I've never had a girlfriend and it is really getting to me mentally, how do I deal with this feeling of loneliness and valueless?

All my life I've never had a girlfriend up to my age now at 26 years old. I've been told I'm handsome, attractive, and seem to be a decent person. Yet despite this no girl seems to be interested in me or who I am as a person. It really had me questioning if I'm really worth getting to know. I've gotten girls attention from time to time in public, in school they may stare or glance, talk a little but nothing more. To add to this I've never approach a female to try to ask them out. The only time was recently I got to know this girl who was flirty for months but was just toying with me. It really hurt my confidence and now I am back to not talking to anyone and it is crushing me socially and romantically. I go through rollercoaster of emotions when I see couples in public especially my age. What am I doing wrong? Please help me I don't want to grow old alone. By the way to make matters worse everyone I grew up with all my boys are married, engaged, or dating!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm really sorry about the girl that toyed with you. It's really disheartening to be used and to hear about others being used. I hope that never happens to you again.

    I think you should ask your boys to help set you up! Their wives/fiancees/girlfriends must know some awesome girls they could set you up with that they trust. There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help with this, but if you'd rather do it on your own, you could join groups/clubs/organizations/charities/causes that you have a passion or interest for, and then you can meet others who you have that in common with.

    Don't worry about growing old alone. You're not alone. You said you have "your boys", and you may also have family. You still have a lot of time, just don't pick a girl for the sole reason of not wanting to grow old alone. You will only be happy if you're surrounded by good, kind-hearted people.

    If you feel that there are areas where you can improve, like living a healthier lifestyle, becoming more confident, etc, then you work on those areas! We're constantly evolving as people. We can't become perfect, so we never arrive at a final destination.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah thanks, I mean I try to really take care of myself. Going to the gym, wearing nice clothes, etc. And I know one of the major things I have to work on is being more positive and outgoing. a lot of times I look serious and I wonder if that what draws women away? As for the girl I try to still keep some kind of acquaintance relationship with her. I am just still pissed at the fact that she came on to me for a while and then when I work the courage to ask her out she all of sudden wants to switch on me. I know there are so many women out there who are better for me. My family and friends all say she wasn't a good fit.

    • 2mo

      Yes, taking care of yourself is important. And being more positive and outgoing is something I have to work on as well. I don't think being serious is a bad thing, just know when to loosen up and try to have fun when you can.

      I would have broken all contact with someone who did that to me, but maybe I'm being too bitter. I usually view it as what most people say, forgive, but don't forget, because it is unhealthy to hold onto that anger. And yes, there are definitely women out there who are a better fit. Like I said, you should see if your family and friends can set you up! If it's someone they know and trust, then you're already halfway there.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I am also 26 and never dated or even kissed. Seeing my classmates posting pictures on Facebook of their weddings and kids brings me lower and lower. And then my family members pushing me towards getting a girlfriend already. Ugh. One thing I like to say to myself and others in a similar situation is to go at your own pace. There is no deadline. Try to avoid comparing yourself to others or the media. It can be really hard especially if it's constantly on your mind. Here are a few things to try:
    I try to distract myself by finding something that will keep me busy. Hobbies is one of them. Plus, if your hobby involves being around people or part of a group then you can organize a meeting somewhere. Might get lucky by meeting an interesting girl there.
    Try being outside in public more often. Join groups, events, parties.
    Find your assets (the good stuff about yourself) and think about how you can use them.
    If you end up having a conversation with a girl about something then take it easy and slowly. Like others have said, time and patience plays a big role. I wish you the best.

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What Girls Said 8

  • What you just need to do is take one day at a time and not think about it. See your so obsessed with being alone that your drawing other people away from you, not the other way around. 26 is still enough time to date and get married if that is what you want. But you just need to be happy as you are and then share that same happiness and dream with somebody else, who wants the same thing you want. If not, then you'll wind up with women who will just use you and I'm sure you don't want that.

