Guys, Someone told me that when a guy likes the other, they'll pull out the stops. They'll want to make sure she feels special, or else he doesn't care for her that much. Is this true? Or have things changed for the most part?
girls, do you experience this a lot?
I personally have dated chivalrous men. But recently I started dating a guy who doesn't do this stuff and I can't tell if it's cause he just doesn't like me that much.
To fear God and maintain His Church To serve the liege lord in valour and faith To protect the weak and defenceless To give succour to widows and orphans To refrain from the wanton giving of offence To live by honour and for glory To despise pecuniary reward To fight for the welfare of all To obey those placed in authority To guard the honour of fellow knights To eschew unfairness, meanness and deceit To keep faith At all times to speak the truth To persevere to the end in any enterprise begun To respect the honour of women Never to refuse a challenge from an equal Never to turn the back upon a foe
And I am a gentleman always
The gentleman's code
"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."
John Walter Wayland (Virginia 1899)
Anyone can be heroic from time to time, but a gentleman is something you have to be all the time. - Luigi Pirandello -
Totally disagree. Chilvary is a personality type or at least a reflection of a persons upbringing/culture, etc. A chivalrous man is likely to do those things even for someone they dont like romantically, and a guy who doesn't do those things may just be showing he likes you in a very different way
I try to always exhibit chivalrous conduct regardless of my feelings for a female. I hold the door open for strangers, so my conduct would give no clues about my feelings. . . but I have no problem with talking to my girlfriend about how I feel towards her: she KNOWS that she is loved!
Hasn't changed much in the real world, it's only internet men who claim to never do these things for women. Pulling out the stops for me would be something like arranging (or cooking) a nice dinner, picking you up, flowers and planning a fun activity before/after. Basically making your entire evening special.
Depending on how long you've been seeing each other, i'd say if a guy does none of those things at some point, the chances are he's not all that interested - or at least nothing more than a casual thing. How old is he btw? If he's a young guy he might well not know how to do this.
I don't thik that is true. I used to not do those things because I was clueless and had to be trained by top notch woman trainers... poor souls sufferred terribly.
yes I do those things if I like someone, and to some degree if I just like them as a person. I don't think that is a criteria to judge anything by. but I see you dilemma... how do you know if he likes you...
If you wanna know if a dude likes you, he'll pull out all the stupid reasons to talk or be close to you. He'll actively try to stand or sit next to you and agree with the dumbest shit imaginable. Most people hold the door for people in general because most dudes aren't dicks. As for paying for a meal, that's usually not the case unless y'all are actually dating. And most people go up and greet people they already know. And if they don't know that person, usually not unless they have something to actually talk about... Cold approaching usually isn't the best strategy
Nah I've always been that way. Doesn't matter if its a woman I'm dating or just some random woman out in public I'm gonna hold the door for her. Its just the person I am. If guys truly do for just to impress her they shouldn't cuz that will end at some point because that's not them. Shouldn't sell something you can't produce right?
Honestly I would just think some of these are proper etiquette or behaviour, whatever it's called. Walking up to the front door is something I find that I do with anyone, whether it's my girlfriend, friends, parents, it doesn't matter to me. I just find it to be polite. And opens doors is something I do for strangers on almost a daily basis. Not car doors of course, but I mean like shops and stuff, it's common courtesy. The only thing is paying for meals. I'll only do this if the girl wants me to and doesn't mind since I'm inviting her out most of the time. Although if it's her inviting me, I'll still carry money just in case she wants to split the bill or whatever. I don't mind if she wants to pay her fair share and go Dutch, I just don't like it when they'll force you to pay.
I've done all of the above, but not everyday. It's not like I have the money to pay for every meal XD But if the guy likes someone he'll try to make the person feel special, not only by those actions, but even in small things like showing that he cares about you, that he think about you even when you are not around. It could be just a simple good morning message, but somehow he will manage to demonstrate his feelings.
I am chivalrous, but I won't pay for every single meal, especially if we aren't a couple yet, cause if she doesn't like me, she will use me for the free food, and plus, I can't afford paying for both every time we eat out.
I try not to do too much though, cause I've always end up giving more than them and they take me for granted, so they do nothing while I do everything. So I will be chivalrous, but I won't go overboard to the point of giving my everything until I know for sure that she likes me and will be a lady for me.
