What do guys really think of independent women?

I am a truck driver. I have worked in the oilfield for most of my life. I hardly ever get asked out. I get hit on by married men plenty (no thank you) and a few lesbians (no thank you). Yes I'm kind of tomboyish. I don't wear makeup or carry a purse or wear dresses. I'm very uncomfortable wearing makeup and dresses. I am not a lesbian. I wear steel toe boots and jeans. I am a real natural woman. I have dressed up and gone out before and not one single man ever paid any attention to me. Oddly enough I have gone into bars right after work all greasy and dirty and every guy in the bar bought me drinks but none asked me out. What do I do to remain true to myself and attract a good man?

Updates:
2mo Related topic: how do men feel about muscular women? I don't mean muscular like Arnie, I mean sculpted with nice breasts - obviously still a woman, just a strong one.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're all greasy and dirty after work and go to the bar then you might be perceived as "one of the guys". That's why they are buying drinks but not asking you out. Join some coed teams in the area to meet guys, and don't be affraid to ask some out yourself.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh honey do I understand lol. I'm in the military so obviously a male dominant field. I spend all day around men, acting like one, joking like on, etc. I keep my makeup as natural as possible (females get shit for not looking "professional" if we go natural) and wear old tshirts, worn jeans and boots on my off time. Spend more time in the gym than the mall, but not "bulky" looking either.
    All the guys in the bar are just looking to hit and quit thats why they buy drinks but show no further interest past that. Keep to who you are, if you dont feel comfortable in makeup or a dress then dont do it. I ended up engaged to my best friend and he fully accepts and loves that I'm not girly. Keep true to yourself, just keep faith that someone will come along who totally digs a lady like yourself.
    But I also have to say, make yourself presentable. Clean up, maybe wear something nicer (I usually go for a nice but not flashy top) and jeans with some appropriate shoes. And in my experience, bars aren't anywhere to look for a man worth having honey. Best of luck to you though :)

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What Guys Said 65

  • 1. Men buying a woman drinks when she's all greasy etc is the admiration for a hard working girl if not a sympathy factor
    2. Asking a hard working self reliant girl out is quite a thing cause a lot of men get intimidated by such girls
    3. Dressed and gone out but not been asked? there could be so many variables to such a situation that can't be answered by a question here
    4. Update: Muscular women? <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
    4.1. If you are a strong willed girl and muscular as well then again the male ego is intimidated for a lot of them barring a few (like me) that dig the idea of a muscular girl <3
    4.2. Not asked for but I've always thought a girl truck driver &/or a cop are HOT <3

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  • I can't speak for all men, but I myself have always appreciated an independent woman. As long as they don't allow that independence to sway their ego. Then I think it's a fantastic trait to have.

    Per your dating situation, I recommend either dating website, or taking charge and asking guy's out. I've got a female friend like you in her late 30's, and she has a hard time getting guy's to ask her out. She's considered "One of the guy's", and thus causes a lot of guy's to look the other way in regards to dating her. So, she took charge and starting asking out men. Now she's in a serious relationship and quite happy.

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  • I think strong independent women are attractive and lots of men do. I like no makeup as much as I like lots of makeup, and women in jeans and work boots are every bit as attractive as women in dresses. So stay true to yourself. Do you think, because of your looks, that men might *assume* you're a lesbian? Someone asked if you approach men and you thought guys might not like that. Well, most of us do. If a guy has a problem with it, he probably has really rigid ideas about gender roles and would probably not be interested in you anyway, based on your job or appearance. But, I assure you it's OK to approach men in general. If the lesbian appearance is part of the problem (and I'm not saying it is) then you approaching men takes that out of play. Anyway, good luck to you in your search for happiness!

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  • I like and prefer independent women. Actually if you walked into a bar and a bunch of guys bought you drinks, there was probably a certain level of attractiveness there. They might have thought you had a certain level of character to you for just having a hard day's work. And the fact that no one asked you out doesn't mean that much. Most men rarely ask a woman out. Most of us want to know someone a little longer before asking them out. And most women reject requests for dates from someone they don't know yet anyway.

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  • its not easy for anyone, men have the same issue. you have to be sociable. the image you convey needs to be of your true self so the right kinds of guys respond.

    independence is good. no makeup is not a problem.

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  • Don't loose faith or confidence in yourself or who you are. Most men will be intimidated by such a stronger character in a woman.
    You shouldn't change and you can't. Their are guys that will find you very interesting and sexy.
    Just be open to male interest.
    The only other thing is its usual with a woman of your strength to be a bit more forward and go get what you want. Make the first move.
    Good luck.

