Should you drop a friendzoner as a friend?

So, I have a friend I've known for over 3 years now, and he's a really good guy, but for various reasons I'm just not into him that way. Unfortunately he's still super into me and it's becoming a problem.
Recently I met a guy at a party. We added each other on Facebook and quickly got on as friends. He got tickets for a concert and invited me. We went to the concert as just friends but we really started to connect that night and continued to get close.
Meanwhile, anytime his name was mentioned my friend would wince, scowl, etc... and I did my best to minimize it but it got to the point where I was tired of feeling like I should hide being into someone finally.
The friend likes to imply more between us than there is and I end up having to explain to a lot of people that there's nothing there... but he still posts to my Facebook a lot. He posted yesterday about nerd girls being hot. He tagged me, and then decided against it and untagged me because I've had several talks with him about the matter.
Later that afternoon (the guy) posted on my profile and I responded to it. I turn around and the friend likes (the guy)'s post and then goes back and re-tags me in his post.
This made it so that I had to address the matter and politely explain that I liked (the guy). Because (my friend) knew (the guy) (and very vaguely at that) he took it on himself to congratulate the guy, very sarcastically, and make it known that he was super hurt.
Fortunately (the guy) and I have truly clicked and developed a meaningful enough connection that it wasn't too difficult for it to brush over without much fuss between (the guy) and I. (And I addressed it with my friend and made him understand it was NOT ok.)
But now, I'm wondering more than ever if I should stop entertaining the friendship when it never feels like he gets that it's a friendship. I don't know what to do. I know he values me, and as a friend I value him but... I feel like cutting ties might be more merciful on his end.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Drop him like a bad habit. He is wrapped up in fantasy. Any positives he brings to your life (which you have not mentioned) are not worth the torment he is putting himself through.

    You are going to have to be very blunt, to the point, and a little harsh with him to drive the point home. His mind creates fantasy, if you try and be nice he will focus on any nice things you say and see it as interest on your side. That all he will have to do is wait.. So, be short, be factual, and don't give him anything he can use to create a delusion of hope. Then ignore him. It is what is best for both of you.

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    • 2mo

      I'm guessing that's how it will end up going. I'm the same sort of practical. I've been unbelievably blunt with him... hoping it would help him cope and instead he dwells, overdramatizes, sulks, and then resolves... I guess... to simply keep trying. I don't know! It drives me nuts! He's in the same social circle as the guy I'm talking to and I. We're actually in a Meetup group and my friend and I are both admins. He basically told me last night that he wanted to step down from admin and hand his role over to me. This is like total scandal to him because in his world he has some kind of dibs on me in the group. The guy I'm seeing right now... I met him via a group Meetup... and we met as friends. Basically... with the entire admin team knowing he has a crush... someone having the audacity to date me is akin to being a complete traitor.

Most Helpful Girl

  • hmmm, it sounds like he's not acting like a real friend if he behaves that way. Your friendship is not a consolation prize. You can't help that you aren't attracted to your "friend," and he needs to accept that. If he felt like he couldn't be a good friend to you, then he should have walked away. Instead it sounds like he's just pretending to be your friend and hanging around to ruin your chances with other guys.
    I think you should talk to him. Tell him that you don't feel like he's being a true friend, that it doesn't seem like he values your friendship. Tell him that you're sorry you don't feel the same way, and if you dating other guys is so painful to him, then maybe you should hang out less so you don't hurt him.

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What Guys Said 2

  • That's prob a good idea

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  • why would a guy degrade himself like that, you said no thats it why is he doing all that

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What Girls Said 1

  • He doesn't seem to be acting like a friend to you. It's probably in both of your best interests to say goodbye.

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