There's a lot of first date talk on g@g and who should pay for the first date. I'm asking this question as an experiment and I want to know if times have changed. Do girls still expect for the guy to pay, or is it different now, and we now split the bill or have the girl pay? I am very interested to see how the girls answer this and what the guys would think. :)
- I expect the female to offer to pay for her part And if she does that, then I'm like nonono I'm going to pay And she should be like "no, I'm paying my half" And then I pay for both parts
That's great because at least she wanted to pay for her part ---
But if I'm there and she's like - Okay you dickholder, pay for my meal to worship my womanly charm (read: vagina) because you're the Man and it's your job to pay because I'm a Woman and this is what I deserve for being a Woman and blah blah blah
Then I just want to be like "fuck you, you horrible person, I sure hope you'll get hit by a bus or something"
Simple logic, really; if you're a decent human being, people won't mind paying for you, because you wouldn't mind paying for yourself
In my opinion, whoever asked out the other person should be prepared to pay. Of course, offering to pay your share is still nice. That being said, dates don't have to cost a lot of money. I wouldn't even mind if we did something that was FREE! I'm perfectly happy just hanging out and talking to get to know someone. I like hiking and other outdoor activities that don't cost anything at all.
In my established relationship though, I have paid for my boyfriend plenty of times. Sometimes he pays and sometimes I do. We never split the bill, one of us always just pays for the other. It's not a big deal.
This is a topic that really just depends on the individual couple and what works best for them. It's not a "one size fits all" kind of thing. Some people are more traditional than others and that's okay. People should do whatever they feel is best for themselves.
First of all, lemme laugh a bit.. hahahaha xD Is this? THIS is really a subject for discussion? If you think that much about paying about dates, how are you supposed to enjoy your time with each other?
Anyway, there are three common beliefs :- ●Men should always pay ●They should pay one's part ●Whoever approaches for date should pay
1. Men should always pay = Common etiquette. We all have been raised by telling that this is how it is supposed to be. Personally, I don't care even a little bit if I have to pay every time. I feel proud to do so and it gives me a feeling of dominant leader. It doesn't cost me financial problems either. But how about a comman man? What if he barely manages to pay his rent and college fees? Will he forever stay single then?
2. They should pay one's part = I find this to be the cheapest thing. This clearly separates you two if this is your basic rule in your life. How will you live together? The woman will pay the electricity bill of refrigerator as she spends time in kitchen and the man will pay for air conditioner as he spends time in the living room? This just doesn't work. Your souls are not connected if you do partitioning.
3. Whoever approaches for date should pay = Good. I approached her so, it's my responsibility to show her that I'd pay for her expenses, if I'm paying I'm better than the other guys, I'd show myself worthy. Really? What if SHE appreciated me? Would I be comfortable if she paid for our first date following by proposing me? I would feel that she's trying too hard. Is she 'buying' me? Would she feel the same way if I did that? Probably not. Why? Because that's not how the society functions.
So, what's we gonna do now? Honestly, nothing! Guys should pay. It's our pseudo responsibility as it's the responsibility of girls to clean the house and make us delicious food. We created rules for a reason. For a stable society.
If he can't pay, he should be upfront and it must be understood by the girl as she's dating him, she should understand his background, consequences and feelings. So, she should pay then.
They could rotate the turns too as there are gold-diggers who just want luxuries and really hate their partner and players who believe that a prostitute would cost $200 while a date would cost only $100 for ONS. Rotation would dissipate the speculations.
I think the question should have just been, "Girls, would you mind paying on a date?"
a lot of guys go in knowing or wanting to pay for the first date, and do so without complaint. However, I know many guys who pay for the MAJORITY if not all of them.
Girls, you have to understand why some guys get upset. Making guys pay for a lot of things makes us feel like your entire perspective is that your time is worth more than ours, and that we should provide monetary incentive.
It makes it a transaction, and what should be a fun time with equal parts of effort on both sides to get to know each-other becomes a man paying for attention.
If you don't go to get to know him better, but go just for the "free food", you are a gold digger.
I'm not saying all guys or girls think this way, just trying to explain some view points on the issue.
Thank you young lady 😊 will opine though it says 'question for girls' 😋
I could well have been born 500 years hence & my fav movie still would be Kate & Leopold.
While id prefer paying the same way I hold the door open, pull out the chair etc but in the current era chivalry is often perceived as patronising & as challenging the girl's individuality or ability, I watch for signs if there is no direct communication regarding the same. The idea is to make her comfortable & feel cherished immaterial of who pays or we go Dutch. offer I will to begin with but not insist to a point of her discomfort
Dating means guy is looking for potential mate!.. - So what I personally think is if a guy is not able capable for paying for his first date!.. What proves that he is currently not capable of going into a successful relationship!.. In my personal view!.. I won't date unless I am capable of paying for everything!.. And first date don't need to be fucking expensive!.. However if she wants to go to fucking expensive date then it can mean we split the bill only if she is a earning lady without responsibility...
yea, I wonder how many women would be up for a 2nd date, if they guy said they had to pay any of the first date? I bet very few. While I will break up with a woman that doesn't at least offer to pay for one of the 3 dates after the first date, I will never let her pay for the first one. Women have it so nice and easy when it comes to dating and sex. ugg...