I am chivalrous to evryone provided they dont prove their a dick head, to men and women and children, open doors for all, help them pay for things if they dont have enough money, buy them stuff if they can't afford it etc.. As for dates i pay for the first date if i ask her out, or if i want to treat her on other dates, i put thought into each date and the things she likes and enjoys or things she hasn't tried that she might enjoy etc.. Im a big romantic adventurer at heart
Depends on the guy. Some guys see that as putting on a front and won't do those things because "that's not me", so in his mindif he doesn't do those things already he's not going to put on an act now. Other guys will do those things if they're inspired to or if that's just how they were raised. Could be he very much "doesn't give a fuck". Could be him trying to remain the guy she's attracted to and sees those traditionally chivalrous acts as a slippery slope towards becoming a sort of chode. Could be a couple things. But if he wasn't brought up to do that, it wouldn't be surprising he doesn't.
Yeah I'd probably be foolish enough to do those things. Luckily I've never met anyone I've been attracted to enough to do those things for in the past 15 years. Just as well, in my experience being chivalrous just gets you treated like a doormat.
if I'm dating her, then yes I'll dote on her if I like her. But, women aren't helpless creatures and I'm not a babysitter. Feminism is a two way street. Men are desiring partnerships more than a trophy wife and are often seeking independent women. If you struggle to open a door for yourself; you aren't very independent. I think, and I try in my relationships. To do nice and considerate things for the other person, and expect them to do the same. That's in comparison to the classic definition of chivalry- which is basically guys opening the door, etc. in return for the woman cooking and cleaning. There's ways to be romantic without aligning with this definition.
I would do it all for her to show her she's special and that I care about her. So for some guys the answer is yes but other guys it's no either because they aren't chivalrous or they had a problem when they were chivalrous.
But for me I would do all this and more because I like her and I want to take care of her.
You are pretty young, and I assume he is too. If he's like me at that age, it's possible that he has never been taught to do these things. He may be trainable. Don't criticize him, and don't apologize for wanting this. Just tell him "It makes me feel... when a man... for me." Money is trickier. Don't expect him to spend more than he can afford.
My husband was in the camp where he'd regularly do two of those things - he'd come to the door to escort me to the car, open the car door and then pay for a meal. After a while he didn't always open the car door for me. He always insisted on paying for a meal if he asked me out. When I suggested an outing and offered to pay, he graciously accepted my offer.
I know social norms now say it's acceptable for a guy to honk his horn while idling at the curb, expect you to just come running so he doesn't waste gas, let yourself into the car and then pay for your own meal - but I say that sucks. That's not sharing or showing any social graces whatsoever. If I can't count on you to at least take the trouble to come to the door and ring the doorbell, can I count on you to put your own dishes in the dishwasher or put the toilet seat down?
You'll have to sense whether this guy really likes you or not. Personally, if I couldn't tell after several dates I might start looking around. With my husband I knew we liked each other by the second date for sure.
I don't know my husband did this shit in the beginning. It annoyed me if we're being honest; but rather than tell him to stop, I just started trying to get to the door first so I could open it for him, taking the check before he could pay, etc. He eventually got the hint and quit doing that stuff, but I think part of him found it funny that I went to such great lengths to make a point about it. I can open my own damn door.
I don't think it's a huge deal if a guy doesn't do these things, though. There are other (better) ways to tell if he really genuinely likes you.
Actually, not male here, but I hold open doors for guys I'm interested in, unless they can get there first and males that are interested, by nature, I'm pretty sure do hold doors and pay for things etc. (has happened with every guy who's been liking me).
Guys that have no interest don't generally acknowledge my existence so they wouldn't bother doing those kind of things. They'd probably rather let the door swing back and knock me unconscious than waste thier time.
I think chivalry is inherently sexist, but both people doing nice things for one another is always nice. I dont mind him holding doors for me, if I can do the same without him feeling emasculated and bothered. I dont mind him paying sometimes, if I can pay other times. Taking care of each other is nice and essential.
A lot of guys hold doors though. I feel like it happens to me all the damn time, just walking around. I'm sure they do it on dates or with women they actually like. As a feminist, it's bothering, considering the root of this kind of tradition. But it's too much effort to fight it every time it happens. And I can simultaneously appreciate anyone's nice gesture. Last week, I was walking through a double door entrance and two guys were holding open both doors. I had to laugh, that was cute and funny.