Perfect in almost everyway, but not much physical attraction. Should I still give him a chance?

I recently found out that a guy friend of mine may be interested in me as more than a friend. Now he is a lovely guy, and I think if we had a relationship it would be pretty damn good as our personalities are very compatible. Only problem is... at this stage anyway, I don't feel much physical attraction. He's not ugly and not exactly a turn off, but... I'm just not super attracted at this stage. However once we are old and wrinkly anyway does that stuff even matter, is it more important to build off our emotional compatibility, rather than someone who may I may be really attracted too but I just don't have the emotional connection with?

Should I still give it a chance and hope that my attraction grows (which has been known to happen to me in the past)? Or just don't even bother as it could just be seen as leading him on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You cannot force physical attraction, it's either there or it isn't. If it isn't, it may happen naturally down the road in the future but it's not something that can be remedied by forcing things along.

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    • 2mo

      There is some attraction... just not a huge amount?

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    • 2mo

      Thankyou :) and thanks for all the advice!

    • 2mo

      You're welcome.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's kind of weird... I met my SO online, and I really iked his profile so I clicked yes before I even looked at his photos, and we chatted for a while. And I finally look at his photos and it's like "ok, not bad, not that good though...". And we meet in person and just being around him and how good it felt being with him, made me find him really attractive.
    I get home, and naturally you're reminiscing and I'm thinking "was he really good looking?" I look at his photos again like "I don't know if I'm feeling it, there's no goddamn moment".

    And then the next time I see him I just forget again and since then I don't doubt how gorgeous he is to me. Because he is. I guess the physical attraction grew and I realised how good looking he really is to me, once that emotional bond started.

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    • 2mo

      Awwwwww that's great 😄

      I've known this guy for maybe 5/6 years, I'm worried that cause I've known him so long would the attraction have grown by now? And exactly like you, when I'm with him, I don't doubt that there is a bit of attraction there, but as soon as I'm away, I think I'm crazy haha.

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    • 2mo

      Haha I don't think anything will happen tonight... I've told him before that I can't do anything until I've finished my studies so I have at least 6 weeks to make my decision I guess. Ill let you know though 😊

    • 2mo

      Aww, well don't wait too long, a lot can happen in 6 weeks!

What Guys Said 17

  • I think you should still give it a try I mean physically he can improve he can go to the gym, work out, get more muscular etc.

    but personalities you can't change those, at least not easily, it's rare to find one that you truly find attractive and connect with that well and are compatible with.

    I think you should at least give it a shot, and see what happens, and attraction can and usually does grow once that emotional bond sets in. because you just like being with them so much that you forget the looks thing and they start to become attractive to you alone.

    But you won't know if you don't give it a shot, you could be missing out on nothing or you could be missing out on something great, never know until you try.

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  • Maybe if you give him a shot, he might surprise you. Maybe since you've only been just friends so far, he's been holding back. And if you give him a shot, he might turn on the moves and change how you feel about him.

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    • 2mo

      I feel like this is actually quite wise, I didn't even think of this, he's never put any moves on me so to speak, so nothing really to build any extra attraction or sexual tension.

  • Are you at least attracted to his personality? Might be worth a try if you to really connect personality wise.

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    • 2mo

      I am super attracted to his personality.

    • 2mo

      I wasn't that physically attractive to my last girlfriend but are personalities REALLY connected. When you fall for someone you ignore the little things you found physically unattractive. For example, she had like messed up teeth that was kinda off putting. Didn't even notice once we were together.
      I don't think you could handle it if you were as attracted to him physically as you are personality wise. I say go for it.

  • While physical attraction can increase, if there is no initial spark it is pretty pointless.

    You would just waste each others time by trying to force something that isn't meant.

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    • 2mo

      How do you describe the spark? Like what differentiates it from a friend?

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    • 2mo

      A bit of a spark is at best sexual tension as how it sounds. Frankly, you are friends with him - and not just since yesterday. You know him for awhile and haven't developed a real interest since then. So why would it be different now? Especially if you are trying to force it?

