He doesn't want to propose to me, should I break up with him?

Long distance relationship, i love him and was planning to spend the rest of our lives together, we talked about marriage and i was ready to move to his country, only that i wanted a commitment. he told me he was ready to propose and bought a ring which i never saw, its now 8 month nothing, if i move i lose my job and citizenship , Am moving to another continent and he is not even trying to commit, what should i do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Talk to him about it.

    I was in a long-distance situation, two years. She broke up with me over things she never alluded to, worries and perceived slights that she never spoke of until she had already decided to end things. Her willingness to assume the worst about me without even asking what was going on on my end took me by surprise.

    We started as pen pals. I helped her get accepted for an internship in the US which would have been good for her career and given us a month to see each other, but they denied her a visa to come and complete it - must have assumed she was an asylum risk thanks to current events in her home country, even if she hasn't lived there for many years. I scrambled around like a madman for a while, first looking for any way to salvage the internship for her, and then looking for any way they'd let her into the country at all after graduation - the findings were not promising. It wasn't until two months later that she told me she felt abandoned by me during that time - I was so focused on the problem that I wasn't talking to her as much as I ought to have been. Felt to me like I couldn't talk to her unless I had some good news to share - I was talking to lawyers, charities, a company I thought might sponsor an H1B - I was finding no answers, and I was ashamed. She was already crushed by the rejection, felt then like I'd only make things worse, but I wish more than anything I could go back. There were some miscommunications at this time that would only be revealed to me months later.

    Went over to see her and her family for two weeks, and it felt like we got along beautifully, though there were times when she was unusually quiet. I was trying to figure how we'd do repeat visits and a fiance visa by the end of it. It was only then that she finally told me these things which had built up in her mind, going from "I love you" to not even wanting to be friends in less than two weeks after I got back.

    My head is still spinning. I still feel that I love her, miss the future I thought we'd have together. I'd give anything to go back.

    So yes... long story short, if you have concerns, tell him - don't wait until they become dealbreakers and then drop it on him like a load of bricks once it's too late to discuss it with no indication beforehand that anything was wrong. Communication is vital to any relationship, doubly so for long-distance ones, because if you don't talk about what's going on, your partner has little other way of finding out.

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    • 2mo

      She was my star on the horizon... feels like I'm back in the dark. Things are not good where she's living right now. Hope she'll be OK.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Stay Put here, Dear... Something could Badly Backfire on the other side of the World.
    Back in 2011, a Man from Egypt had Found me on Facebook and we Had started a Wild Whirl Wind Roamce by Chance. After gettingto know him and hi sfamily better on Skype, I then hopped A Board and went Abroad and spent 30 days with them in their Big family house. Things went so well that after returning ho, me, I climbed back on, going over again, where we Then.. tie dthe knot. I ended up residding there awhile, learning how to be amzuslim's wife.
    I am Back now in the States, and with much Toil and Turmoil in our LDR, our Marriage was Suffering because with all of the Trouble that is Going on now in the Middle East, I have Not gone Back to be with him. It has put a big Monkey wrench into our Marriage and at the Moment , we are estranged.
    My situation was, I got the Ring but in Living in Another country that May not be Right for you, think it over. He obviously has his own Reasons of the Seasons and may have Considered this as Well, I can Tell. So he is Procrastinating.
    You both Need to Talk it out before Anything else Goes on. There needs to be Full commitment on Both Ends.
    Good luck. xx

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    • 2mo

      Thanks for sharing your story, we have talked about it , he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but no actions, it bothers me and is making me crazy

    • 2mo

      Oh, you are so welcome, I always enjoy telling it whenever it deals with LDR.
      He may, Yes, Want to spend the rest of his life with you but is just not this Ready Eddy to do it right now. It seems then he is still in the Midst of taking things slow.
      The ball is in your own court as to how long it may go on and how Patient you are. Sometimes LDR like this is like a Fat Cat in the Cozy Corner where he Can have his Cake and Eat it Too by being Free and being with You. xx

    • 1mo

      Thank you for the Vote of Confidence. Love telling this story. xxoo

What Guys Said 7

  • Tell him the truth. My uncle was married 3x so he was gun shy getting married a fourth time and shacked up with his girlfriend for close to 20 years. However she didn't like that and she wanted to get married so she put the screws to him and he realized he needed to marry her so he did. They have been married for over 20 years now.

