What to do when you know she's lying?

So I'm dating this girl, but the more I get to know her and ask about her, the more I know she's lying to me.
She's not lying to me about her feelings, I know that, but she is hiding many things about her life that I consider important, like drinking. I asked her if she has ever gotten drunk, and she instantly changed her body language and said no. Clearly lying, so I teased her about it and she ended up admitting that she tended to get drunk like once every one/two weeks.

Every time I ask something that may give her a bad image (like getting drunk a lot) she has the same reaction.
I've told her that I know she's lying, but she denies it, and starts laughing, knowing she got caught, but she never tells me the truth.

I like this girl and I know she likes me even more, but these lies are kinda worrying me; I don't wanna date someone who has molded her image to what I like, instead of someone who is what I like.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Tell them they can tell you the truth and it won't make you think badly of them. It's not like you're going to saying, "Omg you're a horrible person I'm leaving!"

    Maybe have her ask you questions like that and after seeing you answer them honestly it might could help her be more truthful?

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    • 2mo

      I've told her to ask me questions, and I answer honestly, but she still lies to me with some questions. I feel like maybe she doesn't wanna be honest with the "bad things" cause she doesn't want me to have a bad impression :/

    • 2mo

      Welp then time to be blunt and say you dislike girls that are compulsive liars.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Talk to her about it. It could be your line of questioning or how you are asking it that are getting her defensive so maybe try and make it a more relaxed approach when talking to her so she feels more willing to open up.

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    • 2mo

      Usually she asks first, I answer, and then ask her to answer it too. I don't know if my answer is conditioning hers :/

    • 2mo

      It could be and I think it likely is since many people do respond that way and it seems women more so, especially if she likes you then she is trying to be everything you want her to be which is not a good way of creating a lasting relationship (which is why your concern is very valid). So I would just point that out it could be she is insecure or that she has issues from other relationships or she just really wants to be with you bad enough she will change who she is for you, so I would just very gently let her know that it bothers you that she feels like she has to lie to you for your approval, maybe even share something you feel awkward about or something just so she can see that your willing to accept her (self depreciation in social settings is good because it shows you are humble and are exposing a weakness and so are not going to be likely to flip out on the other person if you find out about something they did/feel) so maybe do something like that.

What Girls Said 12

  • Well, it could be that you questioning her comes across like you might judge her if she's honest. Mind you, that's not an excuse on her part, she should be honest and confident in her decisions, even if they are bad habits or were mistakes since it shows she's self aware.

    I assume she just really likes you and is afraid of scaring you off. All you can do is tell her that her lying to you concerns you not only because it shows she's dishonest, but it shows she doesn't trust that you won't harshly judge her if she tells the truth.

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    • 2mo

      Well said I 2nd her

    • 2mo

      @archiz Thank you my friend.

    • 2mo

      Yeah... I try not to make it sound like an interrogation, it's usually just talking and the question comes up, sometimes I ask her the same question she asked me. I just wanna get to know her better, you know?

      But yeah, if she keeps lying, I'll have to bring it up and tell her that that's gonna cause problems.

  • ... Tended to get drunk like once every one/two weeks.
    There may be More in Store behind her so called "Lying," @AleDeEurope. She could be doing it More than you even Know behind closed doors.
    I have a Sibling that has been Doing this Drunk Act for years, and it Causes many Problems in the family. She has Binged it, been on and off the wagon, and is Hard to Handle because it is a Hard Habit to Kick. She knows she has a problem but Refuses to go for help.
    The only Time she is really Fairly "Okay," is when she is Working every Day. However, one never Knows when they will Fall off that Wagon, and it takes Someone Special to Stop being an Enabler and put their Foot Down hard on the Ground to Help them Get... Help for it.
    From where I am sitting, I see a Pattern with her being this Pie Eyed Problem down a Path of Problems.
    She knows deep down, Denying it, you call it "Lying," but I think we Both know What it is. The message is in this Bottle.
    Good luck. xx

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  • "I like you, but it makes me uncomfortable when you lie to me. I'm not here to judge you, I'm just here to get to know you - the real you - since I'm showing you the real me."

    ^ or saying something of that variation to her may help if you find a time to slip it into conversation

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  • I don't think she's moulding to you, it's a social norm to downplay our alcohol consumption especially for a woman, she must be taking time to open up to you or likes you so much doesn't want to give a bad impression however if it escalates into more serious lies then talk!

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    • 2mo

      The drinking was just one thing, she's lied about more stuff :/

    • 2mo

      Have the talk to clarify and communicate about it, but make sure you say, honesty is an important & key part of all relationships and it makes wonder what else she lies about and you don't want it to be like that, if it doesn't stop off after that, then maybe it's best to end it!

