Got rejected. Was it stupid to ask him out?

Hey i just asked my crush out for coffee. He seemed really shy around me so i thought he may like me. When i told him i find him attractive and would like to go out for coffee he smiled really cute but then told me he had a girlfriend at the moment.
I don't know if thats true. Whatever, was it stupid to ask or should i have just waited for him to make the move or not?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't get why some people get butthurt once getting rejected.

    It's normal thing like you failed at exam, it's like you fell over yourself often when you were a kid. It's normal, nobody is responsible to like or hate you.

    Just have some hot nice green tea and move on🏃🏃🏃🏃

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It wasn't stupid to ask. Now you know so now you can move on. If you had waited around, you would have wasted a lot more time on something that wouldn't work out anyway. It's better to know, be slightly disappointed but also capable of moving on, than it is to have no idea, waste lots of time and never truly find out.

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What Guys Said 67

  • No it was not stupid!

    I want to congratulate you, I think you have a lot of courage and you were brave in asking him out. There is nothing wrong with it! It was not stupid.

    You should not have waited for him to make the move. You took the initiative, and this -wonderful- - it is incredible if the girl takes the lead now and then!

    He may be telling the truth, or he may just be so surprised and overwhelmed that he panicked and said no. Give him a week or two, and closely observe whether he still seems interested. If possible, try to determine if he DOES have a girlfriend.

    If no counter-indications emerge, maybe in a month or so casually mention that you are still available for a date. Try and do it in some low-pressure setting or via a text. If he still says no, he probably is not interested or has some kind of hangup with which you cannot help him.

    DO NOT GIVE UP ON THIS!

    Please please please do this again, with another guy, you'll VERY probably make his day and he'll fall over himself to say yes!

    You did just GREAT and it would be so awesome if more women were like you - took the initiative and asked the guy out if they like him, and be a bit more honest about their needs and feelings (like you seem to be.)

    WELL done - nevermind that he refused, keep going and don't give up. Many many many guys would LOVE being asked out by someone like you - don't quit.

    ;)

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  • Why would it be stupid? You tried it didn't work but their was nothing wrong with it, you could have sat around forever wondering if he liked you or not, if you maybe where wasting your chance or not etc etc. Now you know, it didn't work out but now you can move on. I'm sure he doesn't think your stupid for it (he was probably very flattered) so no, their was nothing wrong with that and while you can wait for the guy to make the first move their is nothing wrong with making the first move yourself.

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  • 1. Fact is he may have a girlfriend
    2. He may be too shy to accept in addition to feeling you are beyond his league hence thinks that accepting will only be confirming that when in close proximity to you
    3. It's normal for ego to be hurt when told a no. Try going beyond such a feeling else you'll be messing yourself up time & again

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  • Welcome to guy's every day - she smiles at you and you can see she's interested - you then ask - and oooh she has a boyfriend (and I swear girls with a boyfriend smile more than the ones who are single - the latter probably feeling too insecure to flirt - until they find one).
    I wouldn't sweat it one bit - he may come around, and if not - well, you got the smile, he likes you, but he's a wimp (women are always just that anyway, so again, you got to experience the world guys live in each day - no one's bothered by it really).

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  • No, it was not "stupid" to ask. It's refreshing to hear about a girl taking initiative. Rejection is a part of dating and being human, and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I admire that you have the confidence to go out of your way and ask your crush out for coffee; however, you must also understand that the vast majority of people we desire a relationship with are just not meant to be ours. The sooner you can accept that fact, the easier rejection is to handle, and, furthermore, the sooner you can move on from the person who rejected you.

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  • Probably making that girl friend up, just as so many girls do in that situation. He's that shy, it appears?

    In for a penny, in for a lb. Ask him again and say it's ok about the girlfriend. He'll have had some time to think about it, so you have a better chance.

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  • No. Now you can move on instead of wondering and waiting for him to make a move... which he would have never done cause he's taken.

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  • No, not stupid, now you know and he may have never made a move and you've would've just wondered and wondered. The thing now is not to let it get to you and move on. Nobody likes to be rejected but don't overthink this. He may or may not have had a girlfriend but regardless he wasn't interested for whatever reason (could be many things, and reasons that have nothing to do with you at all). Don't let this deter you from making the first move. Let it "roll of your back" I applaud you, more women should do this and stop expecting the guy to all the time.

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  • Probably better that it just happened because otherwise you would be waiting for something that was never going to happen. Sucks that you had to get rejected but it's great to be brave and this will only make you stronger.

