I've had a hard time finding someone I connect and want to be in a relationship with. I'm starting to realize that it may be me and some of my not so favorable qualities. Here are some of them:
- I speak my mind. I don't hold back if something is bothering me or if I don't like something.
- I don't sugarcoat. People can miss what you're saying if you're not direct.
- I'm not very affectionate. I don't like PDA. I'll hold hands but hugging and kissing in front of people creeps me out. When I get home I like to relax after the day is over. I love the company but I don't want someone all over me before I can unwind. After that I'll be more receptive.
- I won't be sure I like you after hanging a few times. I need to get to know someone before I can decide I like them. I don't want my feelings to be clouded with lust and once it fades I'm disappointed the more I learn about the person.
- I don't change for anyone. Yeah if I was an asshole or doing things that negatively impact my life. But I love who I am and I shouldn't have to change any part of myself just to please someone.
- I don't think I need to be with the person everyday. I like having days by myself or with my friends and family. Just because we're dating doesn't mean the other people in my life lose out time with me. I'm a strong believer that it's not hard to make time for everyone, you just have to WANT to make time.
- If someone is angry with me I won't push them to talk to me. Instead I give them space. I only approach when things have calmed down and we can have a conversation. Sometimes that means we'll go days without talking. I don't like someone yelling at me or screaming matches.
- I'm 21. I want to be completely independent, done with college and have a job before I think about getting married or having children. I want to know I can support myself before I can do that with anyone else.
I don't think there's something wrong with me but I'm starting to feel I'm turning people off.
Not very affectionate is a deal breaker for me. I want to feel desired. Lack of affection usually translates into lack of desire and lack of care. You not pushing people to talk to you might be wise most of the time, but sometimes I'd love if someone actively wanted to talk to me about how bad we left things. It would make me think they care. Getting to know the person is a great idea - I try my best to do the same. Still, how disapointed are you as you get to know a potential date isn't what you expected? You speak your mind. How brutal are you? No joke, some people are straight up savage when telling the truth. If that's the cass then it would be a deal breaker for me.
Don't listen to that idiot below; I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. You're self-assured, confident, sensibly cautious and you know what you want. There's nothing wrong with that AT ALL and that does NOT make you frigid. Believe me. Don't ever change who you are just to please others or some guy. If no guy can accept that, then he's simply not the one for you.
The reason I say all this, is because I'm very similar. What I've discovered, is that its good to have a guy who understands and respects who you are, and is quite similar; as in, they're self-assured enough to know you like them. The best relationships are when you slowly get to know another person. The guy will begin to understand the way you show affection, assuring them that you like them and vice versa. When you are in a relationship, you learn to compromise and take an interest in what they enjoy; if they like bikes, you don't have all of a sudden become passionate about them.
Anyway, to summarise, you have your head screwed on. Don't change for anyone.
I shall be upfront and honest with you in my assessment and just affirm I believe you are on the right path with your thoughts. You feel you are turning people off by your beliefs and standards, and I would have to agree with you. What you're subscribing to as part of your nature and personality, is harsher than what the typical male is going to expect from you, and in doing so, it is going to turn them off towards you and make you a less than desirable mate, lover, partner, girlfriend---et cetera.
Granted, as you say, you love who you are and you have no desire it appears to adjust your way of behavior, and that's fine, if this is what you truly believe and desire. Only I suggest you prepare yourself for the raw truth you're going to have a more difficult time finding someone to build that life-bond with; someone to spend the rest of your life with and perhaps build a family together, if you stay the course you're on.
Again, this is my own personal view. You should follow what your heart desires and be true to yourself. Otherwise it is just a lie, but who knows, perhaps in time you might see clear to follow a different course; one never knows what the future may hold and each choice we make changes the outcome of who and what we are. In the end we need to do what is going to make us the happiest and what allows us to look ourselves in the mirror and be happy with what we see staring back. And that's my bottom line.
I'm pretty similar and I think it does turn most people off, no matter the gender. But you sound like a mature and reasonable person, and that is definitely more important than being in a relationship. You have your priorities right. I think two people with those characteristics would actually be a good match, but it will be hard for them to find each other because they are so rare. But I also think it would be worth the time and effort.
Your personality will definitely put off a decent amount of men, but thats completely fine in my opinion. A lot of us guys have problems trying to socialize with women that have strong personalities, and that stems a lot from our culture and upbringing.
While many of us might bristle at a strong woman, some of us have been raised by single moms, or by a family where the matron wasn't a passive presence in the home - so we have an understanding that women can speak their mind just like any other human being.
Your personality is a filter that just presorts the guys you meet, and it will save you time in the long run.
There are men out there that love an opinionated and honest partner. It just takes a little more time to find them.
I don't really see any of these as red flags for a relationship. You being yourself does not make you undateable. There is someone for everyone as they say. You are still pretty young so just be patient and the right guy will appear.
You don't need a relationship. You need friends with benefits. It's what you have described to a tee. Someone there when you need or want them but not someone that is trying to build a life with you because you like your life and have no intention of changing. It's not a bad thing, in fact it shows you are a strong independent woman that doesn't need to define herself by the man she is with.
You seem to be quite happy the way you are and in the lifestyle that is comfortable for you. Why muck it all up with some stinky-bum sitting in your most favorite relaxing chair? I don't see you in a loving relationship the way you conduct yourself now. Maybe later, maybe never. Nothing wrong with you as you are, as long as you are happy being the independent you.
Maybe let it slack a little on the holding hands and kissing stuff just make sure they are aware of the situation. Cause if you dont hold hands at least occasionally now you just look like acquaintances who are just hooking up for a one night stand.
Well that's alright... I have same things like you... Last time, my ex broke up and she even told me the similar like you actually most like you. And finally, the relation ended. It's not her fault or mine. It's just that the people don't completely understand you. If someone really wants a relation with you then one should respect your likes and dislikes and even the factors that influence you.
depends on your circle and the other person. I would say, for about 60% of the males you will have lower chances, but there are also about 10% where you will have higher chances because thy like a girl who has her own opinion and tells it straight away and have no problem with self consiousness
You seem like a frigid bitch. No guy is going to sign up for your insanity.
Yes. You sound hard and unbending as though you have the right to say exactly what you want when you want to; you sound like it's all my way or the high way; you sound like you would be constantly challenging which is draining both physically and mentally.