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    • 2mo

      Don't guys dislike when a woman makes the first move? I have tried before and they act like I've offended them.

    • 2mo

      Some but the ones that are going to be right for you will not be. Its actually a great way for you to find out if he's into a strong woman.
      You just have to keep your inner strength to understand its not that they don't desire you so they've turned you down. Its simply your just not there type.
      The sooner you can do this the quicker you'll start to find guys who are right for you.
      Good luck

  • Talk about click-bait (well sort of... I'm getting into semantics with that one.

    Anyhow, I think the reason when you got all "dressed up" (for simplicity sake, I'll assume you mean makeup at a dress) and guys didn't pay attention to you is because they could unconsciously tell you were uncomfortable in it. When you're at a bar after work and all greasy and dirty, guys bought you a drink it's because you were comfortable in what you were "wearing." It's who you are. Roll with it. My question is, when the guys bought you drinks, did they come up and talk to you?

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    • 2mo

      No. They just sort of watched me from afar. With slightly amused looks on their faces.

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    • 2mo

      My poor attempt at humor on that one. Sometimes it works, sometime it doesn't. *shrugs*

      I'd start out by talking to the guys if they offer you a drink next time. What do you do when you aren't driving truck?

    • 2mo

      Woodworking, painting, sewing, cooking. Be creative.

  • To attract good men is not easy at all for you good independent ladies. Especially if your a great woman! A hard working woman.. A stand up woman who demands respect.. Who only takes shit that comes from her no one else.. When she is on her BeyoncĂ© level lol.. Most men have a hard time keeping themselves occupied with the same woman. So being all that in a bag of chips can be very intimidating to men who don't have respect for a great woman. Men who wants to be in control can't handle a woman who makes more money who are more successful. When a woman shows a man with low self esteem that she doesn't need him for much that's when it's easy to find out if he is a good one are not. He wouldn't be anything but great for you. Strong men needs strong women.. Good woman needs good men. And all men must have there way of goon through life with ladies but I notice like in the book from act like a lady think like a man by Steve Harvey he quotes men who don't want to find a woman who is independent shows where is his heart truly he is looking to control things. Go find a super man because you deserve it

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  • Don't listen to the guys giving you their bullshit politically correct opinion about how much they respect and appreciate your go-girl independence. I have no doubt they are telling the truth, and it's certainly not a bad thing, but it has ZERO to do with your success at attracting men. That's because guys look at factors that have nothing to do with that when feeling attraction for a woman.

    Think about this. Are you attracted to effeminate, physically weak, small in stature men that wear dresses and heels and run away from a fight and cry at Dr. Phil episodes? I doubt it. you're probably attracted to masculine men.

    Now flip the script. Guys are attracted to feminine women that act and dress female. The truth is, as you describe yourself, you are acting and dressing male. The guys see you as one of the guys because you portray yourself as one! They want to share a beer with you at the bar, not a bed, as a result.

    This is called sexual dimorphism. You might be gorgeous, I don't know... but you are actively working to remove yourself from sexual selection by men by dressing and acting like a man.

    As for being a hardbody... I promise you, that is not a bad thing as long as you don't work out in a way that builds you like a guy!

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  • Don't be afraid to make the first move. More and more guys just aren't bothering anymore for various reasons. If there's a guy that interests you, go up and talk to him, ask him on a date. Most guys would agree it would be a refreshing change and when women decide what they want (ie hold all the cards) we at least know that you're interested in us by asking us out, vs asking you and not really knowing, and for the most part, getting turned down.

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  • Be yourself and be outgoing. You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for someone to come to you. You need to insist, to flirt. You need to be Donna from Suits. You don't have to be girly like her but you need to hit on guys in a way that is enticing. Be confident and flirtatious

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  • Well it depends on what you mean by independent. Some women think being independent means they have to do everything themselves. People like to feel needed, so accepting help isn't a bad thing. You don't empower someone by letting them do things for you. People that care for one another help each other out

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    • 2mo

      I would love to have a man that does things for me! Having to do everything for myself sucks but I have no choice. And yes, two people should work together to help each other - that's what it's all about.

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    • 2mo

      I love for men to be gentlemen. I always tell them thank you when they open a door or offer to carry things for me. A man with manners is very sexy.

    • 2mo

      copen do you by any chance have your pm on? cause I need your opinion on something

  • I prefer independent women. I married one.

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  • Maybe try to come out of your comfort zone. Find a good balance between being yourself but also trying to get their attention. You can wait to find the right guy that likes you for you or you can try to strike a balance between you and a little feminine sexy

    Other than that maybe find a little more of a defining line between being buds and flirting

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  • I would love to be with an independent woman who didn't see me as a meal ticket, but instead was interested in me as a human. But I see here you are 47. Could you be in a situation where there aren't many options? Not sure but I would guess from very limited data that men and women in that age group seem wary of others, and don't have much means or places to socialize if they weren't.