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  • No it is never stupid to try. You might have regreted it latter.- probably BS but it is good that you tried. You were brave and showed that you had courage. Just remember that you can for the next guy that you like.

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  • It was not stupid to ask. It would have been stupid not to ask. Sure, you are disappointed but the alternative would be to just wait and wonder forever. And you never can tell, maybe it won't work out between them and he'll come around and say "Hey, it didn't work out. Are you still interested?" It happened to me.

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  • You did the correct thing. I respect your initiative. Most females of your age would not make the first move.
    Accept the result and move on.
    I hope that you are more successful than I was. My success rate was less than one in 100. Yes, I was anal enough to keep a spreadsheet and graph my results.

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  • No, it wasn't stupid to ask him. I admire that you took the chance. I know it had to be disappointing that he couldn't say yes, but you should pat yourself on the back for taking the initiative.

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  • No, it wasn't stupid. You took your chances, you did what had to be done, you won't regret later for not having done anything. It was the right thing to do.

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  • It didn't hurt anything. You had reason to think he was interested and went for it, that's great because nothing could have happened if you didn't ask! Now if it doesn't work out with his current girlfriend he knows you're interested too.

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  • I think that's great on your part!

    I think you should be congratulated for your efforts. A host of girls sit around on their thumbs waiting for the world to come to them.

    You grabbed life by the horns and went after what you wanted, even if it didn't turn out.

    I wish more chicks were like you!

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  • It wasn't stupid. If he actually has a girlfriend, he probably would never make any move. Ever. You at least had the guts to call him on a date. It didn't work out with him, but it probably will with most men. So dont worry. Its not like you looked ridiculous or anything.

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  • No. Why would it have bren stupid? You didn't know he was seeing anyone. Yeah, it's still embarrassing, but that doesn't mean it was stupid.

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  • Don't think it's stupid, because he's taken. You tried, that's what matters. And that is a good thing! :)

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  • Taking your chance and trying is not stupid.

    "Those who try have a chance of failing. Those who don't try have no chance of succeeding"

    It would only be stupid if you knew he had a girlfriend.

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  • Dating is a numbers game. Starting from the pool of population, A% are prospects. B% are worth asking out. C% will accept. D% will develop into something meaningful.

    Just keep asking other guys.

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  • You're more brave than most women. Don't be sad. at least you can never look back and say "what if?"

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  • Every time something doesn't work out for a girl on here it seems like they put their entire life through a rigorous review under a microscope. I mean men get rejected on the daily even if we're not asking people out or interested in the slightest in what they have to say. We're so used to rejection that we're generally able to get over that in hours if it's something that matters. But what the fuck, have you never been told no before because this is a child's response to rejection.

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    • 3mo

      I am very sorry if I am so over dramatic to you but NO I haven't. That was my first time asking someone out!

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      @ Gommers... Says the loser that keeps getting rejected by girls because you're such a loser and a angry jjackass... lmao. My advice to u: U can't give advice to women if u don't even know how to knock our panties off. I mean look how angry u got at this poor girl that came here asking for advice after feeling rejected. Go jerk off so u can relax a bit. Lmfao. You're a joker hunni.

    • 3mo

      @Baffledgirl32 I break off relationships before they start because of major damage caused by an early relationship that moved too fast leading to my need for very meticulous observation and analysis of the dynamics of the relationships that are becoming. I have a whole internal set of stipulations that if not met I will not allow the continuation of the relationship. I've gotten exes back together with this method, I've gotten guys I barely know long time relationships with this information. I've studied sociology and psychology surrounding dating and relationships since I was in college.

      You can sling mud all you want but at the end of the day I can walk into any bar within 50 miles and walk home with a woman holding my dick; you'd have no fucking chance at that if you were a man. I choose not to do that as I have an inherent interest in keeping sex a bonding experience between myself and someone I plan to spend my life with.

  • nope. Pretty brave knowing rejection is a real possibility. Strong move.

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  • You did the right thing!.. You have my salute!.. You are a strong women and if he breaks up with his current girlfriend you will be on top of his list

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  • You did the right thing. Maybe you could have probed to see if he was seeing anyone first. But I still think you did right.

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    • 3mo

      Guy goes to a girl and gets rejected in the same way. Was it stupid?

      I highly doubt he's lying about having a girlfriend, no guy does that.

  • yeah u ugly

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  • well at least you know now. nothing wrong with trying.

