I've never really felt that strongly about a guy. Some friends were telling me it's because I've never had sex with any of the guys I've dated. Do you think that's always the case?
I've always thought it's important to build a stable connection without sex first.
Most Helpful Guy
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Most Helpful Girl
Obviously it's POSSIBLE to build up a deep connection without yet having had sex. And for some people -- who *can't* comfortably have a sexual relationship without deep emotional intimacy -- that may be the best course to follow.
On the other hand... for people who *can* comfortably be intimate without a deep emotional commitment, there's a LOT of value to be gained in getting to know someone as a lover BEFORE building a deeper bond.
First... there's the simple matter of ensuring that both of you are at least roughly on the same "level", sexually, in any number of ways.
If two people have mismatched desires (in intensity, taste, or both) -- something that may have stayed under the rug 100 years ago, but which will DEFINITELY come out in this day and age of uninhibited discussion and porn and all that -- that's the sort of thing that WILL inevitably lead to growing and explosive resentment.
Remember, sexual compatibility is one of the VERY few things that you CAN'T GET FROM ANYONE ELSE in yr life.
Basically, these are the things you HAVE to get FROM YR PARTNER:
• Sexual compatibility
• Shared values with which to raise children (if you want children)
• Mutual emotional/logistical support
That's pretty much IT.
Everything else -- like "shared interests" -- is HUGELY overrated in a marriage. You can get that sort of stuff from friends, family, and/or business contacts.
(Also, you SHOULD have things that you share with yr friends/family that you *don't* share with yr partner. After all, you still want to NEED yr friends!)
If you don't want children, that removes the second of these -- leaving sexual compatibility as 50% of the most essential qualities.
And now, what I consider the MOST important reason to have a sex life before deciding to commit to someone for the long haul -- namely, sexual COMMUNICATION.
What I mean is this:
The way someone treats you, and interacts with you, as a lover... tells you TONS of things about
• how he feels about and respects women in general,
• how he feels about and respects YOU in general.
When people are intimate with each other, they have their guard down, in lots of different ways. Their everyday defense mechanisms are down, in all sorts of ways that are carefully guarded at just about every other time in life.
• Are you dealing with a man who's fundamentally selfish and ultimately unconcerned with you? Then that WILL show in the way he treats you, yr needs, and yr orgasms. He'll be5
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