Guys, What's the deal on this whole pulling away when things start to feel serious act? Men please?

I just want to know from The horses mouth truthfully what this is about. I'm tired of even meeting people anymore because it's like you go with the flow and no matter how cool you play it -when things start to feel serious all of a sudden there's a shift in behavior and you feel them withdraw after they've sucked you in. I just want to know why the hell they do that and if it's something legitimate or just an excuse, like do I just shut off any attempts at communication and wait for him like I'm not with this what ever happen to only making moves and treating someone special if you had real intent and actually being able to be honest about it. Now a days it's like your just expected to be strung a long and wait for him to tell you where you stand in his life wtf is that crap?


0|0
22

Most Helpful Guy

  • Read the book Mars and Venus on a date, there is some discussion on that topic although it is more viewed as a stage... but talks about how to handle it.

    Why... I did that once real bad around your age. What it reall is... is doubts... which is related to fear and lack of confidence. It may be self esteem as well.

    To overcome it, at least in my case, the girl would have had to back off a bit as well and reassure and slow down. Basically, if one person starts getting ahead of the other, then the other starts to backoff. So take a step back yourself, but don't disappear and run away, step back, talk a bit... don't make it all personal and don't get emotional and feel rejected and slowly re-engage.

    Honestly, counseling will help both of you at that point understand the reactions... because those reactions are emotional stuff under the hood... we don't always know why we do stuff, its a reflex.

    Guys are notoriously slow at committing... they'll do everything carefree, but when it comes time to commit, they will back off... because it is a huge deal in our minds. In the girls, you are already there fantasizing about the wedding...

    Ugh... mating...

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 21

  • Sounds like you're expecting more than there is and pushing them away. Try going with the flow for awhile longer, perhaps you're needy and demanding. [shrug]

    This isn't just all guys, so if it's happening a lot to you then it's time to look within. I know that's hard for girls. LOL. There's this entitlement attitude, like you think you actually deserve something. Well you don't, you have to earn it just like everybody else.

    Having an expectation of how you think things SHOULD be is a sure way to be disappointed.

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's scaring us guys and the relationship is proceeding faster than we anticipated

    1|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      Thank you for the bit of clarity... so does it mean it's not genuine like how is it best to play this out.. why do that to someone, act like your playing house and then you switch it up but can't bare to be honest and discuss it, especially when I've known this person my whole life so we've already been friends about a decade it just recently started going past friendship this summer. Should I just not reach out and wait for him

  • Some men are not involved emotionally and dont want anything serious.
    Some men have serious issues with the very idea of commitment.
    Some men have underlying issues they are ashamed of and dont want to show to anyone.

    It's not exactly a simple thing. Not gonna lie, most just dont want anything serious. But the ones who do and still pull away have some big reasons, so I dont think you can blame them.

    0|1
    0|0
  • What exactly is in it for a guy when things get serious Vs when things aren't? I bet you've never asked yourself that question.

    There is no reason to take any girls seriously in this day and age, most of you have been around the block a hundred times before your 16th birthday.

    What's in it for us? what do you bring to the table other than sex and looks?

    There is no good reason to get serious because after a while, you will just swing to the next vine and then rinse and repeat (Hypergamy).

    Dating today leads to nothing, getting serious leads to nothing. There is nothing to get serious for because there are very few, if any women that are wife material or loyal, humble, respectable and discerning / non promiscuous enough to be the wife of a mans children.

    You can thank feminism and grrlll power for that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • For me: sometimes the process of getting to know someone is all fine and dandy, and when you actually do know them enough... you find out the attraction/connection wasn't long lasting. Or maby they aren't as compatible as you originally had hoped. Yea, I know.. it sucks. And it seems harsh. But sometimes that's the case.

    0|1
    0|0
  • one of two things.
    Some of us are assholes and just want sex and will dump you if you don't give him the succ or if you get the kinda clingy he does not look for.

    Guys like me explain that you might be moving too fast and actually want to take it slow...

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd only shut someone off if I don't want anything serious from them and yet they are acting all "jealous" or "demanding"

    0|0
    0|0
  • yeah i had many girls do this to me , they would really want to talk to me then when we reach a certain point they ghost and i find out later they have bfs, if i find a girl i wanna keep iam not gonna do that to her, but if she's not quality to begin with iam not sticking around.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know but I would actually get more into it if things got serious

    0|0
    0|0
  • fear of commitment+ desire for pussy ("i need space & freedom & time to thin about myself & my life") = abort mission

    0|0
    0|0
  • Things are moving fast? The guy is afraid of losing his freedom.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like you are projecting your issues with one guy onto a whole gender.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Why buy the milk ( woman ) when I can get the milk ( sex ) for free? In you grandpas age, we had to marry you in order to get sex. Thanks to feminism, birth control, and abortion... men AND women can have sex without commitment.

    0|0
    0|0
  • BOTH genders get cold feet , women " ghost " on men too , reliable , quality people are rare !!

    0|0
    0|0
  • We guys want as many roots as possible when we are young. We lead you on, we lead you astray, we leave. Brutally honest.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This may enlighten you to what you're experiencing with the "guys" out there...

    0|0
    0|0
  • It happens, a lot of men have subconscious commitment issues.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Lol girls are never serious it's all games

    0|0
    0|0
  • You were just dumped. He was using you for sex, and wanted nothing more. He never really cared about you.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yeah it's a shitty feeling of if there's someone I'm open to continue seeing, it's like things will get more serious and then end.

    I'm going through this right now, but the shitty thing is I found out this girl got out of a 5 year relationship after our first date. I decided to take it very slow and go with the flow but she seems to have shown a lot of interest and then completely backed off.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't feel this way. I try to move at a steady pace, trying to stay at a normal speed even when she tries speeding up.

    Look at yourself for a problem if this keeps happening to you.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...