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  • Ahhh bless you 😘 😘, I would wish more women would do that, tho it never happened to me tho.

    by the way It wasn't stupid, you saw a chance and took it, from 100% there is always some percent of success.

    In fact if he lied and doesn't have a girlfriend and rejected you, he doesn't know what he missed, I checked your profile picture and you look so cute in it 😘 😘

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  • if he is a shy person there could be a chance he is saying he has a girlfriend because he got nervous when you asked him he did smile because I'm a shy guy and done shit like that in the past, don't think it was stupid you probably made his day, find out if he really has a girlfriend

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2 private opinion(s)
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What Girls Said 51

  • No, it wasn't stupid. It's good practice to try stuff like this to find out if what you said worked or not, and how you handled it. Some people are serial-asker-outers and keep at it like it's nothing. Had you not asked, you would have been constantly wondering what to do about it, or what would have happened if you didn't get the chance to. This way it's been done... on to the next person who deserves your attention! :)

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  • I don't think it was stupid. I mean he wasn't mean about his answer was he? He just told you he has a girlfriend, you weren't to know that.

    I think the fact you asked means you are brave and to be admired. I myself, have always been too shy to ask guys out or admit I like them unless they admit to liking me first, but it would surely have saved me so much time if I had just asked and got my answer instead of waiting around for them.

    The way I see it: You were brave and took charge to ask your crush out, he rejected because he had a girlfriend (not necessarily because he didn't find you attractive) and now you know that, you are free to move on and look for someone else.

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  • He may have been Flattered, @SecretFlower11, and also was Being Polite Perhaps by giving you a 'He smiled really cute' but The... Was probably an Honest John in telling you he as Taken right now.
    You were Courageous, but next Time you ask Someone out for Joe, don't Tell him anything, get To Know him First hand and then after, if things Seem a "Go," before jumping into the Seat, Hint around to see First... If he Might have a Sweet so you don't Feel as though it's a Defeat.
    Many times, Guys will Ask you for your number or even to Hang out, if they really like you. This One, hun, is probably Spoken for, so not More to Hope for.
    Good luck. xx

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  • I too approached my crush and it was bad. It was my first time approaching a guy. We flirted for a wk and he was very excited, but quickly suggested we had sex. I nicely declined but we continued to subtly flirt at work (he did all the flirting). Coming to my office multiple times a day for no reason but to look at me. I noticed that he would run (literally) or avoided one on one convos when I initiated them. I saw this as him being shy so I kinda pushed the issue to help him out and even tho he didn't say "NO" he jokingly called me pushy. I swore NEVER to approach another guy. It hurts more to be rejected when you're a girl because it makes you think "how bad can I be that a guy won't even at least wanna be physical?" I hate remembering this 😒. This guy absolutely did NOT reject u. He has a girlfriend which should've made it easier for u because he has a legit reason to decline your offer. Who knows if he's kicking himself that he HAD to turn u down? U should be proud that u were so brave... I know u HAD to have left a lasting impression on him. Approaching a guy regardless of the outcome is so empowering. After I did I felt like I can do anything. We ROCK!!!

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    • 3mo

      It was so empowering that you decided to never do it again because it didn't go well once! So powerful! Such strong willpower! /s

    • 3mo

      Notice i used the word "swore"--past tense.

      Just as it feels awesome to push out a baby --you feel proud and empowered. You may even ask, did I just do that? It feels great because u did something u didn't know u could. Just doesn't mean I'd ever want to experience that again. I vowed never to get pregnant again!! For now I'll leave the picking up to the pros... the guys. At least until I forget how bad it stings to he rejected. By the way guess who pushed out another baby two years after vowing never to do it again? Yup, me. I'm sure this won't be the last time the Asker or myself goes after that hot guy who's sending us mixed signals. I just think now we're second guessing our decision because the rejection still stings. In no time we'll be back at it ;).

    • 3mo

      Everyone is scared of rejection, that includes guys. If you want something in life it's your responsibility to get it. Why would you let your fear rule your life like that? I have worse anxiety than anyone when it comes to asking someone out but I still do it. Pushing the responsibility onto someone else just makes everyone's lives a little suckier, yours included.

  • I believe the only way it's stupid to approach somebody is if they're taken, and you're aware that they are taken. Other than that, you didn't do anything wrong. It just feels strange that you got turned down, and that's normal.

    Who knows; maybe something may happen differently later, becuase now, he's aware of how you feel, and sometimes people change on that later, especially if you grow on them and become more interesting to them.

    Don't show any hard feelings, be positive, perky, and keep a smile on your face. It pays.

