There has been an ongoing debate on who should pay for a FIRST date, the guy or the girl. What are your thoughts on this information below?

I regularly take my guy out. Dinner, drinks, a movie, whatever. Happily💟❤️😜. But when it comes to the VERY FIRST DATE...

A Man Only Has Two Gifts

When it comes down to understanding the Laws of Polarity, masculine energy only has two gifts to offer the feminine. Simply put, it’s his job to protect and provide. In order for feminine energy to relax into a relationship and let her guard down, she absolutely must feel “safe” and if she doesn’t, it’s game over.

In order to feel safe, she probably has to be in the company of a man who is confident, relaxed and grounded. He has to not only take care of himself, but also take care of her. This means she has to feel protected and safe in his company—both from outside forces—and from him. She also needs to feel like he can provide for her needs and look after her. Obviously, the easiest and most symbolic way to demonstrate that is by providing the meal you are sharing.

So, what is the woman’s responsibility here?

If a man’s responsibility is to protect and provide, the gift of the woman is her ability to nurture and have her man’s back. Simply put, a man is looking for a woman who will gratefully receive his gifts and appreciate his generosity. The fact is, a man can be with anyone else at any given time and when he invests his time, talent and treasure with a woman, he simply wants it to be acknowledged. Those who seem less than grateful or have an attitude of entitlement should realize how distasteful that is and not be surprised when a good man finds it to be a deal-breaker.

  • Makes sense. I agree
    62% (24)48% (21)54% (45)Vote
  • I don't get it and therefore disagree.
    38% (15)52% (23)46% (38)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
3mo
For those who think I made this up, I took the excerpt from Dave Elliot relationship expert at YourTango. com
I'm not talking about kids and how they spend their allowances. I'm referring to adults who are looking for love.
3mo Is it really so difficult to understand? When going on a first date, are not both parties trying to impress the other one, to get to a second date, third, love, happy ending etc? If not, whats the point of the date in the first place. Furthermore, if one or both people establish through the course of the first date, they have no interest in that person for a second date (prior to the bill arriving) then split it and walk away.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It makes sense, but it's way too complicated a way to get to the answer.

    I solved the problem using game theory.

    The guy essentially has four choices at the end of the first date :

    If the girl offers to pay, the guy can either let her pay, or not let her pay.
    If the girl doesn't offer to pay, the guy can just pay, or ask her to pay.

    Note that at the point of making that decision, the guy has no way of telling whether there will be a follow up date, whether the girl is a gold digger, whether she's promiscuous, whether she's all about abstinence, etc, etc.

    So with that information in mind, unless she offers to pay for the first date, he is only cock blocking himself by not paying. There is no upside to it at all, except the one time cost savings of the meal and the time spent. If she goes on and tells her friends about the experience, it might even cost him potential future dates/sex.

    TL;DR - Guys who don't pay for first dates are just dumbasses on a mission to cock block themselves.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm a firm believer that a man should pay for the first date unless I'm the one who invited him. Though, I've never had a guy ask me to pay. Even when I invited him out, the guy has always paid for me, even if we went out just as friends. Most 'men' that don't pay tend to be little boys who think they shouldn't have to work for anything or, at least, that's the kind of guys I run in to around where I live.

    I don't mind paying for a guy if we're together. I've taken out ex's on dates a lot. Breakfast, movie, dinner... as long as I could afford it, we went. I think a man should be treated, too, but not right out like that. To me, it's part of the chase, the thing men tend to like the most.

    Any guy who expects me to pay for myself or pay for the entire first date in my opinion simply isn't interested in me like that. I like being the submissive person in the relationship and by me paying for the first date, I feel like I'm taking on the dominant role.