In general, no. In specific circumstances, yes I have a problem with it.
That's why I've always avoided asking girls on dates. I say, "I'm going to X later, you could come if you wanted" or "I'm going to X, you should come". There's no mention of a date, so the assumption is you pay your own way. If she can't afford it, she will tell me so and that's when I make a decision of whether or not I want to pay for her. Not when the check comes. The time to have the conversation is before you go. The same goes for if the girl invites me. I assume I'm paying for myself. If that's an issue, then I speak up.
It seems, that there is little hope left in society.
Paying for the full bill on the first dates would make me feel used. I'd prefer if we (prior to that went on free-cheap dates) split the very first bill, then on the second date I'd cover the full cost and then take turns. To me, that shows, that she IS in fact concerned about men being used as free meals and it's a very good sign to me.
Wow... all the guys said they wanted to see results like they picked up some prostitute off the street and are looking for a reward. Sad...
Regarding to paying the tab we all have had our financial problems. I suppose if you has those issues then yes paying up would be a problem. To say for me I would pay because that's what men do and money is not an issue for me.
@EllieLexis513 you say to many, as if it is in-proportionate. yet, that isnt' the case. Many women also just want sex. why dont I feel obligated for you paying for my dinner? I am grown, and I dont except someone to pay for me just because of my gender. Also it is relevant, because you are a women, and you stand by such a ignorant notion.
I once took a girl to the movies with only 20$. When we got there i falsely asked her if she wanted something to snacks, and thank god she said no. After the movie she asked if i wanted to get some drinks, i told her i was broke and she insisted on paying. I lowered my pride and allowed her to buy me a beer.
I broke that girls heart and i resent it until this day.
It's ridiculous for the girl to have pay for the whole meal on the first date. That being said I think some kind of split , for example everyone pays for their own, is best. As the times have changed, I think both need to chip in and value eachothers time.
I would definitely go halves. I mean, I wouldn't want to pay for the whole bill myself, so why should I expect him to? Especially only just now meeting him. I think things change after being together for a while, you sometimes take it in turns to pay or treat eachother, perhaps.
For the last 25 years I've been insisting on paying my share of things, and felt that it was best for my security to do so. I never wanted to hear someone say after a failed date, "But I paid for you!" and, "Great, you owe me twelve dollars." I would also drive my own car and leave on my terms. This way if things went well, then great, we go on a second date now that we are getting somewhere. But first date, never.
All too often the guilt-trip of paying for someone else leads to an eventual melt down, usual from the guys, who are sick to death of paying for first-dates only and never getting anywhere with a woman. I removed myself from any potential guilt-trips by agreeing to pay my half and showing up and leaving by my own means of transportation.
I have had a guy insist on paying for a meal, but then I'll insist on paying for something else like the drinks. I've also had people insist because they were the ones doing the inviting, not me.
I believe there are too many princesses out there who are holding on to an old tradition that doesn't apply to today, as much as they wish it did or think they deserve it. When it comes to dating, no male or female deserves something more than the other because of their gender.
I wouldn't mind at all. If I got mad at the guy for not paying for me, that's basically supporting the fact that I view women as incompetent to make-do on their own. I have a job and expenses just like he does, so there's no reason why he should be expected to pay for anything outside of making the occasional nice gesture. Which would apply to myself, as well.
I think it's really up to the people on the date. I have no issue paying for a date, but I don't expect to pay for every date. I think most guys would feel the same. It's nice to get treated once in awhile. And I know that most of us don't have a money tree in our backyards to just pay for all dates.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with splitting the bill. And there's nothing wrong with the lady paying, and there's nothing wrong with the guy paying. It all depends on a person's preferences.
I've never had an expensive first date. Usually it's just coffee or meeting to go for a walk. Also, I usually order something really cheap like hot tea or drip coffee. And more background, I haven't gone on tons of dates with different guys lol.
But in my experience, a guy who doesn't pay turns out to be a douchebag. I spend minimum 2 hours getting ready for a date using hair products, makeup, perfumes, time on putting together an outfit, etc.. Dudes just have to shower, put on clothes and deoderant, and maybe hair gel and colone if they fancy. All my primping costs me money (and I look damn good) so I think its justified that he spends 7 bucks on coffee. Two example dates that ended awful when he didn't pay: One guy that didn't pay licked my ear and wouldn't stop telling me I smell good. Another it was just obvious he was a lazy person that spent his paycheck on beer.