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  • No. He would have rejected you regardless and he has a girlfriend. You did what you felt, but at the same time you were honest. You got closure. All you can do is move on. Even if he did have a girlfriend, he still said no. So just leave it alone. He could be just naturally shy, doesn't mean he was lying. At least it ended on good terms.

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    • 3mo

      She's right, and it's pretty much what I came here to say. If he doesn't have a girlfriend (he may or may not), he didn't reject you because you asked him; he rejected you because he, for whatever the reason, isn't interested. And, in that scenario, he was never going to approach you anyway, so you would have been waiting a long time. At least now, you can move on and stop wasting your time waiting for an approach that was never coming.

  • I think you did the right thing. Life is too short to wait for the " right moment " At least now you know where you stand and you can move on from him.

    It's better to hear a clear rejection than live with regret. Rejection is only a temporary statement , but regret is endless wonders of "whats if's" and" if only "

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  • I think it was right for you to do so, if he does have a girlfriend well at least you know! It's nothing to be embarrassed about since you wouldn't have known otherwise!

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  • It's not stupid! You asked a guy out and got rejected. No big deal. It's not like he was mean about it. He just stated he had a girlfriend. There's nothing you can do if that's the case. At least you know now and can move on to the next guy instead of pining over a guy who, if you hadn't asked out, wouldn't have even known had a girlfriend.

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  • You did nothing wrong by asking. Good for you. That was hard but you still did it. Continue with that and it will get easier. Okay so if he is lying and he just doesn't like you then consider yourself lucky that he was nice about it. If he does have a girlfriend then at least he knows how you feel so if they ever break up he will know how you feel and may want to give you a chance. Please do not wait for this to happen though. It hurts to dwell on it and wait for them to be single so that they can maybe want you but it is not guaranteed that they ever will. Also giving you that shy smile may have indicated that he was flattered and would have liked to take you up on your offer had he not been single. Who knows? Get back out there :)

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  • its never stupid to ask someone out unless u KNOW they have a person already. its always a good idea to go for it, u never know what will happen :) u got rejected this time... but u never kno about next time :)

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  • Maybe he does really have a girlfriend? All in all maybe he smiled because he was flattered and really who wouldn't smile being told that

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  • Hey, don't let it get to you. You asked, and he rejected you it's going to be okay. It wasn't stupid. Now, just move on. Continue with life, and don't let this experience deter you from asking other guys out. It's normal, and it happens. Everyone experiences rejection at some point. You will be fine.

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  • Stupidity comes in many shapes and forms. But fear not, this is not one of them. How could you have known? If I were you, I would get on TYM (Take Ya Man) status. If ya catch my drift ;)

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  • No. You got it out of the way. Now you don't have to worry about it anymore.

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  • Never stupid to ask. You probably just made his day! Hopefully a cute guy will do the same for you :)

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  • I don't think it was stupid. At least you know. I think it's better to know than to wonder forever: "What if?"

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  • No it wasn't stupid to ask, you stuck up the courage to ask him out. A lot girls, like myself, can't or won't do it (although i've only done it once). It doesn't matter if you did sooner or later, he would still have a girlfriend or said no anyways if he wasn't interested. there's no telling if it was lie or not, maybe he does maybe he doesn't.. either way you did it. Just dust yourself off and keep searching.

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  • No, that's the whole part of asking, you get a yes or no. He may have just not been interested for many reason, some of which are because of him. Just find another guy, it's no biggie

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  • No at least you tried!! I wouldn't see that as rejection since he was taken and now you know and can move on

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  • No, it was really brave of you and you made things happen and took control. Now you can move on. I think guys really respect a girl who asks them out.

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  • Well at least now you know.

    It wasn't stupid at all.

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  • No it's not stupid, you were into him and asked him out. Good on you!

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  • Aww that suck ! I would have playfully said "Ughhhh don't tell me that, you are too damn hot!". It was totally RAD that you asked him out :) Men don't get asked out too much

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  • No. Because you know it wasn't going anywhere so you can move on.

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  • It wasn't stupid at all. At least you have guts to ask him out first, meanwhile I can never do that.

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  • I wait for them to make the first move but a lot of people say girls should make the first move.

    Just do whatever makes you comfortable. Everyone gets rejected, don't take it personally

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  • It's not stupid for you to ask. It's good that you asked, you finally know now

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  • i guess he didn't like you after all and what if it's true that he got a girl? It's hard to read shy boys

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  • I don't think it's stupid to try and do something, I always say try is never too much.

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