How important is a man's past?

How important does a man's past play in your decision to be in a relationship with him? No matter what the degree of mistakes he has made, if you feel he has moved on from those ways, how likely are you to hold that against him? No matter the degree. Maybe he cheated on a college test or perhaps he is just out of prison for murder or something, but is sincere in his redemption and deep down is a great person with a good excuse for his action (s).

Updates:
2mo I know several people who have done bad things, wrong things, myself included. Of those people, some have been truly regretful and turned their lives around, and there are others who haven't.

I know a man who used to drink, cheat on his wife, and other things. One day he decided to turn it all around. 25 years later, he has not drank or done anything wrong. Then there are people I know who never learn.

It really depends on the person around how honest they are with themselves and others.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • this is gonna sound bad, I know, but if he has a past of being a player or has a lot of baby mom's that definitely holds an impact bc I don't want to be hurt or played or be your 4th baby mom or date a deadbeat. but, if he has felonies or is on probation or whatever I don't really care. is that messed up?

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Most Helpful Guy

What Girls Said 39

  • I would certainly not be with a person who murdered, raped or abused anyone. That is too far.

    I also doubt I could be with someone who slept around and were very promiscuous. Or a cheater.

    It's not like they can't be good people or can't turn a new leaf over, but it's just for me and I don't see myself happy with someone who had such different values than me :)

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    • 2mo

      But you girls like bad boys

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    • 2mo

      But i'm not like that i don't need constant affirmation of myself, i'm just shy, if i know that a girl loves me for real, i get confident, i just lack confidence at the beginning when it's time to make a move.

    • 2mo

      @sweetshyguy but that's normal and fine. Confidence doesn't mean you never need affirmation or aren't human. Being shy initially doesn't make you a needy or insecure guy.

  • Actually, my ex's past mistakes were part of the reason I left him. Before we got together, he had sexually assaulted two girls (not his words; he told me vaguely what happened and that's what I pieced together) and I effectively ignored it for most of the 2 years we dated. Then when things started going downhill, I couldn't get his mistakes out of my mind, and it didn't help that he seemed to have learned nothing from them. Eventually, I decided that I didn't want to raise a family with someone who had done those things.

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  • It really all depends. If he is very serious is about making a change, in the end he has to be the one to prove that. But if I can't deal or handle with his baggage then the answer is a no for me. I definitely do not want somebody who was in jail for murder, rape, etc. I can't handle that and that is the honest truth. When you take on a person, you take everything about them. And if they haven't been saved, forget it. Those same urges maybe still lingering and you never know what really happened when they're in jail. I already have family who is in jail for something they didn't even do even way before I was born. So I understand the stigma and how hard that is.

    Overall certain factors needs to be addressed before I even decide to marry a person. If this has not been stated before then, then its considered fraud. Be honest now, you wouldn't want to marry a liar.

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  • There are some actions that don't have excuses, if not most of them. It does play a part in how I feel about him: as much as we wanna believe otherwise your past can indicate potential issues in the future.

    There's stuff I will look past and there are things that I won't. It's as simple as that.

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    • 2mo

      Thanks for the opinion!

  • It may not b fair but its very important to me. I find a total change of character hard to believe

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    • 2mo

      Thanks for the reply. It's been a hot topic amongst the family here and I felt this would be a good place to get some good input.

  • It depends.

    Some examples:
    - if he's ever cheated, deal breaker. Cheaters usually keep cheating. And I don't wanna risk it, even if they say they changed, I'm just not interested in more heart break in my life.
    - if he's ever abused past girlfriends, or anyone for that matter. Instant deal breaker.
    - if he's done something horrible- rape, stabbed someone or some shit, idek, shit like that, deal breaker.
    - if he's dated/had sex with a KID. So many guys in their 20s mess with 14-17 year old girls and I'm repulsed by it.

    Those are just examples. There's tons of things that could keep me from dating a guy.

    But just having made mistakes, well who hasn't? If the mistakes aren't malicious ones or ones that represent a fucked up head then I can probably overlook it. I've made mistakes in my life I'm not proud of..

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    • 2mo

      I agree with those. But a man messing with a girl who is 17... well in the uk 16 is legal... but their are girls in their 20's who have sex with men 40's+ i think that is messed up.

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    • 2mo

      I mean like 18 - 20 year olds. Yeah 16 and less is fairly rare (peedo territory)

    • 2mo

      @jamesol1 even then most decent 40 somethings see 18 year olds as kids and not sexual beings

  • Very important. I judge a person by their past

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  • I definitely won't ever date a cheater, drug dealer, pimp, rapist, women beater (or any kind of * beater for that matter), someone who sleeps or slept with prostitutes, a bully or someone who's into g walkin - those are immediate deal breakers and I don't even care to hear your history or "reasons" if you've done any of those things because there's absolutely no reason sufficient enough to justify that shit.

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  • It's a big part in my dating process alone. I always ask. If it's prior serious drug use or DUI's heavy drinking, current ex-con, sex addict, any of those weird ones, I am gone. Certain mistakes ar character flaws that don't change. That's just me though.

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  • It is important, but not more important than his present and future.

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  • From my past relationahip, I looked past on a lot of things I should never have. He did a lot of bad things in the past that still affect him today. Honestly now, I would not look past them with any other potential partner. Maybe cheating on a test or something like that, but nothing too extreme like what my ex did. You live and you learn.. and sometimes, the kindest souls are the most lost, but some things are just god awful that you just have to put your foot down and say its not and never will be acceptable.