On the second date is when I start paying for stuff. But it should remain balanced. For example, on the second date with a guy recently he drove 1.5 hours to see me. So, I paid $22 for us to get into a marine exhibit and later he bought us dinner for $21. On the next date he drove 1.5 hours again so I bought movie tickets for $24 and he bought lunch for $35. He still has paid slightly more I guess but I still am paying a good chunk. And he has remarked repeatedly that he can pay for everything if I wsnt. We also have spent hours together just walking on trails or beaches.
I guess when it comes down to it, on the first date and second date I am trying to get a generalization of who the guy is; his hobbies, if he has a job and if he is happy with it, and if he is a gentleman. They are meant to be cheap. To me, a gentleman pays on the first date.
The BS is strong on the girls side... It would be hell on earth if a guy tried to pull this shit in real dating. If he asked my ass out, he offers to pay the whole bill and I refuse it politely and gladly pay for my meal. This is how grown up men and women do it. If he demands to go dutch I will be the last time he will hear from me.
Oh man... gonna get hate. So I think whoever does the asking should do the paying for date one. However, I alwaya go prepared to pay for everything just in case. If he asked me out, and asked me to pay for pur first date, I honestly probably wouldn't go on another with him, not because I'm a gold digger, but because I'm old school, from the south, and I very much appreciate a man who holds those old school values. Second date, I don't mind paying. I also don't even mind if it's a date that needs money or not. One of my favorites dates was with a club DJ, who was in school, and worked at a pizza place. He made us a pizza, then we went to a music store and he played me guitar, drums, piano, and then we just sat and talked and got to know each other. So I also am not looking for much. I'm not a fancy chick.
in my opinion i think whoever proposes a date should be the one to pay (limited to the first date), after which it should be ok for either of them to pay the next ones, it doesn't really matter who pays and it shouldn't even have to be a subject for discussion, if you keep thinking about the bill then how are you supposed to enjoy your time together?
For me, I like to always split the bill in half, even on the first date. I will always offer, and if the man insists on getting it, I let him. I never go into a date expecting for someone to treat me, unless I've been dating them for a while and he's taking me out for valentines day or my birthday, then I expect my meal to be paid for. Even though I expect it, I will still always ask if they want to split it with me because I have no problem paying for what I order.
So when I'm out with my man, we usually split the bill unless he wants to take care of it. Sometimes I'll also insist that I'm going to pay for the both of us.
I did mostly pay with my boyfriend. We'd already been together for well over a year by the time we actually went on a first real date so maybe our relationship was a little more solid than most first daters but yeah. I recommended that we go to the restaurant and it ended up being a bit shite that day and I felt bad so I think I paid for my meal and half of the cost of his meal too. I generally prefer splitting the bill.
I might offer, but I don't want him to assume that I'll pay for his food, or expect it- just as I wouldn't assume automatically that he was going to pay for mine. My preference on a first date is to split the check, unless things are already pretty serious by the time our first official date rolls around.
I'm more traditional, so I see the guy as taking more of a lead. So, if he's the one who asked me out and picked the restaurant, I expect him to pay. That being said, when the relationship progresses, I'll gladly pay 50% or pick up the entire tab (maybe even ask him out, time to time). But he's paying for the first date.
Personally I would like the guy to offer to pay the whole bill, but I would insist on either paying my way or making it clear that I will pick up the next one (good way to bring up a second date if it's going well too). My current guy usually only lets me pay for our drinks or the tip, but I buy all the groceries for making him a home cooked meal. We figure it all balances out eventually.
I prefer to go half. It's a FIRST date, meaning we're still feeling each other out. What if someone has a terrible time, and doesn't click with the other person, and then also has to pay for them? Not fair in my opinion.
I would certainly pay for my half and do always offer to pay. However, for better or for worse, we live in a culture where it is customary for men to pay on the first date. I'm not saying I think this is right; it is just how it is. With all of that said, men need to think about what kind of message they could be sending if they don't pay. I know it sucks. But, if it's a common expectation, not fulfilling that expectation could make some women have a certain, possibly negative, perception of you. I wouldn't have a negative perception (we're equals, so why shouldn't we split it?), but I think some women would. Maybe those are just awful women that you shouldn't be dating.
If he asked me out on a first date I'd expect him to pay as he asked me out but at the same time if he suggested going dutch I wouldn't kick up a fuss, if he said he forgot his wallet well that might be a red flag. Second date I usually buy thr dinner to prove a point that i can't be bought.
I'd either pay the whole thing myself or pay half. I think it's harsh to expect the guy to do it always.
Another thing I don't mind is taking turns. Or whoever asked whom out for the date or whoever planned it. Of course if you did this option, make sure you're taking turns planning the date and asking one another out because it would be unfair if only one person just asks and is the only one paying.
Since I'm not rich, I don't think I can afford to always take the entire bill Everytime I go on dates. And I think some guys might feel emasculated if the girl pays for them so that's another reason to not do it. I am always willing to either split the Bill or pay for my own shit. Either way i don't expect him to pay for me. I'm not his daughter.