My boyfriend wants an open relationship? What should I do?

He broke up with me twice but the last time he said if he was with me he wanted an open relationship and he wanted me to have threesomes with him. But he says I'm not allowed to have sex or talk to other guys. He doesn't even want me to have male friends. But he wants to be able to talk to other girls and have sex with them. To make me feel better he said I'd be his main girl, his girlfriend. He'd tell the other girls about me. He'd still live with me and take are of me financially, I'd be known to his family and son as his girl still etc. He said he'd be coming home to me and not the other girls. He said cares about me but not them.

This hurts so bad! The person I love wants to be with other girls. The only way I can be with him is if I do this until he feels


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have two choices. Tell him to fuck off and kick him to the curb and never look back. Or become his door mat for life.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • These red flags shooting up are completely obvious in your face.

    1) He broke up with you twice before in the past, which is a clue that you guys are solid enough to be compatible.

    2) He laid an unfair condition upon you that if you want to be with him, you have to participate with other women in the relationship and share him.

    3) On top of that, you bare NO equality in the relationship becuase anything he say goes, meaning you are not allowed to speak to any other guy. He's just supposed to have all the fun and comfort, but you are bounded only to him when he isn't bounded only to you.

    4) The relationship is solely on sexual activity. There's no romance, no commitment, no love, no faithfulness, no trust. He's not ready to settle down. He wants to have fun with as much women as possible.

    5) He's trying to entice you with sweet words by saying you'd be his main girl. So, not only is he disregarding that you feel very uncomfortable about this, but it's also all about what he wants. You're not his main girl; if you were, there would be no need of these other women. This is the oldest trick in the book when guys try to sweet talk and women fall for it all the time.

    My question is, why are you settling? Do you have no sense of self-worth or self-respect? This guy does not love you, otherwise you would be the true focus and desire of his heart. All those points I listed are COMPLETE and CLEAR reasons for you to dump him. Make yourself available for a much better guy that will truly love you, because right now, you are wasting VERY valuable time and energy being with someone who is already looking the other way.

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What Guys Said 65

  • He feels he is entitled to having threesomes with you. It's only about what "he" wants and not what you want.

    If you're sad and not OK at all with an open relationship with him, then ditch him and ditch him forever and start over, otherwise you'll regret it even more and be unhappy by staying with him.

    Use logic, forget about whatever emotions you had ever invested in him for this relationship. You had already broken up with him before, you can do it again. Find someone that truly loves you for you and not to take advantage of you so they can just have threesomes. Otherwise, stay and continue to be unhappy because you "feel" or "think" that he will change for you, because he won't and this relationship is all one-sided about what "he" wants and can get from you and other girls.

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  • He knows how to control you, you know this is bad for you. He doesn't love you, I am sorry, but he loves himself and his lust, not you.

    Do the hard thing, end it, process your feelings, and find someone else. It does hurt, no way around that. you may want to go to counseling to figure out why you love this guy because love can be a twisted thing and you may be attracted to the same type again (likely). thus, find the root of that and fix it before it (your emotions) screw you again.

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    • 2mo

      Seriously, do what he said. End it, this guy does not care about you.. he is a selfish selfish person... your needs will always come second... if not third, fourth, fifth, so on.. he doesn't love you...

      I'm sorry but you need to get as far away from him as you can.

  • Don't do it he is manipulating you, he wants it all and what will happen is eventually he will either grow bored of you or you will finally not be able to take it and leave him so just preempt this and break up it will not end well for you. The fact is he clearly does not respect you because one he wants other women and two he mentioned he would take care of you financially and be his "girl" basicly as a buy off in order to get you to be compliant. Just walk away clearly he isn't interested in you and you should be with some one who is. So break up and find some one who will actually care about you.

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  • Have any self-respect and leave. He just wants to bang you and other girls without any commitment.

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  • Break up with him. He clearly does not love you if he wants to see other people. If might hurt now, but if you break up with him it will be better in the long run and you will be happier. Find someone who wants to be with you and only you.

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  • This guy is a hypocritical insecure jealous little shit of a man. You are REALLY better off without him. Seriously - leave.

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  • Make him your ex-boyfriend NOW... and DO NOT take him back!

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  • What your boyfriend mentioned is NOT an "open" relationship. It's him controlling you and wanting to fuck other women. Stay away from that douche.

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  • Why is there even a question about what to do?

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  • Why the fuck do you even want to go back to this guy, he clearly doesn't care

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  • Break up immediately.
    an open "relationship" just means being Single.
    basically your "BF" doesn't have the balls to be a man and just break up with you. So he brings up this crap, hoping you dump him. I just laugh at people that think "Open" means anything other then being single and occasionally hooking up together. It is extremely hard to lose someone you love, I know that extremely well. But better then being shit on.

