Guys, what would you think if a female friend told you this?

Basically, I'm head over heels for my best guy friend of 8 years and I get mixed signals, I'm not sure if he has feelings but sometimes I get a vibe between us that there's something there. I don't wanna play games, I just want to know for sure without risk of miscommunication.

Would this be an okay way of asking him:

I hope this isn't awkward bringing this up, I feel like it shouldn't be because we know we'll always be friends no matter what and this is actually really normal to address between best friends like us. Basically, I'm entering a new phase of my life where I'm gonna be meeting new people with a new job and city next year, I'm really happy with who I am and I'm therefore open to being with someone in the near or distant future for the first time (both of us have never had a relationship)... and I just need to check before I can commit to someone else in the future that we could never be something more. It's cool if this has never crossed your mind, that then answers my question and tells me you're not right for me and we'll be great friends. But it would always be a big 'what if' if I didn't check and I don't want to potentially miss out on something amazing because I never found out.

Thoughts?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My thought is that you start implying that you may not have feelings but you want to know if he has any feelings for you. I think you should say, "I am at a point where I want to have a serious relationship with someone and I would like for it to be very special and amazing. I could search for a long time but there's one person close to me who I already think is a really outstanding guy and it's somebody I think is very attractive. That guy is you; if you have any interest in me, I want us to try being more than friends. But if you don't feel that way, I want us to continue being friends. I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable but it would be awful if we both wanted it and it never happened because we were afraid to talk about it."

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    • 2mo

      Yeah I see what you mean. Thanks for your advice! I'm just worried that this totally direct way would make it harder to recover our friendship if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. Should I do this in person or could I send it to him in writing? I know for sure that if it goes badly, I'll cry and it'll be so awkward and probably damage our relationship

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    • 2mo

      If it goes well, you have the potential to discover a rare treasure! Good luck!

    • 2mo

      Thanks so much for taking the time to answer, I really appreciate it! Yeah hopefully, I'm just going to do it and at least I can stop torturing myself with this.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I said something similar to a crush just a few months back (June)

    "Went something like this.. "Hey..., I never got the chance to thank you for everything/being around when my mom recently passed away. Even though I've only known you for a short period of time; you openly shared your life with me and knew exactly what to say to make me feel better when I lost her. My friends didn't know how to deal with me in situations like that.

    So I just wanted to say thanks for driving me to McDonald's at 3AM because I craved fries, for allowing me to take over your AUX on roadtrips where we'd both get lost in the desert with me and my bad direction. You're good people and for that I just want you to know I appreciate you."

    ____________________________________________________________________________

    It wasn't really a full on confession but he took it that I liked him. And he let me know that he liked me too. Before he left to go back to States (2 weeks ago) we spent a good amount of time just enjoying the remaining time we had left.

    After losing my mom, I tried to stay out of my comfort zone. Do things I'd never dare do. Life is short. Take your chance. Its a hit or miss but at least you know you tried.

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    • 2mo

      That's awesome that he liked you back! I am worried that mine is too direct... it could be awkward but it's getting to a point where our unspoken potential would haunt me forever if I don't find out. And I'm worried that the longer I take, he could meet someone else. You're right though, life is short and I just need to know.

      Do you think I could even send him that in writing instead of in person? I feel like I'd probably cry if it's not reciprocated and that would be hard to recover from with the friendship..

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    • 2mo

      Oh ok I see what you mean. I'd prefer the face to face approach but it's so scary!! I might just have to be courageous

    • 2mo

      Heyy, go big or go home ayee ;) Good luck chicka! You got this.

      Feel free to shoot me a message if you wanna talk or have questions. I gotchu.

What Guys Said 3

  • This is good. Really good. You managed to show that you care about him without it necessarily being in a romantic way, the friendship will always be there, you wanna see where it goes if there actually is something there between you two and you said you two could be amazing, so he'll be flattered anywway.

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    • 2mo

      Thanks for your opinion! Do you think it would matter if I sent it to him in writing instead? Because I'll struggle doing it face to face and I only get to see him once every few weeks. So if I chicken out or the opportunity doesn't present itself I have to wait ages for another shot

    • 2mo

      It might be better to say it face to face if you think your presence will create a bond of sorts. His reaction might not be as good as you hope tough. Remember: this takes more courage.
      It might be better to text him this if you think he'll need time to think about it. You won't be able to sway him much to give you a try tough. Remember: this takes more patience.

      Balance the choices and pick the safest way.

  • Too much text

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  • Just try it, you never know unless you do. And being friends already, I think that it would have to come from the girl rather than the guy

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    • 2mo

      Yeah that was my thinking. I kept getting frustrated because he's not pursuing me or making moves but I figured maybe he thinks he can't without it going badly...

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    • 2mo

      The issue I have is: he's one of those guys who's extremely lovely to women, a completely respectable and rare guy whose friends are mostly female. So he's very capable of being just friends with girls and I don't know if I'm just another one of those girls. People thought he was gay in school but he's not. I've been his closest friend and he mentions that I make him laugh more than everyone else and he trusts me with personal things. It's a really special bond so I'm hoping that this must mean he's developed feelings for me because I've totally fallen in love.

    • 2mo

      Well I would try it. And I think that he may try it even if it's not the exact same feeling that you have, maybe he will develop it a bit more

What Girls Said 0

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