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What Guys Said 51

  • I would say that yes this is reasonable women do look for a protector and provider its biological but in turn men are looking for a nurturer and some one loyal. The issue I think has always been that men give this but women do not give back they believe they are entitled to the mans money without themselves having to prove themselves and that is where the conflict lies. I think the reason so many disagreed is not because they really don't understand it so much as so many years of men being obligated to give while women didn't have to give anything and even began feeling entitled to what he provided has made many men very against paying for the first date. So you are trying to state what a woman's and a man's responsibilities are years after women stopped providing that and years after men stopped caring, hence the responses you have gotten. However I do personally believe that yes this is how it should be if she does not give what she has to offer to me then I have no obligation to give what I have to her, the fact is their is no such thing as unconditional, everything is an exchange of goods in some form or another. So if we are to return to that system then it would require women restoring mens faith in them which currently I don't see happening at least not any time soon.

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    • 2mo

      Thank you. At least you understand the concept. And I fully agree women DO have a roll to play and maybe both sides got bittered along the way. I'm sorry you as many other men haven't seen women's appreciation and vice versa.
      Thanks again for your comments.

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    • 2mo

      @mistixs When your gender makes up 98% of workplace accidents and deaths because you have to work the shit jobs to keep society functioning, when your gender makes up 98% of combat deaths because society looks at you as being disposable, when your gender makes up 70% of the homeless while every one tells you how impoverished the other gender who coincidentally isn't homeless, when your gender is accused of always being the abuser despite statistical evidence showing that they are the victims the majority of the time, that your gender is responsible for all rapes when statistical evidence shows that their is gender parity in rape, when your gender is accused of sexually objectifying the other just by looking at them yet the opposite gender is able to objectify you sexually and any other way they like without consequence, when your gender has their parental and reproductive rights taken away while being told how oppressive and controlling they are and how the opposite gender has the

    • 2mo

      @mistixs to control the other gender, when you have a land mark court ruling that states that a underage rape victim has to pay child support to their rapist simply because of their gender (hermsmann vs seyer, 12 year old boy was raped by his baby sitter and was forced to pay child support) when your gender has their issues ignored again and again to the point where cancers that specificly affect them are ignored for the ones that affect the other gender less frequently (breast cancer (like every other female centric disease) gets 3x the funding both from public and private sectors then prostate cancer despite prostate cancer being the second most common and lethal cancer seconded only to lung cancer), when your gender is pushed out of the school system because of its extreme focus on the other gender all the while stating how their just lazy, then then you can talk to me about oppression and demonizing, until then stop acting like a victim, you have it better then any other group.

  • When I was young, it was the normal procedure for the guy to ask the girl out and to pay for the date. Every date. So that is what is "correct" to me. If I am going to date now, it would likely be someone close to my age, so they would likely have the same standards. It would take some getting used to for me to change how that works.

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  • What is the girl offering to reciprocate the guys gesture of paying for the date?

    Supposedly "gift of the woman is her ability to nurture and have her man’s back" ?

    Yeah, but that only applies AFTER you are officially a couple. If the she loses interest after 4 or 5 dates then he never receives that nurturing. If the date doesn't result in anything then his gesture was wasted.

    So I am fine paying for dates but only AFTER she is officially my girlfriend. Otherwise I am potentially wasting my money on someone who will never be more than a stranger to me.

    Also the same girls who might expect me to wait a month and pay for all the dates have probably exchanged nudes and had sex with men who didn't have to pay for anything. Or maybe while I am paying to take her out she is already sleeping with another guy on the side because we aren't exclusive yet. I just think it would be way more flattering to be the guy she didn't expect to pay for her. It seems the more attracted a girl is to a guy, the less she expects him to do before sleeping with him.

    So I definitely prefer women who don't expect me to pay for the dates, at least not in the early stages. Once we are actually a couple and I am actually receiving that nuturing then I would happily pay to take her out.

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    • 3mo

      What would you like to see from a girl to get you her to be your girlfriend? Do you not have certain criteria that would make you fall for her and desire her to become your girlfriend?
      Do you have no expectations other than for her to just stick around and voila! she's your girlfriend?

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    • 3mo

      Well considering it was preceeded by "I am done with you", I interpreted it as being really fake. More along the lines of pity rather than genuinely wishing the best for me.