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  • Talk to him about it instead of asking this question here. You aren't going to get a good answer,
    because no one knows your feelings or situation better than you.

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  • Don't do it.
    Long Distance Re do not work.
    And you stand to lose way more than he does.
    He probably found someone better.

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  • get a real boyfriend? Since when do long distance relationships actually work?

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  • i am willing to bet some guy is scamming you using a male model profile lmao

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  • Oh wow...😐

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  • Break up with him. Time is the only thing you'll never get back. You have to make your life start moving forward NOW!

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What Girls Said 14

  • Let me preface this by saying, this isn't everyone in every situation, but there are A LOT of scammers overseas who seek out "innocent" or "naive" foreigners and build up this I love you, you love me, we'll last forever relationship online only for you to give up everything. They ask you to send money and they'll set up the house/apartment find you a job so you can start your lives together, and you arrive and find there is no phone number, no house, no job, no one by that name.

    You have a lot to lose here, and I think you are right to want a commitment because of that. I think the question to ask is, if you gave up everything, packed up, moved there and assuming he isn't a scammer, but he never offers you a ring or any sort of commitment, or worse comes to worse, he breaks up with you... are you okay with having to then pick up your life and start over in a new country or having to try and move back? That's the true hard line.

    Have a real conversation---make sure you can verify he's a real person with a real address with real friends, and talk to other people that he claims know him to find out if he is who he says he is or if he really is committed to you...

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  • would he be gaining U. S. citizenship through you, or would you be gaining U. S. citizenship through him.

    These situations rarely work if the guy is the one giving you citizenship through marriage. I've had a few guy friends get married to a "foreigner" just to help her stay in the country, then later ended up miserable.

    You might want to let him go...

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  • If he's not making an effort to commit to you physically then I believe that it's a red flag and you should reconsider the whole relationship.

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  • He could be waiting for the right moment. My brother bought his engagement ring 6 months before he proposed because he wanted to wail til bdays were over and at that time a lot of funerals were happening.

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  • Forget him get a real in person relationship

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  • ask him... never assume anything without asking him. he may have a problem or in progress to settle down few things before proposing

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  • According to me, being in a relationship or being engaged is not only about loving each other but knowing each other well, looking in the same direction etc. You can't leave everything you have for uncertainty. I think you should first tell him your feelings and then if you still want to, move to live with him.
    Ps : Did you ever meet him face-to-face?

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  • Move on. Do not send any money.

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  • Sounds like a scam to me, sorry. Break it.

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  • Ask him and tell him what you feel 😬 maybe he tries to surprise you?

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  • You should not move to another continent for him... I think that you should maybe try meeting somebody in your own country. He doesn't seem to be very serious about you, he's probably lying about the ring... just move on 😊

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  • Yes, you should. he just use you and want to have you and free sex with a bunch of other girls

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  • I'd never enter into a long distance relationship again. I had plans to visit and I'd have sacrificed my life back home to be with him.

    Once he pursued a new life when he went to uni he totally changed towards me. He did nothing to prove he still wanted me. He'd been taking the piss out of me all along 😞

    Most people in long distance relationships are just passing time with you. I felt manipulated , and used until he found a more fulfillingng life. My feelings were genuine but he proved, in time, his weren't. He played with my feelings , and I was naive to think he cared like I did.

    He didn't value me missing him, or appreciate the love I had to give him , so I stopped contact.

    So I'd think twice about making a huge sacrifice for him, unless he makes a huge sacrifice in return for you too

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  • I think you should break up. Ldr is crazy, but really, getting married to an ldr is really crazy.

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