Please help I can't fall in love with him?

My parents moved me to the United states when I was 13 to study abroad with my grandparents. I come from a very conservative Korean family and my parents believe in very old customs such as arranged marriages. They have a very close relationship with another family in Korea who happens to have a son who is about three years older than me. He's a great guy and we're close friend but I'm not in love with him at all and come next year I'll be 18 so in Korean age I'll be 20 and eligible to finally get married and they've already promised me to think boy. Well about 2 years ago I got accepted into a special school for the arts where I live and I met a guy I'm really close with. We became friends almost instantly and have been friends since. But lately something has changed about that friendship and I've started to see his as a man... not just a friend or a big brother. We hang out all the time and I'm allowed to hang out with him as long as another girl is around or his parents are able to see us, or my grandparents. It's not appropriate for a girl to be alone with a boy as my parents say. But sometimes when we go to the pool to swim he always never wear a shirt... and I keep catching myself stare at his chest and something about that excites me. And now I'm finding myself missing him when I'm not around him and when he is there I always find myself just smiling and always happy. I've never had a boyfriend and I'm forbidden from dating. I'm lucky I'm even allowed to hang out with any boys. My fiance would probably be angry to know. I've never done anything with this boy at all but I keep having urges to touch him or sometimes I want to kiss him. And I know he looks at me as well... and he's mentioned how beautiful I am and that my betrothed is a lucky man (I told him about it). But what do I do about this... I wanna b with him not my fiancè... I really like this guy and I don't know what to do about these feelings. Please help me


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just don't do it. Don't go through with the marriage why should your parents choose who you will sleep with for the rest of your life? You are a bit too young to get married anyway. Tell your parents you don't want to do it. I think it's more about that you should be able to choose who you want. They may not like it but what are they gonna do? But you might wait until you are 18 so they will not be able to make you do anything. Now they can just send you back to Korea but next year they can't make you do anything,

    Could you answer my question.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2112691-was-i-wrong-to-ask-for-the-money-back

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to learn to have boundaries and self control when around this guy, or else your just going to have to separate from him. You never got a chance to see your fiancé to even know if you can love him or not. This is not about falling in love. Love doesn't work like that. Love has to already be inside of you, love has to be something you can provide for that person. What your basically saying is that you refuse to love or grow to love a person you never even met. Your basically lusting after this guy your seeing now and you think you love him, but you don't. You two are basically just interested in getting into each others pants, thats all. What's going to happen when this go sour between you two? Your going to start over by finding somebody else? Its best to be real and honest about this and yourself.

    Its not that your too young to marry or else the legal age wouldn't be 18. And I'm sure they won't rush you to marry quickly. I believe its only when either you and him are ready to get married. Your just eligible. That doesn't mean: do it now! Unless they are indeed forcing you. Think about this really hard. Because if you make this person your husband, you would have to follow and honor him regardless who you marry. That is the duty of the wife. To help her husband and let him lead and be in charge of her and the children. The rule still applies. So unless your willing to submit to him as a wife instead of your fiancé, talk this over. Because either way, all this is is lust if your urges is about touching him in an intimate manner. And lust doesn't last long, it fades.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Try talking to an elder female relative or elderly friend that you respect, honour and hold in esteem. Tell them. You aren't the only woman this has happened to. But the advice must come from someone of your own culture and beliefs. Otherwise you risk being shunned and treated no better than the whore in the ally.
    But what do I know, that is just my opinion

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    • 2mo

      I've told some of my unnies from Korea (older female friends) and they advised me to try and talk to my fiancè or family and tell them. My sister had to go through this and though she didn't fall for someone else she didn't want to get married originally either

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    • 2mo

      Do you think if I tell him maybe if neither of us wants the marriage we can find a way to stop it? I've honestly thought of visiting my parents during Christmas and actually bringing my best friend along and seeing what they think of him then telling them how I feel

    • 2mo

      I think if your unnies are as wise as most elders that they know what they are talking about. Remember you don't know what happened in their lives for them to come to counsel you in this manner. I am not of your culture but my culture places much respect on our elders and trust in their knowledge thus accepting their advice as solid and in the best interests of the person asking for advice.

  • Well, only you can control your emotions, feelings.

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    • 2mo

      Actually, no she can't. We can only control our actions, will can change our thoughts, and in turn our feelings, but it's a long shot.

    • 2mo

      @dragonfly6516

      You have a point but I would still say. Yes one can control their emotions and feelings whatever path they may follow in order to achieve that it's fine, what is important is having good control over their emotions and feelings. It's a must. Yes I know it's not easy and it requires time and effort on the person's part but it can be done. It's fully possible.

      As you say she can't control it, then I would in that case she will have to find a way to achieve control over it, that's all.

      Yes, you have a point we can control our actions. It's just my view. We have our right to our opinions.

  • Sound straight out of a korean-drama.

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  • Is this guy you have a crush on a white guy by any chance?

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    • 2mo

      No, he's half Hispanic half black

  • unfortunately no easy way out. If value your Korean traditions then unfortunately can't do much but to honor family. If you feel like you can handle your family most likely not taking to you then follow your heart. I've got many Korean friends and some are considered the black sheep of the family and get shunned. It's a hard situation. Wish you the best.

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  • Then go for the other guy and tell him he isn't good enough for you!

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  • you have a choice to make then. your parents, or this guy

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What Girls Said 5

  • be with this guy and leave your fiancee.
    Its your life and what your family want shouldn't dictate what you do with your life - as long as you're not doing anything wrong or harming anybody.
    Take control of your life and make your own decisions, be with this guy and call off your engagement.

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  • you're going to have to b talk to your parents and tell them it's not just about the other guy you like, it's about your happiness and freedom. tell them that American ways have rubbed off on you and you want freedom to make your own choices

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  • It's your life, take control of it.

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  • This really does sound like a Korean drama I recently watched. I can't remember the name tho.

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  • You have to tell your grandma or someone else who can speak with your parents about how you feel. if you're going to be with someone, you have to feel the chemistry and attraction. Speak up! This is your life

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