      Can't say I am surprised though. I have gotten that vibe before while reading your opinions. You have this "I am right and you're wrong so kiss my ass" type of mentality and talk down to those who disagree with you even if they never said anything to disrespect you.

    • 3mo

      sorry that you feel that way. I do have strong opinions on some subjects but I do try to understand most everyones elses as well... unless they are just ludicrous or otherwise outlandish comments.

  • Not really a debate. Some people are stuck in the past, or, as with many US girls, they want it both ways--equality, but the guy should still pay!. I know girls who have NEVER, once, paid for a drink, OR for vacations, and they aren't supermodels, either. And this is well into the new century, when females have been half the work force for quite a while.

    Modern guys are just not going to put up with this any longer.

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    • 3mo

      aren't there certain things you look for in a woman to get you to the stage of making her your girlfriend?

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    • 3mo

      no not reallly. You're profile says you are married so maybe this excersise is moot.
      What drew you to her? do you feel she has or had your back at some point? Do you feel she respects and appreciates you, or did at one point? were those at all relevant to your decision to propose to her?

    • 3mo

      She has inner strength, and has an independent point of view... Although she knows I'm nearly always right.

  • Meh I don't require nor do I desire nurturing in a relationship. I can take care of myself. I don't need to be catered to or waited on. There seems to be this notion that people need to be dependent on their partners for relationships to work and I completely disagree with all of that. Why can't both people protect and provide for each other when the situation calls for it? If I wanted to be a total provider I'd buy a pet.

    I'm a firm believer in equal relationships. It's interesting how many people I meet claim to want that but really don't. That's my unpopular opinion on the situation.

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  • I've always felt the it's the guys responsibility to pay.
    It's a fair test of his ability, at lest when it comes to manners and finances.

    Over a 40 year marriage, for example, he is likely to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on his family. So, if he makes a fuss over a $40 dinner for a first date, he's probably not going to make a great boyfriend.

    $40 spent on the woman who might be the potential love of your life is a small price to pay and he will be happy to do it, if he knows what's good for him.

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    • 3mo

      Yes! So many boys on here think every girl is just looking for a free meal!

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    • 2mo

      Oh, a "relationship expert". You mean a guy who wasn't good at anything other than bullshit 101 in school? Do they learn at the same schools fortune tellers and astrologists go?
      lol "relationship expert"...

    • 2mo

      @JuicyBrain hi, as I said in the other post
      I'd really appreciate it if you took your anger and bitterness elsewhere. I'm really sorry if something I've written offends or incites you. I wish you well in life and love
      but would really appreciate it if you went away from here. thanks.

  • I think the guy should at the very least offer to pay for the first date. A lot of young guys these days seem to have no sense of romance. What is so bad about treating a sweet young lady that you like to a meal? I don't know why this has suddenly become a huge deal honestly

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    • 3mo

      I feel like I'm not even from the same generation as people my age when it comes to dating to tell the truth

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    • 3mo

      Women don't ask because they don't wanna pay lol If you're traditional would you cook, clean, give sex on command to your SO or do you olny want the benefits of it?(This is a yes or no)
      Again I'm in a generation where women love to pay their part. I've been on a date where a girl asked me out, we split.
      Their's a reason I called you out for being a Anglo, you're all same in this country, the girl that wrote that article is definitely a Anglo and theirs a reason girls like her stay still; shallow.

    • 3mo

      @Kuqezi to answer your question YES. but it's not on command, it's upon request

  • I agree. A relationship is a 50/50 deal, but not to be taken too literally. Both rolls have very different responsibilities in the relationship. Nice take

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    • 3mo

      Like I said earlier, you sir are wise beyond your years. 💟

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    • 3mo

      lol. once you do, you sure have the sensibilities to keep her!

    • 3mo

      Thanks! I sure think so. The search continues!

