If the girl you are dating asks you "What do you like about me?" could you answer?


I'm 24 year old uni student and have been seeing this guy (29 yo) for over a month now, met through tinder. We have so much chemistry and we feel like we have known each other for a very long time. He feels like he has met me through a past life and I am convinced that he is my soul mate. We have talked about exclusivity and we both aren't seeing anyone else. He always makes plans to meet up with me, and talk about future plans together. He is also happy to move his plans with his friends just so I could stay over this Saturday. He brought me wine tasting once and he wants me to experience all the things that he likes (e. g. type of movies, restaurant, whiskey).

We have only been on 7-8 dates but we became really physical by the 3rd date. I could feel that he was really into me as I was into him, and the moment felt right. After we had sex again a few dates later we cuddled and I decided to ask him, "What do you like about me?". He couldn't really answer and paused for awhile. Then he said, "I like you but I don't know why exactly... I feel like we get along really well and you are a nice person all around".

I read in a book that says a guy should be able to answer what he likes about you if he is serious in committing into a relationship with you. I see so many great qualities and traits that I like in him and it is important to look beyond physical attraction, sex, and chemistry. So it's like, I feel he is an incredible man and adds great value to my life but what is he doing with me if he can't list one thing he likes about me? Could it be just for sex? He holds my hand in public and we already behave like a couple, just haven't had the "What are we" talk yet. He did say after our second date that I am not a fling but he is not ready to be in a full on relationship with me yet, as he needs to get to know me more.

So, should I be worried or am I thinking too much?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been asked this question before, too, and it really bowls you over. It's like, what does she really want to know here? Is it about her ability to have a conversation? Is it about her appearance? That *she* likes *me*? That we have a lot in common? Her kindness? Her sense of humor? That she shows interest in things I like? All these things can be seen as shallow if you take them individually. He knows that and it might be what makes him reluctant to answer. The real answer is that the whole package is more than the sum of the parts.

    So I wouldn't base the entire future of your relationship on one time when you put him on the spot and he was caught off guard. Aren't there occasions where you know something implicitly, and then you struggle to find words if someone asks you about it? He sounds like a decent guy; nothing in your description warns of asshole behavior the way so many women's questions here do. He continues to see you after having sex, defers seeing his friends for you, and wants to show you what he's passionate about. He clearly likes you for you!

    If it's really important to you that he passes this "test", give him time to think about it. Maybe let him put it in writing. But pushing too hard on this point could be a turn off, too.

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    • 2mo

      Thats true, anyone can have a sense of humor or kindness- doesn't mean you like them enough to date them. I guess he was being completely honest as to how he feels, which is better than making shit up to please me, which is what a player would do to get in my pants in the short term. Contrariwise, it's hard to convey to others why you feel the way you feel about someone, most of the times that connection/attraction comes naturally.

      Thank you so much for your help and prompt responses- and for that, i believe you deserve MHO.
      Have an awesome day

    • 2mo

      You too. Thanks for MHO. Much luck in love!

What Guys Said 3

  • The book you read is stupid. That's like asking someone do you like pizza? What do you like about it? I don't know why I like the things I like. I just know that I like them.

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  • "that you let me put my peniz in your vagina"

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What Girls Said 2

  • Honestly, I feel like a lot of guys are pretty clueless in this department. When asking that question, I feel like it strikes fear in a lot of men because they probably have no idea why they like you. It's disappointing but from talking to guys, I'm not exactly sure what they see in some of their gfs. Or if they even see anything and aren't just in it for some sex and some companionship.

    I know that's a terrible opinion to have. But from my experience, I don't have a lot of faith in relationships. At least not in the beginning. I think over time guys figure out that their girlfriend is a good person, that she does things for them and makes their lives somewhat easier. But I don't think they could really tell you what it was that they loved.

    Some guys can, and those who can are very special. But I've been in relationships where I've done so many special things. Like breakfast in bed, and cooking nice dinners for a boyfriend, with dessert. I've supported them through a lot of hard times (ie. job loss, death of a sibling). And I've asked that same question "What do you like about me" and I'm met with an "I dunno... I guess you're nice?".

    It's disheartening to me that they can't give me an actual answer and just go with the "You're nice" default answer. Anyone can be nice, but what makes me special? Is what I really want to know.

    Maybe I'm just asking too much. But I think it's a good question to ask. But I don't think you will really get a good answer from anyone. Maybe the odd guy would be able to tell you in detail what he loves about you. But most guys I don't think really think about things in that way.

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    • 2mo

      I think at this point, you are looking too deep into things. I'm sure he isn't even thinking much further than the next date. I think you should wait it out. If he wants to be your boyfriend, things will move in that direction. If they're not, then maybe you need to re-evaluate where things stand. Don't wait for things to change to a relationship forever. If you aren't happy where things are, then leave him and find someone who will want to be in a relationship with you.

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    • 2mo

      @qwertyKitchen I agree with you that a question like that definitely puts a person on the spot. I can see why a guy might panic at being asked such a direct question. I guess what I would be looking for in that situation is acknowledgement that I am special to him and not just someone who he sees occasionally. From my experience (and I've had some bad ones) it seems like people are willing to use a person. It's not so much the people who are outright, i can pick up on that. It's the people who do it subtly that get you hooked and then manipulate you. I had a boyfriend once who told me that the only reason he kept seeing me for so long (we were together for 2 years) was because I kept talking to him. He never asked me to stop once.

      I guess I just worry about being used or taken for granted in relationships.

    • 2mo

      Being used and taken advantage of is awful. I can see how a boyfriend's response could be an indication of his maturity and level of seriousness.

      Much happiness to both of you!

  • He is only sleeping with you. I'm pretty sure most people who sleep together after a while know if they want a relationship and not. And if he tells you he doesn't know if he wants to be in a committed relationship with you but sleeps with you anyways then, congratulations you just became his friends with benefits.
    Good luck

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