    • 2mo

      We have been friends for a while... however I would probably write off the first three years of friendship as he's super super super shy and it took me that long just to get him to open up like a normal friend. And I've been just been dealing with another guy that I never even considered him till recently. So my interest has grown over maybe the past year, I just didn't think he felt the same way, but now our mutual friends think that might not be the case anymore. I definitely don't want to force myself to find him really attractive, I just didn't know if I should give it a chance in the first place.

  • Physical attraction has to be there. Contrary to what people say.

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    • 2mo

      There is some... just not a lot

  • Nope. If he's not hot than he's not.

    I mean, now-a-days, that's all that really matters, right?

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    • 2mo

      Not in my opinion.

    • 2mo

      Sorry, I didn't mean to be so negative. Was in an argument with my wife last night. I didn't mean that.

    • 2mo

      All good, I hope everything worked out :)

  • Yup give him a shot

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  • If you're asking this doubtful question, may as well move on already...

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  • Why do you even need to ask us?

    Just ask yourself this - are you a shallow person?

    Be honest and accept whatever answer you get.

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  • Try going on a date and seeing where that takes you. The physical attraction can grow as time goes on.

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  • I agree with @bloodmountain do whatever just don't lead him on in finding out

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    • 2mo

      How do I do this without leading him on. I really don't want to :(

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    • 2mo

      Ok thankyou :)

  • Do what you want, but don't lead him on

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  • Attraction can grow. It may be worth trying at least. Tell him how you feel.

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  • This is for you to decide yourself. Do what your heart desires.

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  • Usually woman overlook that since they get emotionally attracted later and like you said we don't stay good looking as we get older anyway

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  • How appealing is fooling around with him?

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    • 2mo

      Ummmm semi appealing? I can imagine myself kissing and making out with him, but not really anything more. However I am a complete virgin, so I don't think I'd be giving that up until a bit into the relationship, by which stage I would have either grown more attracted and stayed or not and broken up with him.

    • 2mo

      Then it might be worth trying.

      Alternatively try thinking of him sexually a lot more. See if the idea grows on you before you start dating him.

      For what it's worth, the odds that you will still be just great friends years from now is pretty low. If you're not together you will be with other people.

    • 2mo

      Ok I'll try that :) thanks for the advice!

  • they say physical attraction can grow

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What Girls Said 7

  • Give it a chance if you think he's worth the shot. At least you know you gave it a chance instead of having to wonder.

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  • I think it really just depends on how much you like him otherwise. I won't lie, physical attraction is definitely a big part of any healthy relationship. However, it is possible for that attraction to grow after you start dating someone. So, if you think you are compatible in other ways then you can still give him a chance and see what happens. Your feelings may change.

    If, after some time, you realize that your attraction hasn't grown, then you will need to tell him. It would be unfair to continue dating when you know the relationship isn't going anywhere. I don't see the harm in at least trying though and giving it a chance.

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  • What's the harm really? Worst case you tried and know yeah we couldn't make it work but we are still good friends.

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  • I think if there is no physical attraction you will struggle when it comes to things in the long run. It will lead to a friendship or just a relationship that will fizzle because you are checking out other people

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    • 2mo

      Well we already have a friendship, and there is a little bit of attraction, just not much...

    • 2mo

      Then i guess if its somewhat there you are attracted to THEM and not just their physical features. :) x

  • Let me talk to you about my aunt. She's dating this guy she didn't really find attractive. She gave him a chance and now they have two ADORABLE babies. Seriously they're so cute. They've been dating for years now.

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  • I fell in love with my friend and at first I wasn't physically attracted to him (he's not ugly but he's not super muscular and stuff like most girls like) but as I became more emotionally attached I got physically attracted too. It's like I noticed stuff more, like his eyes and how cute his smile is. So if you're really emotionally connected, physical attraction will come after.

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  • "Hope that my attraction grows"
    It can happen, indeed. But I wouldn't risk it to be honest.

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