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  • "... take are of me financially" to what extent is he supporting you. Sounds like he has some serious leverage on you to be making such a ridiculous request.

    He sounds more like a common street pimp than a boyfriend. I get the feeling you have some past emotional trauma that's making this obvious decision to leave him alot' harder.

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  • Tell him to fuck off, if you don't want him sleeping with other girls than he shouldn't and if he doesn't respect that than he can go somewhere else.

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  • I'm with my esteemed comember @OlderandWiser on this. What's the question? Dump the bastard. He's just using you until something better comes along.

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  • I'm confused... why do you love someone who only wants to be with you if he gets to fuck other women?

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  • There's no compromise in this case, just leave him.

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  • I know what this is, and I agree unless discussed further by you and him.

    I'm not a psychologist, but I am a fan of the bdsm world and this is Called a cuckold relationship, but it's sub genre is in this case is called being a cuckquean. The terms are confusing but let me explain.

    Being In a cuckold relationship means one person commits infidelity- weither married or not- while the other has no control. This is more a fantasy as both have to consent and understand the one who is being cucked, not being in the doing the action, is taking control.

    As for the sub genre, there are three types of participants but I am going to stay the course of one called a cuckquean. A cuckquean is when a female let's a male commit indfidelity in the relationship. He can do anything and everything with the permission of the cucked and if the cucked dosent feel comfortable- she should openly admit that. This dosent mean the cuck doesn't have sex but finds it hot that the partner is with another " relationship" and turns her on a bit when ignored

    The problem here is that no one know this type of bdsm stuff and reseachs it and tries to do it without alerting the partner.

    So if you feel comfortable or find it hot in this relationship to do what he says, then that's the type of sexual relationship you will have. If you do not, and openly admit and if she still wants to say no, then part ways. It's not worth it to be a non consensual relationship where one is domineering the other purposefully for his own benefit. There is benefit in being cucked as well if your into being a little jealous and watching and participating in the action.

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  • you can't change him, the bulllshit you see in movies applies there only...
    in best cases you can change him for a while but at the first very big argument he will go back to what he is and even worse and you'll have to accept any bullshit he asks since he is not that interested into you !
    it depends on you, if you are fine with being his bitch then make the best out of it, suck up his money, plan for your own future and make him help you with it !
    but don't waste your time hoping for the impossible to happen, and always remember every minute passes doesn't come back, life is short and time is precious !!!

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  • Since this is not what you want, you should break up with him and find a new boyfriend. Your boyfriend is going to have a hard time finding a woman to sign up for this.

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  • He sounds controlling. What he is doing is a double standard. You deserve better than him.

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  • i say ''ditch the slim ball.

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  • There's are so many decent single guys out there while you're pining over this asshole... Come on, find yourself someone better.

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  • Dump. Him. Now.

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  • Answer: Break up with him, have some self-respect, and never date another @sshole like him again.

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  • Find someone else.

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  • The stupid shit girls will accept makes me sick, get the fuck out, you need a slap by a friend.

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  • I usually never see girls arguments as valid often governed by emotion but even i can notice... something here is fucked. Get out pronto... you deserve a much better class of man.

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  • Well if you don't wanna do it then don't do it... just tell him no and breakup with him...
    Looks like he doesn't love you

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  • Leave him. He's a sap.

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  • Be hotter and better. Make him regret he lost you. They say the best revenge is moving on.

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What Girls Said 61

  • Lol To make you feel better he said you'd be his main girl? I mean is that really supposed to make you feel better?

    It sounds to me like this is something you are not comfortable with, and that is a totally valid and normal response to something like this.

    Honestly to me it's not worth it. How are you going to be feeling when he's not with you? It's going to kill you inside knowing he's out there having a great time with other girls and sleeping with them. It's only going to hurt you, so why put yourself through it?

    You may love him, but love yourself first. Don't put being with him above your own happiness. There are plenty of men out there. I know you care about him. But honestly there are other guys who you will care about too in your life. This isn't the only guy you will ever have any feelings for. Trust me on this!

    It's not fair if he expects you to stay at home while he goes and does what he wants. What happens if he gets one of these ladies pregnant? Or what if he falls in love with one of them? It doesn't matter if he is calling you his girl now. Eventually by putting himself out there you are only going to get hurt.

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  • C'mon, dude, that's not an open relationship. If it was, you'd be able to have sex with other people without him - it's a relationship where he controls you and gives you nothing that you emotionally need whilst he gets everything that he wants. Open relationships aren't a bad thing if everyone involved is happy about it but you're in no way happy about it. You're not even allowed to have other male friends, how the fuck is that even slightly okay? Just dump him, move on and find someone who actually respects you.