  • I am fine with you thinking that. I just won't date you. I am tired of women wanting to be treated like princesses most of the times AND then be treated like men when it suits them. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You want to be seen as responsible adults and be responsible for yourself? Then pay for your own shit damnit ! It's about principles. I know it doesn't cost that much, but if it doesn't cost that much, you should be able to pay for it then ! Show us that you respect our time and the value of money. Show us that you are not just another entitled princess. Show us that you are going to be a teammate instead of a deadweight. Pay your share !

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    • 2mo

      Just so I understand, you meet a beautiful girl, exchange good conversation, find you have a lot in common so you decide to ask her out. You decide on a restaurant, pick her up (or meet her there) have a nice time, laugh, smile at each other, maybe touch or hold hands then dinner ends, you're still enjoying her company and she says this was nice, I hope we can do it again. Your response is "me too, but I'm gonna need $43 for your half of the bill".

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    • 2mo

      I'd rather not have to block you but you're starting to scare me.

    • 2mo

      Woah ! Scared? We're two strangers on a website having an argument. I am not threatening you in any manner. I don't mean to scare you but I do disagree with you. I would take that you'd block me because I piss you off, but blocking me because you're scared? I don't want that...

  • I've always paid for the first date. Its never been an issue outside of gag as far as my concern goes. I'm old fashioned tho.

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  • so the options you offer are A/ agree with you or B/ too dumb to get it?

    how obnoxious.

    Too bad though, it was moderately well written and made a decent argument til you act all arrogant and entitled with voting options. ironic on the entitled part. lol

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    • 2mo

      With the fear of creating another long drawn out mgtow moment I did want to correct you and your stance. My poll options were pretty damn straight forward and in no way assume anyone is too dumb. It's simple. You either get it and agree or you don't get it (don't subscribe) and disagree. There really no way to fully "get it" and disagree. But not getting it doesn't mean you are too dumb, it just means you don't get it, don't subscribe, don't agree. Why so angry?

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    • 2mo

      Advanced college prep logic in HS.

    • 2mo

      I'm beginning to think you use words that sound good without actually knowing or caring of their meaning.
      "backpeddling and apologetics" really?
      FYI, I've done neither.

  • This is a simple opinion to offer.

    If I invited you to join me for lunch, would you expect me to pay?
    If I saw you in a bar and I ordered a round of drinks for you and I, would you expect me to pay?
    If I offer you a ride home from work and stop for fuel, would you expect me to pay?
    (hint: these are all yes questions)

    The one who asks is the one who pays. The responder is not expected to pay.
    Simple

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    • 3mo

      But apparently many of the boys here won't pay because they believe their date is a money grubbing wh*re.

  • The man is to treat her out on a date. Doesn't matter if she makes more or less money. The man is to take the lead, I know others will disagree or argue with me on this, so what. Showing her your a man that can and will provide for her. A boy will be immature about having her pay for the date.

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    • 3mo

      THANK YOU! So many as you say "kids" have been so bitter and angry about this concept. Some even going as far as to say they're being used? I say if they feel that way about the women they are interested in dating, maybe they are choosing the wrong women or aren't ready to date in the first place.

  • Women aren't perpetual victims. They are adults who can take care of themselves. They don't need 'protection', they don't need a 'provider,' and they don't need a man for these things. Women are capable on their own.

    Both women and men have masculine and feminine qualities. Some balanced towards one way, others the opposite, etc. There's no man who is 100% masculine and there's no woman who is 100% feminine.

    Such notions of 'tradition' that you purport are childish and outdated. Besides, all that I learned studying social dynamics, men who are the supposed 'provider type' don't even have sexual attraction.
    https://youtu.be/HGEO6ig8WsM

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    • 3mo

      I'm not talking about hitting on a girl or buying her a drink at the bar you happen to be at (which is awful btw) I'm referring to the girl you've asked out on a first date.

  • When it comes to the laws of polarity, but what if we dont want to follow your bullshit fantasy of polarity? It only exists in your mind, there is no such thing as polarity, otherwise the woman would bring two gifts as well but she does not, she is a parasite on her host.

