How do you share paying for dates? Was I wrong in this situation?

I am dating a guy for 3 months we had 2 dinner dates in the beginning & he paid. When we had drinks later that evening I paid. Otherwise if we have been out for drinks sometimes I pay, I also pick up for taxis occasionally & when we have been to BBQ's or gatherings with friends I have bought a bottle or some kind of offering. We never split the bill & I am fine with paying my way, I didn't ever have any issue with the way we had been doing things.

This W-E we were out with his friend & guy he didn't know. 2nd round of drinks got ordered & the guy he didn't know paid. I felt uncomfortable because my guy didn't even offer to split so I left cash on table.

Last night we had dinner, he told me to ask for the check. Jokingly I said "Really? Is that protocol now the lady asks for the check?" He said he'll show me what's protocol.
The check came &he said lets split I wasn't surprised but maybe the disappointment showed on my face as I had paid for our lunch that day & thought it would be nice if he treated me to dinner, but anyway I said ok.
The restaurant didn't accept Amex (No I didn't have any other card but that's another story) so I asked if he mind paying & I would get cash when we left.
When I offered him the cash for my half he refused it making a huge deal shouting at me in the street saying that he didn't like my behaviour. He didn't mention money but I know it's exactly what he were referring to, he said that he does things a certain way & obviously I am not the person he thought I was & he isn't the person I thought he was.

It ended with him saying that was it so I proceeded to walk my way, he caught up with me & continued repeating what he had already said. Very calmly I said I didn't know what he wanted from me now & if that's it I'll go my way and he go his, to which he shouted 'BYE' in my face.

He has since text me acknowledging that he overeacted but he clearly thinks I was wrong in some way. In my mind I don't feel I have done wrong, have I?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I hope for your sake and safety that you never again run into that guy. If I ask you to join me for the evening, I pay. If I stop for fuel on the way to drop you off, I pay, If someone orders a round of drinks and we are included, I pay for the next. This is only right. You are with me as my guest.
    If we were in a relationship, the scenario may be different if we had an agreement before leaving the house, otherwise, it remains the same, I pay.

    Just my opinion

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    • 2mo

      I think this is a fair way of doing things, the fact I had already paid for drinks and lunch that day and he didn't offer to pay, neither did he offer to split with the guy he didn't even know and left it to me... But then he wanted to split dinner and got mad when it didn't quite go his way isn't fair at all.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think what you did was wrong. You simply forgot your other cards (it happens!). It's not like you never pay for stuff, and it's not like you are using him for money. TBH it sounds like he is incredibly passive aggressive. I personally think you dodged a bullet. I would just end things now.

    Unless he is willing to let things go, it sounds to me he is taking this way too seriously. I would honestly be scared if someone reacted to me that way. He made an unnecessary scene, I would have been so embarrassed and scared.

    I think he's acting abusive towards you. It was a simple situation, a simple mistake, and you offered to give him money afterwards anyway. It's not like you outright refused to pay. And he had to make a scene.

    He was wrong and no he didn't apologize to you. Because his apology was about making you feel worse for the situation that wasn't even your fault intentionally. Crap happens, I've been guilty of forgetting money and cards. Life happens. You weren't pushing him to pay for you intentionally. And again, you offered to reimburse him.

    He decided to take it too far and embarrass you and yell in your face. That's not someone I would want to be with for very long. How is he going to feel if he has to pay for something again if you forget your cards? Is he going to make a scene again then?

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What Guys Said 8

  • Well a clear way to fix your problem is to create your guys boundaries. Sit down and talk to each other about what you want. Make it clear that you do want to help pay most of the time.
    With me the girl that I'm looking to ask out is a full time student. So because I'm the one with a job. I will be the one that pays for pretty much everything. I don't really care about it that much because I was taught to pay for the dates. But I do hope that she will get a job soon just because I would rather not be in a relationship with a women that can't help pay for anything. That being said were both college students so I understand how much work she has to put into her 5 classes.

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  • I don't think you did anything wrong, I think he over reacted. It may be a sign of poor communication, expectations, or other incompatibilities I'm not seeing. like when he started to put up a fuss, I'm not sure the arguing worked out the issue, so he left... it appears frustrated.