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  • Thats not an open relationship at all.
    I have an open marriage and d it doesn't work thst way for either of us. he's broken up with you twice you said , it takes a full commitment love and suppprt trust and communication yo mske it work.. he doesn't have any of those things for you

    Dont stay around he's selfish a you can do better

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  • NO! Break it off and let him do whatever he wants to do. He doesn't love you he wants to use you and other girls for sex! That's all. He doesn't care about you. Stop it. He wants his cake and eat it too! He should be concerned about taking care of his son! Not bringing in random women in the house. What is he going to teach his kid? That's it's okay to do this? No. Let him go, or your asking for heartbreak.

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  • Have some self-respect and don't let this worthless guy treat you like shit.

    Why should you even consider talking to a guy that can't respect your wishes?

    Your love for him will fade, but if you go through with this the self-loathe you'd feel will never fade... Don't ever let a guy reduce to a piece of meat.

    You want a guy that will love you and treat you like his queen, like you're the only girl in his world, and not just a consolation prize.

    "To make me feel better he said I'd be his main girl" Really? What sort of bullshit line is that! The only way you would ever be his main girl is if he was prepared to commit to you, and you only!

    I know it hurts, but cut him off, please, he's going to use you and make you feel like shit, and then break up with you anyway... you'll be upset either way, so why not leave now and have your dignity intact.

    The rest is in your hands, but you honestly don't need him in your life... it's like that saying;

    Why have cotton, when you can have silk?

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  • Wow, how is it fair that he gets to be with other people but you dont? No no no, do not agree to this. I know you love him and feel it's the only way you'll ever be together right now, but honestly, you need to stand up and tell him straight that this isn't going to be how it is.

    You're either together exclusively, together casually (or openly, as you called it) or not at all. The rules don't bend for him, and he needs to realise this. In fact, I think you probably have more chance of keeping him if you stand up to him. He clearly thinks he can walk over you. Tell him you're not willing to wait for him while he prances around with other girls, and you're not even allowed to speak to another guy - What exactly would you be getting out of your end of the deal?

    I really feel for you but I know it's one of those situations you're going to look back at in the future and wish that you'd have stood up for yourself. I wish you all the best and I hope my advice helps.

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  • Three Strikes, @meganjamespretty, and with This... Tell him You are Way too Good for this Clown Act of Antics.
    Don't think that by Jumping through any Hoops here, dear, you are Eventually going to Win this Joker back into your Life. He is Not into a Real relationship, he Wants his Sweet cake and Eat it Two with More than One, hun and it's Full of Fun on a Continued Trail Mix of Poop.
    Tell him to Get on His High Horse and to Ride out into the Sunset and to Sit on it. The Show is now Over, you are No Rover.
    Good luck and you Deserve better than this Loser. xx

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  • Personally I'd end it.

    If I'm in a relationship then I'm 101% committed to him , and only him. I'd never want to be with any other guy. My loyalties would always be towards my SO

    If he wanted an open relationship I'd have no choice but to end it , because I expect and would want comittment and loyalty from him too.

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  • you love a person who doesn't respect you. how is that possible?

    him wanting to discuss an open relationship isn't incredulous. some people do. then its a matter of you wanting that or not wanting that. but setting up double standards is pretty disgusting. like you're some kind of prize cow.

    hy do you think he thinks he has the right to make those kind of demands?

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  • Do you want an open relationship? Meaning, are you genuinely and completely okay with the fact that he'll be fucking/seeing other girls at the same time as you, while he uses you mainly as a placeholder to help him save face in front of friends and family?

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  • ... Okay uh, is this a trick question? No.

    He's a fucking idiot, don't get back with him. "Wants an open relationship but I can't talk to or fuck other guys."

    That's not an open relationship, that's side hoeing.

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  • You need to take a step back and evaluate why you love him... he sounds like a selfish prick. He wants all the perks of have a girlfriend with none of the commitment or responsibility. Sounds like you're getting a really raw deal... why take it? Are you seriously ok with him fucking other girls? And then having the audacity to tell you that you can't even have male friends? That's some grade A bullshit...

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    • 2mo

      Also, let me guess - you help take care of his kid don't you? I bet he just wants a chick at home to take care of his kid while he goes and does whatever the fuck he wants. And then frames it as "taking care of you financially". Fuck that.

  • One word: Run!
    The first thing that came to mind when I read what you wrote was "wtf?" seriously... Wtf?
    He's allowed to see and be with other women but you can't? That's not an open relationship!
    I say, get out asap if you don't agree with this arrangement... and I can see that you obviously don't! I'm sorry you're hurting :( But please know that he doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be with someone who truly loves and cares about you. He's hurting you. How is that caring about you? Sorry to break this to you but in spite of what he's said, he sure as hell doesn't give a shit about you!

