be possible that he fears that HE is in YOUR friend zone, so he's responding by making you feel in the friend zone. If you're interested in him as more than a friend, I'd let him know, he may only be mentioning other girls to you to gauge your reaction. I only invest that kind of time into girls I'm interested in, and I know that's the same for most other guys as well. When I say things like "I haven't shared this with many people", or "I feel like we're the same person", that's me trying to make the girl I'm talking to feel special. I want her to know that she's unique to me, and more importantly, that I'm interested in her. Hope this helps! I'm more than happy to answer any follow-up questions you may have.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you so much for your feedback. I feel like he didn't start talking to me about other girls until I started talking about other guys being cute. This was a mistake on my part, I should have never tried to make him jealous. The thing is, I realize that now so when he asks me if I like certain guys or if any guys spark my interest (like the new freshmen) I have told him "no I don't like so and so" because I don't want to play games with him anymore but at the same time I don't want to flat or answer and say "no but I have feelings for you". I'm trying to subtly encourage him, by letting him know I'm not interested in any other guys. I just don't know if he really does like the girls he talks about. He seems like he does, he doesn't seem like he actually wants to ask them it but maybe he would if he got the courage. It just makes me feel so friend-zoned and hurt.

    • 3mo

      Please be straight up with him-guys love that and it's honestly the best route for the situation. We don't like hints, and we're not very good at noticing them. If you tell him you like him, I'm more than sure it will be reciprocated positively! Don't be shy and be yourself when you tell him! Keep me updated haha

  • This is tough. He seems to really really like you but at the same time he seems to like other girls as well. It seems he has a lot of feelings in general.

    "another guy so he said it makes things complicated" This is sort of a give away that he has feelings for that girl.

    I would not dump all your eggs into this basket because I can tell you for sure that you are not the only one he has feelings for.

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