    If the woman doesn't push back, we think she isn't interested, or the other person doesn't defend their position, then we don't understand and it is frustrating. Just sounds like this isn't working so well, but who knows, maybe give it another swing and see what you learn.

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  • I hate say this but he is looking for you to pay for all the dates.
    Please take my advice if he isn't willing to sit down and talk about
    than do so and tell him if not than like others are saying your better
    off without him. I would not be paying for any more dates to he knows
    where things stand with you two. He sounds like he is just looking for
    a good time but on your dime.

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  • i dont pay for shit. we're equal, you pay your slice i pay mine, i take you home and i bring you around... that would suffice for me.

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  • What a dick... smh!

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  • You did nothing wrong, well at least you dodge a bullet. All the dates i ever been on i payed, but people does make little things a problem

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  • I feel like you are giving a one sided argument and that something happened that you aren't speaking of. Regardless, I feel as if both of you had a mis-communication or something, or there is something happening on his side that you aren't aware of.

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    • 2mo

      What I said is exactly as it happened

    • 2mo

      Then it is over, move on.

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What Girls Said 12

  • He's out of line. Not you. Let's be real for a minute: Is a normal guy really going to demand that his new girlfriend pick up the tab? He might hint it or ask if you can split the bill, but I can't imagine a guy expect you pay for him without discussing it first. He's a douche. Imagine how bad he'll be in another three months. Quite honestly, this sounds like a red flag for abusive behavior.

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  • OMG... You may not realize this, but this whole ordeal just revealed to you who he really is. Were you in the wrong? Hell no. He is barking orders at you like the macho he thinks he is, yet getting insulted at something that as macho he should be doing? Never mind the check. That he made a scene and screamed in your face in public is pretty much a deal breaker. Delete him and move on.. please!!!

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  • WOW! From everything youve said it sounds like he has some built up resentments from something. My guy and I mix it up so that he knows I respect him as much as I appreciate him. I'll take him to the movies and he'll by drinks after or He'll get lunch and Ill buy or make dinner for us. we never split the check. thats something plutonic friends do (I think).
    Is he normally that authoritative? or is this something new?
    Because from what you've said, you are not in the wrong.

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    • 2mo

      He is often like this lately. I have cried so much over the past month because of the way he has acted. I agree, splitting the check is unromantic and something I do with friends. I am happy to spend my money and I don't expect any man to finance the relationship but i don't think I will be dating anyone who thinks going Dutch is the done thing!

  • Do yourself a favor and steer clear. I don't think he's dating material for you. If he could freak out over something so little like THAT, I can't imagine how he'd act if it was over something much, much worse. That would be a deal breaker for me.

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  • most of the time, my man will pay the date, but i'll make sure i will pay him at the other time, maybe he paid for dinner, but i'll pay for another date or activity. it's just because i don't want to be a burden to him, we have family to support financially and also we are saving for our wedding. so it's not fair to allow only him to pay everything, money is not something easy to earn after all.

    BUT... you must ask him, and make sure he know your intentions/concern coz some men didn't like it. so ask him what do he preferred. you can always pay him in the other way, maybe not in dinner, movies? travel? anything, but yes, discuss first with him. men have their ego too, so we as a women need to consider that and allow them to feel comfortable being a gentleman

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  • He sounds like a massive douche. I don't think you did anything wrong!

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  • I don't see that you did anything wrong. You were honest with him and he flipped out. Take it as a red flag. Hopefully he doesn't fly off the handle with any problem that arises.

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  • I don't think you did anything wrong. Like you said you paid for lunch, then you paid for half of your dinner. What happened to chivalry? I know these days woman do help pay but it shouldn't exactly be expected in my opinion. He seems cheap and I think you can find better.

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  • It sounds like his issues extend far beyond the "paying protocol".

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  • I dont see the problem here 😣😣

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  • No, you have not.

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  • It's only been 3 months and something like this already happened. His behavior is unacceptable, I wouldn't put up with a BOY like that. But to each their own, and if this is the first time he's done something like this... Then check in with him. See if something like is really going on... Otherwise trust me, you're better off on your own and you'll meet a better guy for sure.

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    • 2mo

      It's not the first time he gets mad and argued with me. I hope I have better luck next time :)

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