Do I have a right to be pissed off?

I'm seeing this guy, we're like an it's complicated friends with benefits. But anyway, at the start of the year I asked him if he was seeing anyone else because he wasn't treating me like he usually did and to that (to my face) he said no.

i know find out that he was in fact seeing another girl which means he lied to me and he didn't use condoms with her either while he wasn't using them with me.

a month ago he found out he has herpes, I'm clean thank god but do you reckon I can be pissed off about this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well obviously. The problem is, the relationship by its very nature, I would imagine, is one of convenience. ie lacking trust, intimacy, true communication. You're just using each other for sexual gratification, by definition. If that is the case, then haven't you been a little naive? Also, were there signs that maybe you should have spotted?

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    • 2mo

      That's the thing, we go on dates, I have dinner with his parents even though he lives out of home, we hang out and not have sex. We're very comfortable with each other that we're passed friends with benefits but not wholly.

    • 2mo

      The whole thing is a joke though, isn't it? I mean, he endangered you with his reckless behaviour and misled and lied to you. Presumably you want a proper relationship, and what, he doesn't want it? But yeah, I really think it's important you assess your own behaviour here, and how it led to the situation you're in. You imply you want to continue with him, when he's done all that...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Isn't that basically what friends with benefits is? You have sex with each other with no strings attached, and becuase there are no strings attached, you and even he are allowed to have other multiple partners. He doesn't have to be strictly committed to you. Plus, you said it was kinda complicated, so that tells me you guys weren't officially in a relationship, but just kind of fooling around without really know what you guys are. If you were looking for a full relationship, then that was a red flag you missed.

    Now, does it suck that he lied about it? Yeah. If that was one of the conditions that you'd rather have this thing between you and he, and he broke that deal, yeah, I'd be pissed.

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    • 2mo

      I agree. I definitely think part of this is allowing oneself to be in such a loosely defined relationship in the first place. Undoubtedly, the guy is a dick, or at least, has behaved dickishly. But it would be folly to ignore the own part we played, and the responsibility we have, for going down this road, and what ultimately materialised.

What Guys Said 5

  • Absolutely. He lied about not seeing another girl to keep your friends with benefits going and looks like he got what he deserved huh?

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    • 2mo

      He put my health at risk and lied to me, I find it really inconsiderate. I really like him and want to stay though

    • 2mo

      Now you know he can't really be trusted. I'm not sure I would want to stick around with this kind of person who's very deceitful and maybe a compulsive liar

  • Yeah you do.

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  • Of course you can he should tell you if he is seeing other women so you can get him to get her to get checked out.

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  • Why shouldn't you be mad about it

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    • 2mo

      Because we aren't "official" I don't know if I have the right to be mad, but it seems like I do?

    • 2mo

      So he didn't officially almost give you an incurable disease?

  • That's messed up. How'd you find out?

    I had a very similar situation last week and found out in a very disturbing way.

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    • 2mo

      He let it slip that earlier in the year he was seeing someone... probably didn't remember how upset I got about it

    • 2mo

      Wow. Sorry to hear that.

      With my situation, there was this girl I was seeing for a little over a month and last week she invited me to her place and things were going great till we had sex at the end and I found an empty condom wrapper in her bed that was just laying there and not mine. I didn't even say anything but she knew I saw it and was like heh that's trash.

    • 2mo

      Still had sex and then had no contact for a few days. She ignored me the first time, then the 2nd time I called her then she texted me 10 hrs later saying I'm not interested in pursuing this. As if it was my fault I found it.

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