How can I be more approachable to nice guys?

Hello! I am a 35 year old single mother of two wonderful kiddos. I have a full time professional career & I am also a part time fitness model. I am financially secure & I also have a fun, geeky side. I like to play MMO's, I collect comics & I am a huge Sci Fi Fan. I enjoy lifting but also love being active outdoors. Lol now that I've written something that sounds like a dating profile I'll get to my question. How can I come off as more approachable to nice guys? I feel like every guy that I approach says "you're too good for me" or "I feel like you're out of my league". I'm not out of anyone's league. I'm a very humble person & have my fair share of faults as everyone else. I am faithful to the end & I have a good reputation. I am tired of only being approached by egotistical, arrogant jerks. I'm not interested in that type but that seems to be the only type that are open to dating me. My question is what can I do to get a nice guy to be open to dating me. I'm 35 & I would like to find someone to grow old with but I want it to be someone that will treat me as well as I'll treat them. Thank you in advance! :-)

Updates:
2mo I was with my ex husband for 16 years. We just grew apart & ended up deciding that separation was the best option for us. I've only been single for 2 years & I don't like DB's. That's all that seem interested in me hence why I'm still single.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Often times, the more beautiful the girl, the bigger the douchebag that will be approaching her, it's cause they seem to have no fear of rejection because to them, you are just a number anyway. you'll say no, and they'll move on to the girl next to you and forget they even approached you. The nicer, more caring guys often think you're so beautiful that you are out of their league, so they don't even bother, cause they do actually care if they get rejected. Plus they tend to be more shy and approaching anyone let alone a beauty like youresef is not comfortable for them.

    My suggestion would be to try doing the approaching yourself! don't just wait for the perfect guy to approach you, cause that my not happen as evidence of your string of bad luck with the type of guys that approach you.

    And i realize I said approach about 3500 times 😳

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    • 2mo

      *evident

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    • 2mo

      that's actually very wise but conflicting because what if I'm trying to look for a girl that I want to date should I not approach her? Because now I think girls will think "hey this guy just wants to get into my pants" when I really don't and want something more

    • 2mo

      @starzcapz eventually, most girls can tell the difference from a player and a genuine guy.

What Guys Said 19

  • As a "nice guy" who regularly writes girls off as being out of my league I would say there's nothing you can do because you're not the problem, we are.

    Women seem to have this idea that, by changing what they say or do or wear, they can change the people who are attracted to them and filter the undesirables out and it's just not true. People are complex and have many reasons, conscious or not, why they desire someone and most of them you will have no control over.

    Guys like me are a perfect example of this. I'm not shy and guarded because a girl is attractive, I'm shy and guarded because I haven't exactly had an ideal life and I am the sum of my experiences. Shyness is a defense mechanism. I push away the people I want and need the most because they have the most emotional sway over me - and therefore can potentially do the most damage if they turn that against me. Of course the possibility exists that they could love me and accept me as I am exists but I give it up every time to avoid the worst case.

    The "she's out of my league" thing is just a rationalization. Reasoning that something is impossible gives you a bit of condolence about not trying for it.

    So how would you cater to that? Would you make yourself unattractive to make a guy feel you're more attainable? That's a lot to ask. Or would you pursue him relentlessly, constantly reassuring him and supporting him with little reassurance he likes you back until he comes out of his shell? That would emotionally and mentally exhausting.

    I'm not saying your ideal guy doesn't exist or that all "nice guys" have problems and aren't worth your time and effort. I'm saying a lot of us have our own internal reasons for pushing you away that are beyond your control and it's our responsibility, not yours to confront them. You can help them and reach out to them (and I have so much respect and admiration to those women who do) but you can't fight those battles for them. And you shouldn't give up or change who you are to suit their problems. Don't lose yourself to gain someone else.

    You seem like lovely girl and I'm sure whatever guy you do end up with will be very lucky. Just be who you are.

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  • You sound (and look) like such a catch that it can almost be intimidating to a nicer, quieter, non DB guy. Like you're almost too good to be true. Maybe they assume there's no way someone like you would be interested in them, so they don't even bother?

