I just found out that the guy I have been dating for almost a year has a girlfriend. What should I do?

im so upset that I can't get into the details.
Basically, I found out through a mutual friend that he has a girlfriend and that they have been together almost as long as him and me.
What upsets me the most is the fact that him and her have been going through some difficulties and to fix things agreed to go therapy.
At this point I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that he is in couples therapy while seeing another woman, me.
I can't confront him so I won't say anything until I figure out how to make him admit that he's been lying to me for almost a year.
At the same time I wonder what type of a man would do such a thing.
Is it even remotely possible at this point that he was actually in love with me as he claims over and over again?
Can a normal person have true feelings for two people?
My friend tells that he the girl he's dating tells her they're in love but their relationship is a lot of work. Has he been using me as a distraction then?
He's been telling me that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him while he tries to fix the other relationship.
What kind of person does that?
Does anyone think his actions can be justified?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Can a normal person have true feelings for two people? The answer is yes, but there are many qualifiers to support that yes answer and while I seriously doubt they apply in your situation, this is a possibility

    You are or have been two-timed behind your back leaving you exposed to a host of dangers that I can not begin to reveal here. I do not care how well intentioned a person can be face to face, the fact remains there is no respect for you as a partner. Shielding you from a second lover is not respectful of you.

    Personally, I would just end the relationship with the firm and committed words, we are done as a partnership right now and forever. No explanation or discussion required. He does not deserve anything other than the door. What you two created together or had at one time has been destroyed by his selfish actions deserving no further time or effort on your part. Just my opinion

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Most Helpful Girl

  • you are not the first or the last in such situations.
    this is not about her or him... now its about you.
    you believe and trusted this is happeining to you.
    whats your head telling you to do?
    get low and get dramatic?
    or move on and learn from this experience with no regrets?

    i had that. once i found out.. yes was a yr. guess what? i disconnected all contact. he never knew where i live. he tried following me home one time. i turned back, saw him and teased that he has to go back to his "wife" and don't follow me and that he will never know who i am, where i live... i became the mystery woman and more power to me... to me he was nothing and meant nothing to me except he helped me with some stuff lol...
    i have since had a great boyfriend.

    lesson... move on, you will meet someone who will treat you right.
    why waste your energy with all the above questions you asked... who cares...
    you need to ask what kind of person he is? lol... that means you are hung up on his stupidity rather than caring about your self...
    move on...
    good luck

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What Guys Said 11

  • He obviously has severe problems that for a year he can play games with you two without any compassion or lack of conscience. Horrible person. Honestly I'd find out who the girl is and tell her and then you can spread the word about the asshole. For the love answer, no. If he did love you then he wouldn't have cheated.

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  • No he was never in love with either of you. It's just a game to him. Tell his other girlfriend about it instead of confronting him. He'll only lie about it. I'm sure there were warning signs that you ignored or were too baffled by his bullshit to see

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    • 2mo

      I'm sure I ignored the signs.
      But I wonder why is he in therapy with her if he doesn't love her?
      What's the point?

    • 2mo

      Again it's a game. Nothing will change. If you suggested counseling he'd probably do it with you too

  • Why would you not just block him on your phone and email and never speak to him again? or sit him down immediately and confront him? Do you really want to be with a cheater regardless of the lie he comes up with? once a cheater, always a cheater. Certainly people can have feelings for more then 1 person at a time. That does not make cheating ok.

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    • 2mo

      Blocking him would be a cowardly move.
      I want to confront him but before doing so I need to find out more about people like him.
      All the questions I asked I did to get a better sense of their personality and motives. I want him to know that he got caught and deal with the shame or embarrassment, if he has an ability to do so.

    • 2mo

      you act like someone like that is going to feel bad about it. If he cared about you he wouldn't be cheating.

    • 2mo

      I mean I do feel about it. I feel bad for myself and the other woman. I know about her but does she know about me?
      The guy is a jerk but how does that help the both of us? You know what I mean?