  • I couldn't date someone who would lie to me like that , and think nothing of it. Once a person lies to me then every truth becomes questionable

    I'd be upfront about how you feel about her lying. Maybe even tell her lying in a relationship is a deal - breaker for you, because it's disrespectful towards you . I'd ask her direct why she feels the need to lie to you

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  • Tell her exactly that you dont want to date someone who is going to mold themselves into what you want you want to be with someone who is exactly who they are because there's no point to dating someone if they are going to act fake... you would rather her be upfront about who she is and what she has to offer as a person because everyone has something to offer because everyone is unique

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  • Give her more time to open up to you.
    And when she opens up don t judge her.
    Don t comment negatively on those attitudes in front of her so she won t feel you ll leave her if you knew her more.
    It s kind ofd sad though... and a bit weak as a personality

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    • 2mo

      Yeah but until she decides to open up, what? Do I have to deal with her lies? She's not gonna tell me the truth ever, cause if she does, she'll know I know she's lied to me, and I'm not gonna be with a liar :/

    • 2mo

      You sort off answered yourself here

  • Drunk every one to two weeks? She sounds like an alcoholic, and if she's a liar that's very dangerous. You're better off just cutting your losses and finding someone else. The girl you have is disturbed and damaged.

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  • grab her by the neck up again a wall until she pleads guilty

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  • If you dont like her lies now, you want like them later either.
    Leave!

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  • call her out on it.

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  • So you're dating a liar? What advice are you looking for exactly?

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    • 2mo

      We're not official, we just started talking. I didn't know she was a liar before I got to know her.
      I just wanna know what I should do to bring up the topic without sounding like I'm paranoid. Just how to deal with this situation, cause I don't really know why she's lying.

    • 2mo

      It doesn't matter why. She has a habit of lying that's all you need to know.

What Guys Said 10

  • Dump her, and tell her why.

    If she doesn't care, then you know she was lying about her feelings too, and you just didn't realise.
    If she cares (and it's IF) she will beg you for a second chance and try to change.

    If she doesn't change, you have your answer, and the next dump should be permanent.

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    • 2mo

      I know she's not lying about her feelings. I have thought of dumping her, but I wanna know the real reason why she's lying to me, cause it doesn't feel like she wants to use me, quite the opposite, I feel like she lies so that I don't get a bad impression of her, so I don't leave because of her mistakes.

  • I hear ya man. I just started seeing a girl last month that felt like my female counterpart in terms of common interests, political views, morals, etc

    Then this past Sunday, SHE invited me to her place, we hang out, get drinks, have sex our first time when we got back. But before we had sex, I saw an empty condom wrapper that wasn't mine in her bed and she knows I saw it.

    Now she's ignoring me, and it's like I don't know if she's embarassed or thinks I'm the bad guy now. Sure we're not exclusive but I don't know what to do now.

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    • 2mo

      That sucks... you're in a wore situation than me, so I hope you get to talk to her so she explains herself, but I think we all know she slept with someone while dating you :/

    • 2mo

      Yeah the worst part is she invited me to come to her place, let alone her room that day. We even have a ton in common, which she admitted.

      But the thing is I gave her some space after that which was Sunday. Sent her a casual text saying hey what's up earlier and didn't get any response. It makes me feel like I'm the bad guy and I screwed up.

      Either that or maybe she's embarassed and doesn't know what to say to me.

  • My condolences for dating a cunt.
    img.ifcdn.com/.../...ad8d8e7c3bd01b5d6fa5933_1.jpg

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  • If I catch you in a lie once, shame on you! If I catch you in a lie twice, shame on me.

    I am out on lies, period! The truth can be told every time in such a way that it is completely understandable why you made a bad choice.

    Just my opinion

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  • well you said it yourself. she's trying to protect her image. girls who like a guy, will try to come off as perfect little angels so that you see them in a good light

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    • 2mo

      That's what I fear... cause in the end the truth comes out, and I don't want that to happen when we get serious.

    • 2mo

      thats usually why the truth is just better upfront

  • Time to move on...

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  • A weak mind and personality. Is this really what you want in your life? In your future?
    Dating is to determine if someone is a fit or not. To discern whether what you see and hear is acceptable or not.

    NEXT!! :)

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  • Some girls are bad at it, others are pretty damn good at it, bu

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    • 2mo

      *but you all you need to know is that all girls do it. Women aren't accountable about things, in general, and to them image is much more important than anything else.

      I usually let them lie for long until I'm 100% sure that she lied about different things. I'll let her do the lying habit long enough to even have proof of not one, but several lies. And I don't even conspire in her back, I just let her do it until is enough and I'm sure about it. That's where I'll confront her and see her reaction.

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    • 2mo

      Don't let it get serious until you're sure about it. It's better to give it some time while you figure out her lying, and until you know her a bit more but there's no reason to postpone it enough so things get serious, specially if she doesn't make you comfortable. Once you're sure about it, dump her. Tell her she doesn't make you feel safe or comfortable and you need to move on. What I'm saying is, I get why you haven't got to that decision yet.

    • 2mo

      Ok. I'll give it some time, to see if she keeps lying and if she does, I'll talk to her and end it.

      Thanks, man.

  • u better run my brudda cuz she gonna be doing a lot more lying

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  • Dump her like yesterday's oatmeal

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