    Do you feel you come across as friendly or kind of standoff-ish? If it's the latter, maybe that's what's causing the problem. I think if you smiled and gave off a friendly vibe even the nicer guys would go out of their way to say hello to you. I'd be first in line :)

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  • Be a nice person and approach guys with these characteristics: www.gurl.com/.../#1 and thoughtcatalog.com/.../

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  • My guess is take the bull by the horns and ask a guy out. Its probably not as easy if you were younger cuz a lot of guys are married at 35 compared to 25 ya know? So watch for a ring or a tan line of one haha. I wouldn't recommend any of those dating sites. From what I've heard beautiful women like yourself get way too many messages and it becomes a chore rather than something you wanna do. Ask some friends to set you up maybe. Stay out of bars and clubs which I think you already are out of that life.

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  • You sound so perfectly tailored for a certain type of guy that i'm a little suspicious as to your authenticity.

    Anyway, the crux of the problem is that you expect them to approach you and it's not going to happen. You get approached by confident men because that's what confident men do, unless they do something bad it's probably best you don't go labelling them DB's or whatnot.

    If you want the shy 'nice guy' you dont need to BE approachable you need to approach them.

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  • Your looks are DEFINITELY intimidating most guys essentially filtering out the ones you're looking for.
    You're gonna' have to do the approaching here. A pay dating site might actually work well for you. Don't bother using the free ones, they're mostly for hookups really (ie POF, Tinder...).
    The kid thing shouldn't be an issue really. If you're our age and have a rigid "no kid" dating requirement, that's ridiculous.

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  • You're super attractive but the way you dress (if your picture is any indication) won't attract a nice guy. Try something a little more modest.

    Also, as sa230e said, most of us will assume because you're physically out of our league that you'd have no interest in us. You might have to take the initiative and approach one yourself.

    That aside, dating sites are your friend. Shy guys are often on there because it's easier to talk to a woman when we're not face-to-face.

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  • 2 wonderful "kiddos" insta waifu mode, hell nah ur a pretty woman but ur out of my generation. you get approached by jerks cause jerks have the guts to talk to women without thinking of an outcome that might hurt their ego. approaching is equal to making yourself vulnerable and shy guys like to keep in the safe spot rather.
    how to solve this problem, I feel like you just wait and fish a good one inside of that pot filled with the "assholes".
    not all shy guys are good guys aswell, self destructive behavior is common in our kind and it can be hurting for both sides so if you find a shy guy with some self worth you can say he's worth a try but problem: usually won't approach you so you better give more hints

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  • First you need to define "nice guy." There's a wide range. Then what characteristics / personality. This could go on and on.

    BTW:
    cdn.gifbay.com/.../...ood_wolf_eyes_pop-113810.gif

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  • I think one of the main difficulties is that the nicer guys want a family (including having their own biological kids) and at your age and the time it takes them to be attached enough to a person to want kids with them, they may feel like it would be too late.

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  • Just smile and say hi.

    If they dislike that kind gesture.

    Then they're gay or just not that into you.

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  • You are intelligent, attractive, and you know who and what you want. Go for it. Don't wait for a guy you fancy to approach you; take it to him, but sensitively and subtly, just not too subtle.

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  • Are you conscious that the "nice guys" look "average" and you probably won't be attracted physically to them? @Jadeow1981

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  • the problem is when guys see a woman with luxury clothins and talks with class they will get intimated
    moreover no offense the kids : to most men they are a reponsability
    also your age 35 it brings the question to men if she is so good why didn't any guy get her?

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  • as far as im concerned you just need to move to england x

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  • You need a young guy like me @Jadeow1981 to be your mentor

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  • Join a dating site. You should have success there.

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  • Well for most guys a single mother is a red flag. Unless the husband died and it's different story. Not saying it's your kids fault. I'm sure they are okey.

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  • what is DB's forgive the ignorance?

    why don't you date a bad boy like most women here like that.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Girl, when you figure it out. let me know lol
    I've mostly asked out shy guys and they seem scared of women or something.

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  • Listen, it's not about who you attract, it's who you entertain.

    At 35 years old, you should be able to smell the losers/fuckboi a mile away.

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    • 2mo

      I can! That's why I would like to attract the nice guys. Hence why I'm still single.

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