    All the best!

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  • If you don't feel or want an open relationship don't settle because you will only end up unhappy in this situation. He just wants to be with others while having you. So I would say fuck that- don't do it, its one way street and you won't be getting the love and attention you deserve and want.

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  • A relationship where he is allowed to sleep around but you are not is definitely doesn't qualify as an open relationship. It's a controlling, abusive, one-sided trap. One you should get as far away from as you possibly can.

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  • So he wants to be able to do what he wants whenever he wants woth any girl he wants nd exclude you in doing any of those things with other me? Wowzer

    Sounds like a horrible relationship to be in.

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    • 3mo

      Lol so he would be a great man if he offered her to get fucked by other men?

    • 3mo

      @gukikip it meant that he was controlling, not what you were thinking.

  • I don't know, are you comfortable with that arrangement? It doesn't sound like you are. Be straight with him, let him know that you don't want that, and if he can't understand, then you're better off without him anyway.
    Don't put yourself through something you're not comfortable with to please someone else. I hope that helps :)

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  • Leave him. He sounds like a horrible human being who just wants to fuck anyone without consequences. I hate the idea of an open relationship. It just sounds like a cop out so they can fuck who they please.

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  • ya no... move on... if he was willing for it to be open on your end too than ya sure that's something to think about. But he just wants to control you and fuck other girls while at it.

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  • Easy answer here:

    Leave now and find someone else. Your boyfriend sounds like a real jerk to be honest.

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  • He does not want an open relationship. He wants a relationship that he controls. It is open for him to do what he pleases. Now I am not a psychologist nor am I a counselor but I have been around long enough to be able to tell you my feelings and I believe my feelings are right on regarding the situation. I do not believe in open relationships and at 22 or in my case 25 I don't believe in long-term relationships. They are based on romantic inconsistencies. Sort of love the fact that you're in love. You are too young to be with a guy and consider it long-term. How am I so wise to say that? Well look at the guy you chose. You're in love with the selfish bastard. He is broken up with you twice. For a reason that you're not telling us, you went back to him. Don't tell me it's because you love him. I doubt you love them I think that more likely you need him. If you give in to him now just to be with him just to stay with him, what will his next demand be? He doesn't want you to have threesomes that consist of two guys and you. He wants to girls at the same time. And he'll call that a threesome. This guy is not mature and he is trying to act out his fantasies while in the relationship with a girl that will accept whatever his demands may be. I'm sorry but my opinion is you need to break up with him. Is the son your child too? That could lead to problems and I hope that's not the answer. Do not ruin your life at age 22 because you cannot see the forest for the trees. You have miles to go before you're ready to settle down. I am not a counselor but I see my friends and my friends friends etc. thinking they are supposed to get married or settled down with the what ever at such a young age because they think they're mature, mature enough to make such decisions. I'm telling you to break up walk away, renew your life with some sort of meaning rather than that meaning be based only on the supposedly love you have for a guy who only gives a damn about himself

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  • It's time to drop him. He isn't a good guy don't do it to make him happy do what makes you happy.

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  • He does not respect you nor does he love you. If he did he would not need any other girl , at the sametime he does not want to let you move on. My suggestion would be to break things off with him.

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  • Girl, dump his ass and move on. You deserve better. he's being completely ridiculous and sort of controlling as well. There are a lot of nice guys out there !

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  • Don't do it. It's unfair, disrespectful and you will get very hurt.

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  • Listen. You know what you deserve. You deserve to be treated like a queen and to be the only woman in a mans life. Do not settle for this guy. YOU are the prize not HIM. "The only way I can be with him is if I do this"... No. The only way HE can be with YOU is if he only has eyes for you and thinks you're the most beautiful woman his eyes have seen. Because that's what every girl deserves. Find better. Don't settle for a man like that which will only eat at your insecurities and keep you up at night wondering why you're not good enough when in reality, you are. He isn't.

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  • 🤔 Leave now, it's only going to get more difficult to. Have some self respect. He is acting like this because you have allowed him to treat you like this. You deserve better but you have to know this too. Every reply is telling you to break up with him, even the guys know the answer to this. I promise you will find a really good man within no time and you're going to be like wow I wish I left that tool so much longer ago.

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  • Leave now honey while you see the truth. He doesn't love you or your feelings would matter to him. You are worth so much more than you are settling for. The right guy is out there for you believe you deserve the best and put out to the universe what you want in a partner and he will come your way.

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  • Thats awful. He doesn't love you. get out!!

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  • He's being controlling and abusive. Leave him and don't look back.

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