I'm completely green and inexperienced when it comes to dating, and being 21, I'm finding it extremely hard to figure out the ins and outs of dating. I feel like since I started dating so "old" in age, I'm over analyzing everything.
Anyway, I met a guy on OKCupid. I initiated the first message, and also, I'm black and he's white and we're only a year apart, if that means anything. We talked through messages on OKCupid nearly everyday for hours for about two weeks. We made plans to meet up for a movie this upcoming Thursday, but we were bored this past Friday and ended up meeting on a whim at a local book store. It went pretty well, or so I thought. He seemed interested in what I had to say, although I didn't say much because I'm really shy. He flirted a bit. We stayed at the book store for nearly 5 hours just talking and looking through books, and the only reason we left is because he had plans for the night with his family (and I knew before we met up that he had these plans because he brought it up days prior, so I don't think it was just an "out"), and despite that, we stayed until the very last minute we could. Also, he gave me a hug when he first saw me, and after he walked me to my car he pulled me in for another hug -- not just a side hug either, it was one of those cradle-squeeze-and-rock hugs, lol. Well, before he left I said, "So I guess I'll see you on Thursday" and he goes, "Yeah, and I'm sure we'll talk before then." On my end, it seemed like we had chemistry both online and off.
I sent him a message on OKCupid later that night, but have yet to receive a reply. I'd worry a lot less if he didn't usually reply within an hour, and on top of that, he's been online often since then. I just don't understand what's taking him so long to reply. Cat's never gotten his tongue (fingers?) before and he said he was sure we'd talk before then. I don't plan on messaging him again until the night before we're set to go to the theater, so I can confirm whether we're still on or not. Although I'm very curious and racking my brain trying to figure out what might be the problem, I don't wanna come across as clingy.
Am I ridiculous for over analyzing this? Is there some secret rule as to when you're supposed to contact someone after a date? We both have on our profiles that we're open to making friends as well, and I'd be okay with that because he's a cool guy. Would it be smart to tell him that I'm open to being just friends if he doesn't see me as anything more than that, or would that come across as desperate? Ladies and gents, help me please!
Most Helpful Girl
I'd say just take it a bit slow. Either he is into you and busy or he has freaked out a bit or he isn't into you that much. You can't tell yet. Stop over-analysing (easier said than done, I know!) and just go about your usual life. If he doesn't figure out that you are a good catch then that's his silly problem; not yours. For me, I'd stop worrying and try searching to see if there is anyone else. At least that way you are occupied with something else and when he does message just wait a bit before responding.
Also - when you go on the next date, wait for him to message/ring/text you. That is the best indicator to find out if he is keen or not. If he isn't he won't message you. BUT sometimes it will take a few days. Enjoy the suspense - sometimes its the best bit! ; )