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  • He might be a good person, but he's better suited for someone else. So in short, it means a lot, at least to me anyway.

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  • I don't care at all... what's in the past stays in the past. We're here in the present so I'm interested in what's happening now. Maybe it's stupid but that's how I'll go. Everyone make mistakes, there no bad an worse. Anyway as I said we're in the present that's what counts.

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  • Very important

    I want to know how many sexual partners he`s had
    If he`s been convicted
    How his credit score is
    etc...

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  • Well yeah, I'd have reservations about being with a murderer.

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  • I wouldn't want to be with an ex-criminal and he should definitely have an education, but other crap is ok.

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  • It's very important.

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  • certain things matter to me.
    For example, I would not feel comfortable with someone who went to prison for murder/ who killed somebody unless it was for self defense/ extreme case where he had no other choice.

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  • Depends on what his past involves and what it says abut his character...

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  • Meh, I mean if they won't kill my dog while I'm sleeping, or my family then sure I guess. The past is the past for a reason, right? Though, if they've raped someone or killed a child/baby, I would be out of there faster than a cat locked in a cabinet.

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  • personaly it's very important to me even if it's in the past

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  • Very important.

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  • For me his past is just that the past he cannot change it. And if he is my partner he is already blessed

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  • Past is called past for reasons. Unless big problem (like raping someone, etc...) I don't care at all.

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  • The past is mostly irrelevant. Was just involved in a (legally) immoral situation who's consequences resulted in jail time. But aside from the legality it didn't seem immoral at all. And it still doesn't. If current intentions are good then the passed has no barring on any of my decisions.

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  • It's important. Not relationship-wise (except if he was basically being a prostitute), but the way he was with people -- if he ever took advantage of someone, etc. That is pretty important to me.

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  • It matters a lot to me.

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  • I only date people and won't ask about their past unless they talk about it.

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  • Extremely important.

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  • Crazy men usually have a high body count.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Everyone deserves a second chance. Jesus who fended off those who wanted to stone the woman for adultery. She went off and sined no more and was given another chance at life.

    No matter the crime as long as he feels guilt and shame for his crimes and is changing his past dark ways. We are not perfect we all fuck up at some point in our lives. Some worse than others but be sure he will carry a heavy burden of guilt for the rest of his life.

    I would not hold any mistake against anyone as long as they are truthfull about it and and sincear in changing his ways etc...

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    • 2mo

      Very nicely put. I'm wondering who is more forgiving. The guys or girls!

    • 2mo

      I would say "guys" women are very chip on the shoulder prone type. Depends on the woman too... some are very open minded and have hit rock bottom and have seen what the other side is like. So they know what's over there and want to make a better life. To say everyone has sined at least once. Most people would look at criminals as throw aways when in fact if you actually sat down and listened to their life story. You would kind of wake up and say... yeah not everyone's life is as bright as mine when they wake up as kids in the morning.

  • I would say it greatly depends on what was done in the person's past and it has a lot to do with the person's current personality, their sense of apathy towards what they did and their sense of empathy as to how what they did affects others. It would also depend on where I'm at personally in my own life.

    Let's be realistically here and if a person is secure in their life at the time, they are more disposed to taking chances and risks. Now if a person isn't secure in their life, or they aren't settled into their career, then they aren't going to be disposed to taking risks and if they are with someone that has a harsh past, then they may not be willing to overlook even minor events in a person's past and will judge them more harshly than at more better times.

    Of course, you're going to have those individuals who aren't going to care one way or the other and if a person has committed serious offenses in their past then it is far more unlikely a person is going to overlook those mistakes when deciding if they want a relationship with them or not. I would say for myself, I'll follow my instincts and my heart to decide what to do if I really like someone and whether or not I overlook their past events, and do my best not to judge them by a higher standard than I'd want to be judged in return.

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  • Good excuse? why excuse? why not reasons? There is a difference between having reasons for your actions and having just excuses for your actions.

    Yes, a man's past is very important to a woman.

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  • *Me reading the girls' opinions*

    Well fuck.

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  • it all depends on the other individual and their willingness to overlook it and give you another chance whether it be a platonic friendship, relationship or employment.

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  • Depends what you have done. Some things I can let slide, others, like murder, hell no. And it's not even about whether you changed or not. I couldn't be near a guy knowing he denied a life to somebody else. It's the same with guys who beat people up into wheel chairs, lawyers who defend rapists and murderers. Those people fuck me off.

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    • 2mo

      Murder is a bit much... yeah. Well I guess even that could have its excuse if I think about. I mean, if someone broke into your home with a gun to rob you and you shot the person in self defense,

    • 2mo

      Self defence and murder are two different things logically and legally.

  • it is, it can define you and cage you. i use it as a weapon to get better and realize that nobody is perfect but can aim for excellence

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  • I really hope girls doing care to much because lots of negative things happened that I had no control over.

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  • " he is just out of prison for murder"

    In America, NO one gets out of prison for murder. lol.

    However, people do grow from their past ways. Hopefully, the past doesn't catch up with him.

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  • everything is forgiven if he is good looking

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  • Girls will say yes, guys will say it depends.

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  • The worse his past is, the more vagina tingles he will generate. Women love bad boy cock.

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  • What are you referring to in a man's past?

    This is a pretty broad term

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