    Just pay for the food YOU buy.

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    • 3mo

      That's not from my mind. It's an excerpt from a column of a MALE dating expert.

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    • 3mo

      Thank the lord above for that.

    • 3mo

      lol @SarahsSummer so you only wrote the voting options? The rest of it was pretty good-the voting options were idiotic

  • I get it and I still disagree. If a girl wants me to only protect and provide she better does her part as well.

    Reality is, that ain't happening. And you know why? Because we aren't pure animals anymore. While that drive is still there and affects us, there is more to it.

    In the end it is common courtesy for the one to pay who invites. And if you don't have enough money, do not invite to a costly place. Go eat icecream for a few bucks or something.

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    • 3mo

      There was no comment on where or what that first date entails or cost and maybe you missed the part of the girls responsibility with the guys gesture.

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    • 2mo

      So forcing women to ignore their animal urges is "moderation and a middle ground" but forcing men to ignore their animal urges, is not?

    • 2mo

      @mistixs

      You trying to misunderstand me on purpose?

      1. Nowhere did I say that it is ok for one and not for the other.

      2. You still go from one extreme to the other. You realise that human intellect and animal urges can find a balance, right?

  • I actually agree. It makes sense. Besides, The cost of a meal is a small price to pay in trying to create a connection with someone.
    I really don't understand all the haters. Those are probably the same guys who hate women because they can't get a date in the first place. And with attitudes like that, if I were a girl, I wouldn't want then either. Some of these guys get caught in their own catch 22.

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  • I don't mind paying for a woman. What I do mind is the double-standard of feminist type women. They disagree with traditional gender roles and in most areas want to be treated exactly like men, yet here they expect to be treated like feminine women and push men to act in a traditional manner because it benefits them in this case because duh, they don't have to pay for shit. I think that's what most guys find annoying, because they expect a man to be the traditional man but they call him sexist if he expects her to be a traditional woman. Either you want to be treated the same as us or you don't. Imagine a guy who never wanted to pay for anything, doesn't want to ever provide for you or protect you, but then expects you to do all the housework, cook for him and have sex whenever he wants it. One-sided right?

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    • 3mo

      This whole take/question is referring solely to the first date. when a man meets a girl and asks her out. The first time. I abhor gold diggers.

    • 3mo

      Yeah I get that, but the reason you want those things. is because it says a lot about what the entire relationship will probably be like because it shows the way they view gender roles, their own roles, how they'll treat a partner. When a girl expects all of those things from a man but doesn't seem to offer anything in return that's how it will provably be for the rest of the relationship. Same goes for a guy.

    • 3mo

      do you not have certain expectations of what you are looking for in a girlfriend/mate? Something or things that drive you to want more than just a meal? Something that says I dont want to be without this woman?

  • I think that excerpt is a very clear example of looking at a 3d world in 2d. It's a very overly simplistic way of looking at things. And frankly, the conditions set are very unfavorable to the male.

    On a first date, nobody owes anyone anything. If a girl asks a guy on a date, the guy should expect to pay half. If a guy asks a girl on a date, she should expect to pay half. This expectation by women that the man pays has nothing to do with him 'providing' (seriously, it's one fucking meal, let's not act like it's so significant) and nothing to do with how 'traditional' (lol what a crock of shit) she is. It has to do with her wanting a free meal. Dance around it however you want, that's what it boils down to. On a first date, you're supposed to be there with the purpose of getting to know someone and if the fact that you actually have to pay for your own food (gasp) gives you an ulser so bad that it ruins the entire date for you then just throw yourself off a cliff because your priorities in life suck and your parents failed to create a mature human being.

