Am I too picky with men? I have such a particular "type" ... Is this a good thing or bad?

I've met guys who I get along well with and our personalities "click" but I never feel infatuated or overly into them because they are missing these key things that I ALWAYS subconsciously have chosen in men. I know there isn't a perfect guy, but for me I have a specific type and I won't accept less. Basically, I'm into those loner type guys, the ones who do there own thing, stay out of the social life and normalties, and just do what they chose to. They aren't "bad" boys- I need a kind and gentle man as well. But I love those quiet, intelligent, dark-minded, and loner type guys. Intelligent in life mostly.. Reads particular authors (like Vonnegut, Bukowski, Ginsberg, Whitman, Camus, etc) & looks at life as how I see it too. I also have a thing for guys who are heavily into music, especially old underground punk or grunge bands. For looks, I like them thin.. Never been attracted to muscles; my friends have said some of the men I like are even scrawny. Height doesn't matter, but the EYES have to be dark, dark brown. & pale skin, dark hair. I have met a guy who didn't look like this exactly and he still was my type though. It's mostly that personality... Just a guy who goes by his own rules and is an intense person (a lot going on in the head). All the guys I've been interested in have had some depression too, and they usually have been from poorer families.

My question is, is this a good thing? To be so particular? Or as I age will I find it has made it difficult since I won't give guys chances really unless they fit this type?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I fit most of what you said naturally, so yeah, I guess that a good thing? Its nice to see someone who appreciates it.

    Seriously tough, it might be a bad thing for you in terms of possibilities, but it raises a question: do these guys make you happy?

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    • 3mo

      I haven't met a guy in what ch it worked out so I can't answer that.

    • 3mo

      But I hope to find the guy who does one day (: I just want to find my soulmate, someone who just gets it like I do.

What Guys Said 4

  • Good luck becoming a catlady.

    In all seriousness though: Having too strict of demands just limits your very own pool of people. And since those are very specific things, you are left with barely anything.

    The reality is that partners are never identical in their interests. Quite the opposite, many partners are quite different to each other. What matters isn't having the very same interests, but being on the very same wavelength. You would do well understanding it and not limiting yourself - but instead see if you connect to a person on an level beyond "we have the same hobbies"

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    • 3mo

      Well I'm not looking for someone with similar hobbies... I just mean someone who sees life as how I do so we can live together and understand each other. Im into all sorts of music, but I like more punky type guys. My hobbies consist of things I wouldn't imagine a typical guy would be into so I wouldn't expect him to have those same interests.

    • 3mo

      "I'm not looking for someone with similar hobbies"

      When you say he needs to read the same authors as you, then yes - you do.

  • Wow I was practically all of those things except I have blue eyes and dark blonde hair.

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    • 3mo

      Then I'd probably crush on you big time, haha

  • nope because you just described me

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  • Terrible thing looking for the perfect package will never come no one has it all.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I think that you really answered your own question with your last sentence. There's nothing wrong with having standards, nor is it wrong to have some "deal breakers" so to speak, but when you start to get too specific, you're really closing yourself off to a lot of people. Imagine 10 guys in front of you, all wonderful and attractive and great. Well you only want a really skinny guy, so 4 of them leave: left with 6. You only want a guy with dark eyes, 3 more of them leave: 3 left. Pale and dark hair? 2 more leave and you're left with one, and you'd better hope that you two are compatible because you disqualified everyone else.

    As far as things like interests go, nothing wrong with having shared interests, but there's nothing wrong with turning your partner on to your interests as well! I really wasn't super into music, but my boyfriend has gotten me interested by going to shows together and exposing me to stuff I hadn't heard before.

    I think you should hold onto some of your more important standards, but also put yourself out there. Sometimes we fall in love with someone we never expected.

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  • Honestly, we all want the perfect person for ourselves and it's mostly when we are young and some who are older, but I think as we grow older we realize that if you keep looking for the perfect one then it's going to be hard finding someone more. What I am trying to say is no one is perfect and if they have a few things that you've liked then that's good. Sometimes you aren't going to get the whole package you've dreamed about. You will love them for whoever they are if this makes any sense.

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  • - Personality wise: go ahead and be picky. Having a good match of personality is important in a relationship
    - Looks-wise: be as picky as you can be. You can't date someone who you are not attracted to.
    - Interest-wise: Give it up now. You won't find someone who likes the exact same things as you. Having the same interests actually has very little to do with a successful relationship

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    • 3mo

      The only thing I mentioned about interests is that he likes to read and listen to music a lot because I think that tells a lot about other people. I don't get why everyone is coming down on me for desiring that? I'm not restricting it to what I like specifically, but to like those activities

    • 3mo

      Its just very unlikely that you will find someone with the same interests. Sure, some of that may give you hints about personality. Just try not to be too specific. Maybe he likes to play video games instead of reading. Or he doesn't listen to music much but would love going to concerts with you. Just saying you decrease your odds of finding a good match drastically by caring too much about interests.

  • I do not think it is wrong. I am also very picky and I think it helps a lot. It keeps me out of getting into relationships with the wrong kind of guys because I know what is right for me. Knowing what you look for in a guy is good it shows that you know yourself well enough.
    I think it will make things difficult for us in the future but I will rather stick to it for as long as I can. If your mind is set on something and you really want it, it is going to happen no matter what! I hope this was helpful...

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  • as you get older, your list might change... unless you are okay being alone.

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