    You have to be the one to pick a girl who is worth your time. If you don't do anything, then they won't do anything.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah I mean I know that I have to be happy with myself. Thanks. I have never approach a female in that sense of asking her out, or taking any step. I've always gotten some kind of comment or sign like getting looks from the opposite sex all my life. But I have a hard time reading women to be honest. Like how do I know she is just being friendly or she is interested? I have days where everything is great and other days where I really hate life. It can be a challenge.

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    • 2mo

      So I guess the problem really is me not giving women a chance to get to know me. I do put up a barrier with people in general. I guess I have to open myself to females to let them get to know me so that relationship can grow and possibly flourish into something more? I mean a lot of people that know me closely say that I'm a great guy so I just don't get why women don't at least try to get to know me. I have no experience in dating so I'm my mind I have it that if a girl is interested she will take the initial step. Don't ask me why it is just the way my mind thinks. I just don't want to approach a female and look stupid if she is not interested.

    • 2mo

      @Asker I know the feeling, and again I understand. Its good to keep a wall up to guard your heart and mind. But only open up ever so slowly and don't allow yourself to be too vulnerable. Only shows sides of yourself you want to be seen. For not everybody is worth of your kindness and love, let alone your heart just to break it. But overall, relationships and starting one is all about taking risk. Everything in this life is. But it depends on the consequences that comes along with it, and how much this will effect your choices in the future. If its worth it, go for it, if not, don't do it. The choice is up to you. At the end of the day, you either get results or you don't. I don't have experience in dating either. But with the way people date nowadays and with the selfishness and lack of discipline including respect, I'm Celibate for a reason. Again, your not alone.

  • I can empathize. I didn't have a boyfriend til I was 21. Before that I was overweight, shy and awkward. No guys would give me a second glance (unless they took pity on me). I think you just need to be more confident and go out of your comfort zone a little bit. Ask woman out (could just be as "friends" first). Make it casual. Thats what I try to do. Then I gradually begin to flirt and see if they reciprocate. Don't get discouraged. Im sure you're an amazing guy and will find someone.

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  • Dating these days is hard. It's not something that's just going to come to you (unless it's a unique situation where a girl approaches you). Time and patience is key, and it's different for everyone. Maybe try some decent dating sites. At least with that you know those are girls looking to date. I wouldn't suggest going to clubs, bars or places like that because the girls there are just looking for attention and a good time, usually nothing serious. Maybe go to places you like as a hobby (For me I tried the library, I love books and the kind of men I was attracted to would be there too). Woman are making it hard on guys. They expect you to approach them. If you're confident enough to do that then that's a good start if not, the online scene would be better suited for you but you still must be the first to approach. PM me if you need a pen pal or more advice. :)

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    • 2mo

      Thanks I will follow you on girlsaskguys to keep in touch. One of my major problems is I literally have no experience in dating at 26! The last chick I liked was a single mom. She initially was showing a lot of interest, being touchy, flirty, so on. I asked her close girlfriend if she said anything about me and she said I was cute. So I thought in my head that meant to ask her out, I was on the fence about it. When I asked her out and then she said that she didn't seem me like that. But the past six months she seem interested. All my friends and family said that she wasn't the right one. I see that now but it still hurts that she rejected me.

    • 2mo

      Being a mom myself, I think I can see what happened with her. My frame of thinking with dating has changed after becoming a mom. When I like a guy, I like him, but will over analyze everything because he has to not only suit my needs and affects me but my child as well and so I'm extra careful of who I choose because of this reason. I think she likes you but is being cautious is my guess. As for having no experience yet, there's many people in the same boat as you. Just get out there and make an effort, it'll change. Don't be discouraged it's part of life.