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    • 3mo

      its interesting in one breath you say its "one F'ing meal" and not really significgant but in the next breath you place a great deal of weight on NOT paying.
      One aspect of getting to know the guy is shown in the insignificant sybolism of paying for her meal. If you take a girl out, are you not trying to show her the best version of yourself in the hopes she likes you? just as I will get my nails done $60, buy a new dress or jeans $80-100 and take a great deal of time on my hair, make up and accessories all in the hopes that you like me. Why is that small GESTURE such a great hurdle for you to overcome?

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    • 3mo

      I was trying to be nice but you are seriously bitter, twisted or recently abused so here's some better advice. Save the $20-50
      And just go fuck yourself.

    • 3mo

      Save the next schmuck that amount and do the same

  • "A Man Only Has Two Gifts" ?

    I don't know about the guys you are used to but I got a lot more to offer than just protection and money. And I don't see relationships as some kind of agreements where I give her protection and provide shit for her and in exchange she gives me what, sex and cooking I guess?

    Also the way you speak of women is pretty fucking patronizing in my opinion, you talk as if women were some fragile little creatures who can't take care of themselves and need a man to provide for them. I mean sure there might be women like that, but I wouldn't date someone that insecure and helpless.

    Also real mature with the voting options there, grow the fuck up.

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    • 3mo

      I am absolutely NOT suggesting we are fragile creatures. Paying for the date has so very little to do with money but if you can't comprehend that, you are not ready for the ADULT dating (looking for love) world.

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    • 3mo

      News flash little boy. WOMEN ARE ATTEACTED TO CONFIDENCE.

    • 3mo

      I'm funny, out going and smart. I can give her company, emotional support and sex. I am someone who she can trust completely and I will be there for her. There are countless ways I can make her life better and more enjoyable than just by protecting and providing.

      And when I'm looking for a mate I'm gonna look for someone who can offer me many of those things back, including other things that suit her personality better.

      Honestly the attitude this whole post has "you offer her this and this, and she will give you this and this" is so fucking off putting I would never want a shallow and empty relationship like that.

  • I dont like the way you put it but understand what you're trying to say
    And i agree with it for the most part
    If we like a girl we are fully willing to pay
    please keep in mind ladies that we akways always even if we are dating you for a year and a half we always want you to at least offer to pay

    It shows bad character if you dont

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  • This is the absolute truth when it comes to basic caveman interaction of humans, but as women on this site like to [sarcastically dictated but never read] "eloquently" like to remind the men, "we're no longer cave men".

    If a female has a job she should pay her fair share unless I'm really trying to impress her or I feel that paying for her side of the date is worth it. If I get the vibe that she just expects it, well she's paying for her dinner and maybe I'm ditching her with my side of the bill depending on how much of a bitch she is.

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    • 3mo

      Why would you even ask the girl on a date in the first place if that is how you'd view her?

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    • 2mo

      "I'm ditching her with my side of the bill depending on how much of a bitch she is"
      sarcasm
      WHAT? You would make her pay for YOUR meal? How HORRIBLE ! Isn't it @Sarahsummer?
      /sarcasm

    • 2mo

      @JuicyBrain I've asked you nicely twice now. Please just go away. Your anger and bitterness isn't going to be resolved in this forum but I do wish you well in life and love. K? Please?

  • I get what sentiments you are trying to get at here, and I agree.
    But if your idea of "feeling protected", "safe" and cared for is people paying your bills, then we have a problem.
    That's plain shallow and you have instantly made me uninterested.

    And frankly, if your entire job is to "gratefully receive" my gifts you better be an A-grade hot shit for me to value you above my money.

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  • I tried to let her pay
    I decided that before the date between me and myself
    But I couldn't let that happen eventually

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  • Sarah did not have a good summer =P

    Sarah I don't get it... yesterday you told me that on the first date I should spend $0.00 on a first date. And you also said that if I spent $20-$50 on first dates, I should instead use that money to pay for my own therapy... I'm confused.

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    • 3mo

      Confusion is another good reason to spend your money on therapy.

    • 3mo

      Oh man I love this chick!

      Sarah you're literally becoming my favourite lol

  • Normally I'd be against the first date thing, but this makes a lot of sense to me.

