Some backstory - we met online and we've dated for 3 months so far. We both said we were looking for something long term and we really liked each other. We slept together about a month ago. He's shared a lot of deep stuff with me he hasn't told many people apart from close friends/family (health issues, family issues etc) and I've met his friends and family. We've never had the exclusivity talk, which is fine, as I like things to progress naturally, because you kind of "know" when you're at that stage. I thought everything between us was moving gradually in that direction, until he told me he'd been on a few dates with this girl he knew.
He didn't seem phased by admitting it, as we weren't "official." He was surprised by my reaction, and said that I was clingy.
Technically he's right in today's dating world, but morally it feels like a punch in the gut and simply cheating. Call me oldfashioned, but I always date one person at a time. He should of told me early on if he was open to playing the field until exclusivity, as to which, I would not have dated him. I do NOT want to date someone I'm also sleeping with, who could be sleeping with other girls.
So my question is, are his actions acceptable?
I think I've left out some vital information :S less than two months ago, the guy went through an awful time with some family health issues and work circumstances. At the time, he gave me the opportunity to walk away if the stress became too much, especially so early when dating someone... but I stood by him, clearly explaining I wasn't interested in dating anyone else.
Most Helpful Guy
Technically you two weren't exclusive, but on the other hand it's been 3 months and, call me old fashioned but, when both people indicated they wanted a long term relationship in the beginning, they shouldn't need explicit confirmation of exclusivity just so the other won't sleep around.
I can understand why you're upset and you being upset answers your question: no, his actions are not acceptable for a guy who wants to date, they could be acceptable for a guy who dates some girl who is fine with all this, but it's not acceptable in your case.5
Most Helpful Girl
I would be bothered by it too. Especially if things seemed to be moving in that direction.
This is the unfortunate reality of dating in today's world. Many people see the dating pool as a smorgasbord of sex and other options. They may not feel they are doing anything wrong. You two weren't officially exclusive. But I can see why you would have felt that way as he was introducing you to friends and family and sharing personal stuff with you.
I think you have every right due to these factors:
- You guys dated for 3 months
- Both have indicated you want something long-term
- He's introduced you to family and friends and shared personal stuff with you
I think you need to walk away from this guy. He obviously doesn't respect you. Calling you clingy, for simply feeling a little hurt is not someone I would want to date. I think he's just trying to brush off any responsibility for making you feel like things were more serious than they were.
Most of my friends never had to have the talk with their guys about being exclusive. They just kind of mutually decided at some point without really discussing it.
However, like yourself, I have been burned in one of these types of situations before. So now I make a point to ask where we stand and whether we are exclusive or not. Some people think it's weird but then I just explain to them the situation I have been in the past and they understand.
I think this guy doesn't respect you. But there's not much you can do about that now. My advice is next time have the conversation with him and do not assume. Assumptions only create these types of situations. You have every right to want an exclusive relationship. But understand that people now a days are not always upfront about what they do.
I would personally walk away and find someone who is wanting the same things as you. I know it's hard, because he said he does want the same things as you. But there's really not much you can do. You can only rely on what the person tells you and their actions.
Best of luck next time!4