I'm a girl, 22, and I've been with my current boyfriend for 2 months. I recently told my mom that I'm dating a guy of a different race. She went bananas. We didn't talk about it for a few weeks, hoping she'll take some time to process it. A few days ago she wanted to know more about him, and started telling me really bad stuff about his race. Just so you know, people from my race really don't like people from his race (and vice versa) and even feel threatened by them.
He's really a good person and his family is sweet.
I really wish she would stop worrying about me going out with him.
And I want to spend time and sleep at his place but I don't want my mom to be concerned (I'll have to tell her, because she'll be worried when she sees in the morning that I haven't returned home. If I say I'm sleeping at a friends' house she'll know I'm lying).
What should I do?
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What pisses me off about this is that your mother and me are from the same generation. And she should know better than to act like this about race. We came from the same years of the 80s when interracial dating was making a breakthrough at being accepted - especially amongst celebrities, making it a bit easier (ie. Madonna). In the 90s that's when the big 'get over it' movement happened, and we really should have seen most of it end by now as far as interracial romance is concerned. I still see race-hating outside of relationships, but really, she's got no excuse.
Here's the thing, you're not dating your mom, your boyfriend is not dating your mom, you're in a relationship with each other, and what YOU both think is what matters. Use this experience as a learning tool for her. The more you talk about how happy he's making you, and the more she sees him and realizes that he's not what she thinks, then little by little, you're both going to chip away at her ignorance. It happens all the time when people of my generation seem proud to tell others, "Hey my daughter is dating this [race] guy, and he is REALLY not what you think, he's different."
One day you're going to find that your choices are based on what you know and it will have little to do with her influence anymore. That's when the kids turn in to adults and teach the older generation a thing or two and it freaks them out a bit.
I too am in an interracial marriage, and my mother made jokes about my husband while we were dating behind his back to me, and after time, she quit doing it because he kept proving over and over without making it an issue that she was saying shit for no reason, so she was starting to look like an idiot over it.
Your mom will decide sooner or later that it just isn't worth being racist about anymore if for nothing else, but the reason that she will tire looking like a fool.6