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    • 2mo

      I see your added question about muscular women. I very rarely even see a woman with muscles, but would love to try it! Better than a fat woman!

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      They can be. Some of the ones I have seen still have feminine shapes but are tight and have definition. It is kind of hot. I wouldn't want to be with someone with large Arnold-like muscles who looked like she could hold up one end of a car.

    • 2mo

      Hahaha. I definitely can't hold up a car! Lol

  • I think independence is a really attractive quality in a woman. I think in today's world everyone needs to be independent to a much greater degree when back in the day.

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  • Many men are intimidated by an independent confident strong woman. Try more fancy gigs, places where well grounded men are. I think it's sexy that a woman can home hey own like yourself. But I also understand that a strong independent woman also likes to get taken care of. Remain true to yourself you should be loved for who you are.

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    • 2mo

      In regards to the updated part of your question. I personally like a strong woman that looks feminine. So yes a strong woman with a nice womanly figure breasts and butt is hot in my book.

  • I think you can dress and remain as you are BUT just add that feminine smile/naivety etc. Your issue is that guys are just plain intimidated by you - they think you'll want to be the one that "wears the pants in the house" - basically what you have to do is make them realise that their own masculinity will not be questioned by you. Just let them know that they'll still be the man and you'll still be the woman.

    That does not mean you have to become subservient - but just let them take the lead.

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    • 2mo

      @That does not mean you have to become subservient - but just let them take the lead.

      did you read what you wrote. why do so many men think masculinity is more important than someone elses dignity. the things you claim should be done to protect your masculinity invariably in insult a womans dignity. bc what you call masculinity is just human agency. and volition. A persons agency is attacked when you expect a person to follow. and what does being a woman have to do with being naive..

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    • 2mo

      @AriadneSky because we humans are animals no matter how advance you believe we are. Masculinity attracts females. The feminine attracts the males.

  • What about a dating site where you could talk to guys beforehand and they get to know you.

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  • I prefer independent women but I want a woman who knows how to dress up and be feminine.

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  • What do you like to do for fun? Do you have any hobbies? Perhaps you need to get out there and try new things; I joined up KRAV MAGA from GROUPON to learn some self-defense and meet new people. Have you ever asked a guy out? I know most men have never been asked out on a date even though we have been living int he Feminist age for the last 30 years...

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  • Well men do like muscular and independent women however they also tend to assume and having a perception that an independent woman is also likely to be arrogant and judgmental even though it may not be necessarily true.

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  • That's very attractive, love independence. I'm guessing you really haven't noticed the guys staring at you then huh? haha.
    Muscular is hot too.

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  • what you do is, you ask them out yourself and quit expecting guys to do everything. most "good guys" wait for the girl to approach anyways.

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    • 2mo

      And bad guys are the ones then approaching the girls?

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    • 2mo

      how do test when a lady is a slut?

    • 2mo

      @kitty71 thats a secret. even tho it doesn't always work.

  • Please don't take this the wrong way, but someone trying to date essentially for the first time at 47 is at an incredible disadvantage in real life dating. You need to hook up with your female friends and meet someone through them. I mean you're a unique woman who's lived a very different life. You're going to have to find a similarly unique guy. Are you a virgin?

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  • To get a guy to want to date you, you have to show that you are interested

    You can't just sit around and expect guys you actually find attractive to mindread you and figure out that you're interested

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  • well it that type of situation you have to almsot tell the guy you like him and be more aggressive when flirting or whatever it is you do that would attract a guy. because maybe they dont know your looking for a guy to be with.

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  • I'm a truck driver too and very rare when I see a woman drive a tractor trailer like I drive and when I do they're not the type I would go for, you're probably being treated like one of the guys where you work and since they know the real you then that attracts them , you need to meet them where they get to know you first , an online dating site may be you're best option

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  • I'm not into muscular-yet-not-masculine women, but my gym buddy is. He likes women literally shaped like Wonder Woman, so likes curves as well as toned muscle. We're both more attracted to women with 'feminine' style traits such as makeup (although I like it to be minimal), tight jeans, dresses, heels, nail varnish. I can imagine you must be attractive to still get attention without those traits, although some men like a woman to look a little "rugged" and "strong". I can imagine having good sex with such a woman but probably just the once, while feminine characteristics keep me coming back and lead me to pursue something deeper. It's mainly a question of taste, but because of the way Western society has portrayed women, someone with your style/job etc is more likely to be considered only for sex, as far as I can see

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  • may be you need to go out regularly and meet people...

    try some dating sites

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  • More from Guys
    35

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What Girls Said 12

  • It takes a lot of time and patience to find and attract a good man. Try to get out and meet people. You are a truck driver, so you have plenty of opportunities to talk to people. I know that sounds crazy, but every truck stop is an opportunity to meet guys.