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  • F*ck that sh*t! First date means nothing expensive, not even dinner for me. I'm not gonna be some walking ATM for some princess type I hardly know and who I could quite possibly never hear from again after the date.

    Besides, I don't want immature girls who can't even afford their own meal...

    I'm willing to be generous and pay for a date, AFTER we already have something going on, as a gift, not to prove I can be her pimp.

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    • 2mo

      I'm sorry you are so angered by the mating/dating process.

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    • 2mo

      Thank you, I wish you the best as well, with a traditional man.

    • 2mo

      Im good. Thanks. Already found my man.

  • Provide you say, in that can you should become a housewife, and then it would be okey.

    tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Housewife

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  • Those people are just justifying their dating techniques or in other cases, they are trying to popularize their books by talking about "polarity laws". In my opinion, polarity laws are fine but they can be dismissed partly or entirely in everyday life (except for sex maybe?) because... Regardless of polarity, I like a girl who is grateful, honest and all that. If she is "less grateful" then yea its a deal breaker but it has nothing to do with polarity

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    • 3mo

      It's funny that you agree with everything said except how it's labeled.

    • 3mo

      Yess agree with the author's words since he is strictly talking about individuals of total opposite polarities i think.

  • If a girl expects me to pay for the first date, I just assume she's not interested. That's the only logical reason I can think of. If she really was into me, she'd want to spend time with me whether I pay or not.

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What Girls Said 15

  • What you say makes sense. However, somehow this still rubs me the wrong way, because why law states that man absolutely has to do it on the first date? What excuses the woman from doing this favor for him too? Both should split the bill, or the woman should at least pitch in for the tip, or better yet, just buy your own meal. Then after that, maybe naturally he'll want to pay for the whole meal next time, or maybe the woman will. I think the first date should be neutral at your own expense becuase you're getting to know each other before fully investing yourself in something that may not even work in the first place.

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  • Ehh, I disagree. I paid for the majority of our first date, my meal and half of his because I'd recommended the restaurant and felt bad that he didn't like it, and I don't think my 'feminine energy' particularly cared.

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  • On first dates, i always pay my own way. Im not about to make basically a stranger buy me dinner.

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    • 3mo

      for me personally, id rather a man take care of me by fucking me just how i like over paying for my chicken sandwich lol with love making there is an emotional connection

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    • 3mo

      After that It'd be nice of him to, since by then i will have decided if i really like him. If i dont like a guy or dont know him well enough to decide if i like him, i pay for myself.

    • 3mo

      When I've got the cash ill pay for a meal that both of us had occasionally just because i want to do something nice for him, and when we've been dating for awhile like my current boyfriend and i, it doesn't really matter who pays. Either way, we're both getting some tonight 😂

  • I never understood why that's an issue for so many men? Isn't it just common courtesy to pay? My boyfriend was raised that way and on our first date, he payed. Also it was the fact that I wasn't working at the time and simply didn't have the money to pay for my half lmao. I'm probably going to get downvoted but I just believe it's a kind thing to do. I wouldn't go into the first date with the expectation of him paying for my meal and would offer to go in half but still, it's just kind and I would be super appreciative if he did.

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    • 3mo

      It grinds many guys gears, because the reason guys were paying was due to them earning more. That is not happening anymore.

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    • 3mo

      Well this question was about the first date.

    • 3mo

      @Maik567 I know

  • on a first date, both people should pay for themselves. that way, no one is indebted to the other (especially since a lot of men think that paying for the date means the girl owes them sex), especially if things don't go well.

    once you're part of a couple, you can take turns. times are tough for everyone, and there's no reason i can't pay for my own supper.

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    • 3mo

      Sorry, as far as the chance for potential romance, I think that's the last thing to do.
      Nothing says "friends" more than going Dutch. If not automatically the guy, I'm more inclined to whoever did the asking.

    • 2mo

      if the person who does the asking wants to pay for things, that's fine... as long as they understand that the other does *not* owe them anything.