  • "Is it even remotely possible at this point that he was actually in love with me as he claims over and over again?"

    No.

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    • 2mo

      I wonder if he has feelings for the other girl since he's in couples therapy with her.
      I can't even comprehend that.

    • 2mo

      I'm sorry, but clearly, whether he loves her or not, she is a higher priority than you are.

  • After reading the responses here, I detect a lesson can be learned.

    BE SNOOPS!

    Snoop on him/her on Social Media.
    Do a Background Check.
    Hire a Private Investigator!

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  • ditch the fuck out of him girl you deserve better. he's just a scumbag and no he have no justification

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  • Invite him for one last dinner and bring his girlfriend😊should be fun seeing his face

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  • Yeah a normal human man can actually really love two women. It takes a man of character and faith to choose one before committing to one. It just really sucks though.

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    • 2mo

      Are you saying that it's possible to be with two different people for maybe two different reasons?
      I'm trying to learn something new here because I have decided to use this experience in my favor and leave knowing things I haven't before.

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      But if that happens, wouldn't one want to choose one over the other?

    • 2mo

      You either choose or just be honest with them and tell them you want them both. Poof: Polyamory!

  • He's not married to either of you. He can bone as many bitches as he likes.

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  • I have to say it's happened to me, understandable. Feelings know no boundary

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  • DUMP THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF HIS ASS!!!

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What Girls Said 8

  • Oh God. I will write this carefully im so sorry. If this happened to me the rage would be boiling for about 5 hours then id start laughiing. Im perfect and he fucked up. Id think how can fucking ruin his life. The choice is yours. Slash his tires and egg his car. Light a match in the closet at his apartment or house. Whatever you can do that he won't suspect u for. All while pretending to remain a sweet girlfriend. For ateast a week. Hack his email and send out shady shit. Fuck with his job. Girl im telling you jam pack as much shit as you can. Somehow contact the other woman through this friend team up and fuck him over together. Then calmly one night at dinner go to the bathroom and have the other girl come over and say "hey babe i thought that was u" and watch him squirm to figure out how to diffuse the situation. Both of u can leave together and feel fucking awesome.

    Just a thought. To fuck me over that hard, oooooh he better watch out. I love myself and will defend myself hardcore to the end.

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  • My best friend was dating a dude for like 8 years and just found out a couple days ago he's had another girlfriend for 6 months.

    She broke up with him. Because he's a piece of shit. He even has two separate face books, one with pictures of just him and one with pictures of him and my best friend.

    Side bitch was friends with the profile that was just him naturally. Gross af.

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  • Wow, that is unbelievable! I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've heard of situations like these. His actions definitely cannot be justified. I mean, first of all he should have told you about this other woman and second of all it's simply wrong to see someone while they're still involved with someone else. You need to talk to him directly about this.

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  • There really isn't anything to talk about. What will confronting him do? Will it give you back the year you spent with him? The time and energy you put into your relationship? I think not. Next time he bother to text and wants to meet up, tell him that you don't think a relationship between you and him will workout. If he ask why, say because you don't think his other girl would like sharing a man, and leave or stop replying or texting.

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  • Been there done that... He was in therapy with me and seeing his child's mom. Don't ask, don't question. He left me for her and SHE ABUSED him physically and mentally... Broke his hand, blacked his eye, got all the bills transfered into HIS name. He's a depressed MESS. People get what's. Coming to them... So just move on.

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    • 2mo

      Can I ask what kind of therapy it was?
      I found out they're in couples therapy to fix their relationship.
      I'm just stunned how can someone live in such deception

  • an arse is the kind of person that does that. confront him

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  • I dont think he cares about you enough to be honest with you and he is not only cheating on her but you as well. Why do you even want to continue with this guy? He probably won't just come out with it unless you confront him. He clearly cares more about her if he is in therapy with her. I think he was just using you. No one can love two people at the same time. Confront him and move on.

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  • This has happened to me aswell :( I am still trying to get over it but it is a struggle the questions are real and I wish I had the answers as well!!

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