  • You seem very certain that these women are not interested in you, but by your own admission you have never approached a woman to ask her out. Are you giving these women a chance to know you firstly as a person then as a love interest? Unlike the movies, most people (and many of my lady friends tell this to me about their partners all the time) don't fall in love at first sight. Women after negative experiences with men become very wary, and vice versa, of dating someone based on physical attraction alone. They want to get to know the person a little bit first as an acquaintance/friend in order to assess "is this person just being nice to get in my pants, or are they genuine and do their actions match their words?" Give yourself a chance to get to know women in a friendly capacity and when you have found someone you find meets your criteria (establish what is valuable to you in a person to make them potentially more than just a friend, have standards that you focus on being met rather than worry about whether you meet someone else's. Live up to your own standards and people will see you as someone who has integrity because you practice what you preach) then casually ask "hey do you want to get a coffee sometime?" or "I remember you wanted to see the new movie, that is coming out this weekend, would you like to see it with me and we can chat about it afterwards?". Don't ever let yourself think "this is the perfect person, if they say no then it's finished" and never put pressure to go out. Ask lightly, politely and casually and people will respond in a friendly, courteous way. If you put pressure (because you are putting pressure on yourself) then a woman will become more resistant to the idea. I've been 'toyed' with as well recently, and it took me a few months to get over it. Then suddenly I met a guy through a mutual friend in a very casual setting and it alleviated all the negative pressure. You don't want to just date anyone, you will meet people and think "maybe there is something more". Humanize the women you are attracted to rather than objectify them. It is very refreshing to be asked our interests, goals, aspirations. Be genuinely interested and practice asking questions from people you aren't interested in so that you get comfortable with asking these sorts of things also from the women you are interested in. We don't like our personhood to be forgotten when a man clearly admires us for our faces and bodies.

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  • "I've never approach a female to try to ask them out."

    Do the opposite of this until you find someone it works on.

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  • Aw!! I am 21 but I never had a boyfriend, so I definitely know where you are coming from. I can definitely relate getting jealous seeing other couples or even my friends talk about their boyfriends :/ It also doesn't help that im doing an internship in my Senior year of college. Really, I just go with the wind! Time & Patience are really the only things that will help you right now. You will definitely find someone :)

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    • 2mo

      Thanks I try to keep a positive outlook on the situation. One of my main struggles with it is just not letting negative thinking about my future get into my head. Just live life right.

  • Try initating a conversation, and asking the girls with good conversation out for some coffee or a walk.

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    • 2mo

      It is never that easy.

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    • 2mo

      Come up with your own courage. Maybe it is saying hi when you make eye contact, or going out of your way to be a pure gentlemen. :)

    • 2mo

      That can work :)

  • I'm sorry to hear a girl was toying with you, I'm sure you will find someone

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    • 2mo

      Thanks. My problem with the way she acted was that there was interest in me, but when I tried to ask her out, she all of a sudden was like I don't like you like that. I know that she is one out of millions of women on this earth, but it just put a bad taste in my mouth and I'm trying to wash it out.

What Guys Said 4

  • You've got to approach women, you're in a situation now that you don't want to be in, you've got to do whatever you can to change that. There are lots of guys like you, the ones that become successful are the ones that make an effort to change it, and you can. It's about self improvement and becoming the person you want to be. You see an attractive girl, you've got to go an approach her.. Just start a conversation, it may feel crap at first, but you're building confidence and it's a step in the right direction.

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  • Girls are passive that's why

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  • It's not the end of world. I didn't have my first girlfriend til 23. I got in a relationship with the wrong girl because I was feeling the same way you do.

    She knew she was my first and I was clueless. All she did throughout the relationship was verbally abuse me, and tell me that I'll never have anyone better than her. She tried to control my life etc.

    I'm not saying the same will happen to you. Just don't be so heart broken over it. It's clearly obvious you're insecure that you've never had a woman at your age. Women see stuff like this and play on it. Talking from experience!

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  • On the bright side most men who have had women and can get girlfriend say the majority of women are terrible and will bring more pain than happiness to you, so you aren't missing out much.

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