    • 2mo

      That's a burden on whoever feels owed that I won't be concerned with.

  • Depends on the people. Obviously if I were to take you out (if I was a guy) I would pay for the first date because that is what you expect apparently and I guess that is fine, but if you start to expect it on a regular basis... then I'd probably think it was unfair and leave.

    I let my guy pay for our first date. He was like "do you want me to get this?" and i was like "sure" because I wasn't sure if he wanted me to pay half or if he actually meant that he just wanted to pay it. It was a little awkward. I think I chose the wrong one, but I made up for it later. I contribute my share now. We get along very well now I think.

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  • A man and women need to have an equal balance of what they give in the relationship. For a first date a girl should ask if he wants to split the bill and if he says no then that would be nice but either way a women needs to learn to be independent and not always count on their man to give them everything. Women can take care of themselves. But again it can depend on a guy some guys love to shower their women in gifts and love and other do it but they want the same affection back. It can be a turn off for men when they are the ones feeling like they're taking care of a kid..

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    • 3mo

      I guess you missed the part where the woman's responsibility comes in.

    • 3mo

      Um no I didn't. I don't like the way it says what the women's responsibility should be. But whatever this is a place for people to share there opinions so...

  • Nope, that still doesn't make it right for a guy to always having to pay for a meal.

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    • 3mo

      Not always. Just the first date.

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    • 2mo

      ad hominems are only a concession of the argument. :)

    • 2mo

      @feminismisnarcissism you really aren't as bright as you hope to appear are you?

  • Whoever invites the other person should do so under the assumption they are paying. After that, take turns.

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  • That information makes sense but I still disagree. The date should be split or share a monetry resembalance. Like food v drinks, or food v activity.

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  • Totally get where you're coming from, but honestly, I am happy to split or pay for what I ate. We aren't all made of money.

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  • Depends on who asked who out, if i asked him out id pay

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  • who ever asks pays

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    • 3mo

      Works for me.

    • 2mo

      That's a bit of a problem though. When was the last time you asked a man out? Probably never. You can say "lol whoever invites pays" all you want, but if you don't ever invite someone, the man still ends up paying 100% of the time.

    • 2mo

      @Kirah I've been with the same guy for three years but I did pursue him and DID ask him on our second date AND paid.

  • Take turns. One date you pay and the next date he pays

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    • 3mo

      Yes. I think that makes great sense. I'm only talking about the very first date and frankly the best chance a guy has at a second (for her to treat)

  • This reminds me of a date I had gone on with on another girl (I'm bi). She pretty much said that she prefers to split the bill when she's with a woman but if she's on a date with a man, she expects him to pay. I walked right out and wasn't interested in a second date.

    That being said, I don't agree with what you said. If you think that you deserve something just because of what's between your legs, you're not worth dating.

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    • 2mo

      I don't feel that way in the slightest. Not sure how you gleaned anything to do with what's between my legs from my post.

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    • 2mo

      What I expect? I had no expectations going into the date other than being hopeful he was someone I could be interested in seeing again. As I've said to others , if we didn't feel a connection we'd acknowledge that and split the cost of the spaghetti.
      Fortunately for both of us, there really was a connection, he graciously paid, I offered, he refused I appreciated him paying and as I said earlier I bought our second dinner. why does this seem so criminal, so nefarious to you? Has a man ever bought you something? Did you appreciate it?
      forget that.
      I don't care to know.

    • 2mo

      Well at least you did offer. Based on what you've been saying till now, it seems like you didn't even do that. You've been constantly saying that the man SHOULD pay.

      And yes men have bought stuff for me plenty of time and I do appreciate it but I don't expect it of them. There's a VERY huge difference between appreciating what someone does for you and expecting them to do it.

      I've had men pay for me on first dates before but if they weren't up for it, I was always willing to pay for myself. I agree with you that a man paying for me shows that he's interested, but he has every right to feel the same way. Women aren't the only ones that like being desired.

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