He is texting too much, ask him to cut it down? Good or bad?

I started seeing this guy from another department at work. It's hard to explain, but before dating, though we never discussed, it was very obvious that our feelings towards each other are more than just a work relationship. However, we never crossed the line and tried to keep things professional as he had a girlfriend who he broke up with recently.
As he became single, he asked me out on a date and the chemistry was awesome. It turned out that apart from some big issues they had in the relationship that led to the breakup, the deciding factor was actually because he was sure of his romantic feelings for me, so he decided to end the relationship not wanting to lead his ex on. We went to a couple of dates, but seeing each other almost every day at work.
I like this guy but here are a few things I don't feel comfortable with.
First, even though he has always liked me, I am afraid he still needs some time to get over the breakup, that we are dating a bit too soon. I don't want to become a rebound. He seems to be always extremely happy to be around me, and my friends, rarely brought up his breakup, but I am still afraid he isn't 'feeling' the post breakup emotions just yet.
Second, he texts me a lot, everyday and for hours nonstop until we go to sleep. Sometimes if I take a bit too long to reply as I am busy with other things, he would send another text. I feel like if we are texting too much, it may impact our real conversations and connection when we meet (not the case yet). The funny thing is, he talks a lot in person too, this man he never runs out of words to say (we enjoy our deep conversations as much as our silly no real meaning texts). I don't believe for a second he is some needy or insecure guy, but still, his overwhelming texting is worrying me.

Should I be worried about these? How do I cut him down on the texting? I don't want to hurt his feeling or for him to misunderstand my interest level. I really like him a lot.

Appreciate your thoughts!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I believe you are being quite reasonable. I also believe that you are not alone. Some people text way too much. How can you ever wonder about a person if they are in constant contact? The wondering is where the mind begins its journey of exploration.

    I also suspect people do it thinking it is a way to assure they are on the minds of the object of their affection. It also is a means of sort of tracking what that person is doing. I would nicely ask for a reduction in the amount of texts.. if he cares he will adjust.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, you're projecting worries that are unfounded. You can't be the one to assume that he might still have feelings for his ex. Rebounds are more typical when someone is broken up WITH so they find someone else to fill the void of the person who left them. In your case, he was sure about his feelings for before leaving his ex. And even if he never gets those feelings because they are filled with love and affection for you, that's not the worst thing in the world.

    You are also worrying too much about the texting thing. Most guys I've dated, we text all day every day, and it hasn't impacted our ability to communicate in person. Like you said, he just seems like a talkative guy. If the issue is that you don't have as much to say back, then you can let him know that you're a bad texter, whether it's because you have trouble holding conversations over text or are usually slow at responding, just let him know that you can be busy sometimes and might not always respond immediately.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Very simple. Say babe I love talking with you and having our silly convos and everything but we need to have a chance to miss one another. And I don't want to have to tell what I'm doing at that very moment. I kinda want life to happen so later we can talk about it. I love how open and honest we are and everything has gone so smoothly. And tell him your thoughts and worries.

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  • You need to tell him to text you a little less. Just come out and say it but make sure to be gentle though. Tell him that if he keeps doing this it will exhaust you. You shouldn't be worried but you should tell him to text you less.

    Could you answer my question.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2112691-was-i-wrong-to-ask-for-the-money-back

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  • set boundaries with the texting and explicitly say you're gonna go, and you'll talk later.
    learn to say goodbye instead of waiting for convos to fade.

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  • Stop replying. Or wait a couple of hours.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think the deeper issue here is: is he truly over his ex. You need to find the answer to that question before you invest anymore time.

    I myself am dating a man from work and I've known him for some years. We've been quite good friends over the years, I didn't have feelings for him the beginning and we both have dated other people. When we were friends we would text here and there and talk at work. He moved to a different department and now we are in a relationship we text everyday. Sometimes it's just to check in and other days we text throughout the day. I don't really mind it personally I like to be in the loop. In person we never struggle to have a conversation no matter how much we've texted. You should talk to him about it if it bothers you, I'm sure he'll understand.

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