    Talk to other truck drivers, maybe they have friends who are drivers who want a woman? See if they can set you two up on a date. Also, when you are out at a truck stop, ask other drivers about attractions in the area. Maybe one of them will be single and take that opportunity to talk to you.

    Also, when you are in your home town, get out and meet people. If you have the ability to get involved in some social groups then that can also be a way to meet guys.

    Stick to your morals and if a situation doesn't seem right then leave it. If you are seeing a guy and he isn't really what you want, move on. Don't waste time. You will eventually find someone!

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  • Given your age and your job I have to ask and I don't mean this offensively...

    Have you been in a relationship before?
    And do you have a nice body? I know truckers can suffer from the lifestyle.

    Men rarely crawl all over you - I've had nights where I've had to fight them off and others where I've spent the whole night unbothered. It doesn't always mean anything

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    • 2mo

      Yes been married before. Weight/height proportionate. Larger boobs. Slightly muscular. Not offended.

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    • 2mo

      Hope I've helped. I would love to help further if you need it.

    • 2mo

      Cool. Got some questions I was thinking about. Gotta cook dinner right now though.

  • Be you.. you sound like your doing the right thing. .. no point in being anything you are not right

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  • You being 47 is a huge reason why. I can go out dressed like that into a bar and men will still be all over me and may ask me out, but that's only because I'm 26. That, and men in bars aren't necessarily the ones looking for a relationship, just a night out and a chance to get laid. But if I walked in dressed the way you do in say a coffee shop or bookstore or even went to church in pants and a shirt, that's not attractive to men. They want a woman, not another man, especially not an old man and you being 47 and dressing like a trucker all the time is a turn off.

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  • I ask myself that a lot

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  • You haven't met other truck drivers? I would think being constantly on the road means it would be hard to maintain a relationship. If your not meeting men at work, maybe try getting a different profession.

    I don't know how you act but my best advice is if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

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    • 2mo

      I'm not working to meet men. I'm not about to change professions. I'm good at driving a truck. It's what I do.

  • I need to see a pic first before forming a realistic opinion 🐭

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  • travelig, meet people with same interests! just show confidence. I don't know why im saying this all i never dated anyone in my life

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  • I'm not a princess maybe an emo princess. So I do not need a man to recuse me.

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  • For some reason the idea of an independent woman repels men away. I can't speak for all of them, but my guess is that you have way too much power over yourself to where you can solve your own problems, or think for yourself, etc, whereas a man would like to be more of a person who leads for you, has all the answer, or does the most problem solving, and not have a woman who can think for herself. It somehow degrades their masculinity. I would think if you truly want to love somebody, you wouldn't want them your partner/spouse to be too vulnerable, ya know? If you are independent, that's awesome and a very powerful thing.

    I also read on here a few months back that this one particular guy prefers women who are like klutzy or may seem stupid (or say silly things or have an absent-minded) moment. So...

    My only guess is that yes, you are too intimidating to approach (doesn't mean they aren't interested). If you don't dress very feminine, guys may less likely approach you. But I don't think you should resort to dressing uncomfortably just to catch a guy, becuase if you catch him, he's going to expect you to stick to that type of wardrobe, and it's gonna suck if you don't like it either.

    continue to be as you are. They will either approach, or they won't. You still got a life and a future to live. My only suggestion is to start going to them. If you notice men are looking at you, but are not saying or doing anything, just nod a smile, ask them how they're doing. Make yourself look friendly and approachable, maybe that will inspire them to move into your field a little more.

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    • 2mo

      But there are men who does not like women to be dependent of them either, they like more of independent women in some way

    • 2mo

      Like women to pay for their own food when going out together, or that she can hang out with her friends and not always with the guy, like each one have their own space and not act like pushy or persistent. Some guys also could repel dependent women cause they dont want to stick with a women who is constantly all over them, they need space.

  • Everything sounds fine.
    What do you do to show your feminine side?
    How do you carry yourself? The way you speak? The way you flirt?
    Jeans are fine, put on a pretty, feminine/floral top. Open up an extra button.
    Important to show you are diff from the guys.

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  • Most men want to date a feminine looking woman. So it'll be more difficult to find a guy to pursue you, because of you being a tomboy.

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