How does a guy in his mid thirties meet women?

I'm done with online dating. The theory of it is great, but when you have to "approach" someone online who is receiving tons of other messages from guys, your chances are just above absolute zero.

Part of me thinks I should just give up, and if I had any sense I would, but I'm lonely. How can I meet women who are interested in a serious, long term relationship at my age?


1|1
10|12

Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend and I are 33 and 32. We met online at 31 and 30. We started as friends with benefits, and it progressed into something more. It only started that way because we both had fears of commitment at that time. But we were basically in a relationship with no label for 3 months.

    I would go out around groups of other people who are into the same hobbies and interests, and meet new people in general. That way you increase your chances of meeting a single lady through other new mutual friends.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, one guy to another, DO NOT cut yourself short.
    Women will not run to hook up with you unless you are a star of some sort. And believe me, you do not want anything more from them than what they can offer you in a single bounce.
    Forget about what you look like, or how you measure up to a porn star. Women really do not care, and the ones that do, you do not want them anyway. Trust me.
    Sure, any woman would love to have a tall dark hansome man come and sweep them off their feet in fleeting act of romantic drivel. Guys have the same corny thoughts about women. Neither of them are realistic or practical thoughts or dreams.
    Would it not be nice to meet someone who genuinely cared about you? Someone who would put your hopes and dreams on the same plane as their own? Does it really matter how tall or short, or slim or heavy they are? No.
    Stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about how to make your next partner happy, EVERY DAY. You will not only get the hang of it, but so will your partner.

    2|1
    0|0
    • 2mo

      You said so beautifully. It was a real pleasure reading your post. Thanks!

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      By "here" I meant where I live.

    • 2mo

      I'm an agnostic in a very conservative Christian part of the country, and I'm not in a major urban area, so my dating options are limited outside of religious people.

What Girls Said 9

  • Join groups or teams involving one of your interests.

    I met my boyfriend playing soccer, for example.

    Join a singles team or a subs list for a local league for whatever sport you're into. Or take a class. Or join a club.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dont give up! I know it is a lot tougher for guys online dating than it is for girls. I was online dating the same time as a guy friend. He would get a couple of messages a week... I got several a day. Did you try POF?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      I have, with no luck. Your friend is lucky. There only messages I get are from scammers.

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      @rissyanne

      There is a reason why I am asking you this, and I will come back with my opinion:) Before I give my opinion, what is the principle, in your head, that says it shouldn't be like this? Like why don't you get this? What is it that you have grown to believe that makes this surprising In your opinion?

    • 2mo

      @Scrambledagain I ask you why it is... dont worry about why I wonder about this.

  • Your job?

    0|0
    0|1
    • 2mo

      Technical writer / training developer at a refinery.

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      No, no, no, never crap where you eat. Never date someone you work with. 99 out of 100 times it ends poorly.

    • 2mo

      I wasn't planning on it.

  • I have no answers but I know what you're going through.

    0|0
    0|0
  • yeah? Me... but then I am an Australian :p

    0|0
    0|0
  • Go outside and talk to women. They're everywhere :)

    0|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      Maybe if you live in an urban area. Most women here are Christian, and I'm agnostic.

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      You are making assumptions and casting judgement upon women you have not met. That is just as shallow as a gold digging female.

    • 2mo

      I'm not judging anyone for being religious. I'm being practical. Having such a different world view makes it hard to have a successful long term relationship.

  • Through friends and family

    0|0
    0|0
  • I never understood why people wasted their time with online dating anyway.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Are you talking to women who are also near/in their 30s or only 25 and under? I know guys who do pretty well online, but they don't try to stretch too young exclusively. If you shoot for 28-40, that ought to be a sweet spot.

    Also, you sound intelligent. Match. com has more "young professional" types who may match your interests. POF is horrible.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      I actually have a match account (free one), and there are no women in 50 miles that are atheist, agnostic, or spiritual between the ages of 24 and 40

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      I live in between them.

    • 2mo

      I can see where your struggles lie. In that case, your best bet it to persist and keep reminding yourself that the lady you're looking for is a unique find, not that you have any problems.

What Guys Said 11

  • Online dating is garbage.

    What about your 'play'? Gigs. You're open, you've had a drink or two, some woman always gives you the eyes. If you have the bollocks to talk to her... Though sometimes the necessity to meet someone can ruin the fun of those things, one should be mindful of that. For me I do crazy stuff from time to time like laughter yoga. You can go on meetup, and find stuff that is social and a bit 'out there', or unusual, or towards your taste, that facilitates socialising. In the laughter yoga, everyone stays for a drink after. It's nigh on impossible to not meet new people. But you have to put yourself out there. Online dating is such junk because men and women use it for validation, rather than anything serious (though maybe the paid ones are better?).

    Also, one notion I find helpful, is 'energy'. You could be sabotaging your chances if you're not comfortable in your own skin and 'close up' body language wise in the presence of women you like.

    0|0
    0|0
  • it all boils down to confidence, whether online or in public. confidence means everything (next to looks)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Online dating. That's how I did it. I didn't have any problems.

    The other way is to do some activities - meet ups, evening classes, volunteer work.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      It all depends on where you live. If I was Christian, I'd have a lot of options in my area. I'm spiritual/agnostic, and there's almost no one on dating sites like that here.

  • That's a tough one. Bars don't work because they are filled with smokers and alcoholics. Churches won't work either, too hard to get.

    Online dating can be hard because of all the people there, bit I admit it has been successfull for me in the past.

    What it boils down to, is you need to be brave and speak your mind. Girl at the supermarket cashier cute? Tell her. "Sorry I'm not good at this, but your personality is freaking awesome and you're gorgeous. Let's some midnight bowling this evening!"

    0|0
    0|0
  • How can you not meet women in your mid 30's? You're dead in your prime. Any woman from 25-50 is in your range. Go to a bar, a jazz lounge, a tennis match, an art gallery. There are way more options than online dating. You're the guy, you're time is now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know dude, I'm trying to figure that one myself! We should start out own singles club here and maybe we can meet cool women right?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Go to a good Concert and get your buzz on! Then just watch all the beauties that dance in front of you! After a couple minutes you'll be a Lion on a Gazelle brother

    0|0
    0|0
  • he goes outside

    0|0
    0|0
  • Same age and same boat as you a year ago bro. One positive thing I noticed is many younger girls will often be more responsive to older men online. However you have to look out for the REASON they are responsive (looking for free dinners, money). Others will assume you are more mature and know how to treat a woman. I prefer that latter.

    Overall my dating live in my early/mid 30s is way better than I expected. I met a beautiful, yet hard working smart 21 yr old girl on tinder and we have been dating for 5 months now (we fib to other people we met at the gym). There is still some hope out there, trust me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Guys I know that age who take it seriously get multiple first dates a week.

    You're doing it wrong.

    You're also not playing the numbers game. For a guy who actually has his shit together 1 in 15 or 1 in 20 first messages might lead to a date. 1/3 of those a second date.

    It's a lot like looking for a job. You don't just send out 4 resumes.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      I don't live in a major urban area. I'm not religious, so I literally have two matches right now, and they are both under 30 and aren't looking for serious relationships.

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      test it*

    • 2mo

      Moving is currently not an option because of my job.

  • Make sure to not date any women over 28.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...