Do you think dating someone on the rebound is dangerous?

And by dangerous i mean mentally. I've had some shit luck when it comes to dating. The two times I've felt closest to a relationship, where i thought it was mutual, it ended abruptly.

The worst part was I had a ton in common with and clicked with them on many levels. When you have positive interaction and enjoy doing things together, it can overshadow anything negative. I also was blown away by these people and got attached early, which rarely happens.

I'm a person who doesn't look for problems if no red flags exist. But the first girl who rebounded on me, I didn't know what a rebound was and how they worked. The first one complained about her ex and I felt bad for her. Then she wanted me to trash talk her ex and I didn't like it. She kept on showing lots of interest and then once I showed interest back, she ditched me and went back to the ex she complained about. It fucked me up for months and I felt like I was on the rebound as I dated a girl a few months over her and realized I wasn't over the one who rebounded on me.

The most recent one, I even had a ton more in common with and was even more attractive. Not to put her on a pedestal but it felt like we'd known each other for a long time. We even made out to one of my favorite bands
After our first date, she told me she just got out of a 5 year relationship. I got worried because having been rebounded a couple years ago, I told myself Id never do that. She didn't complain about the ex but acted hot and cold. Like she'd text and hit me up through social media but would never ask to hang out till a few weeks later then she started hitting me up more and I felt closer.

Then last week I found out something fucked up and she ditched me. It really screwed me up because I felt led on and even though I proceeded with caution, I still got fucked over. What made it worse was how much we had in common. If it was someone I didn't care about, it wouldn't have bothered me. I felt like a psycho for being depressed.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to be on guard!
    Ask questions!
    I did.
    Do you love me more than your ex? If yes, dump. If no, tell them never talk about their ex again.
    Would you ever get back with an ex if you could?
    If yes, dump them.
    If no, tell them to never ever talk about their ex again.
    Do you really like me? If not, dump them.
    If yes, don't ever cheat on me. If you do, I will never forget it and be so angry with you.
    I can't think of anything else but yay, being a rebound sucks. I think I was a rebound even though she dumped him six years ago. She was his first and he was in love.

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    • 2mo

      Those are good questions to ask, but shouldn't be asked until it's official and I was never official with these 2 on the rebound.

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    • 2mo

      That's good... just forgive and realize that she helped you learn to be careful next time. Another thing is you never have to have that happen with her again

    • 2mo

      Yeah I didn't know about the condom thing until I saw it. Aside from her acting hot and cold occasionally, I had no way to suspect anything like that.

      I'm the type who doesn't look for problems if there's none present.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I know the feeling let a few girls get Menough that way too which is why with situations like that you don't put to much of your self out there evaluate the girl and the whole situation take it slow see where her head is at first.

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    • 2mo

      Oh I was taking it slow and didn't put myself out there too much with girl #2 recently. I was still cautious and had a few reservations but the biggest issue with her is once she started showing more interest in me, she invited me to her place the last time we saw each other and we had sex at the end, but right before it, I saw an empty condom wrapper laying in her bed that wasn't mine.

      Didn't say anything because we weren't official but she knew I saw it. Then she ditched me. That's the part that really got me.

What Girls Said 11

  • Anyone on the rebound is probably in one of the most vulnerable states at that moment in time. I believe you can tell by conversation if the person is over an ex or not. Tread lightly, because an unstable heart (male or female) can sure mess with the other "new person"... Sometimes the person on the rebound doesn't even see how they could hurt someone else, it ls like not seeing the forest for the trees, because all they care about is using that person to "hurt" the ex factor... best of luck

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    • 2mo

      Well sometimes even if someone newly single, they may not complain or mention the ex, but another red flag is them acting hot and cold. You feel dragged along and on the edge because this person may act like they're really into you one day then want nothing to do with you the next day or sometimes within the same day.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah exactly and people say just move on, get over it, there's others out there and while those are true. Getting over something like that isn't as easy by just flipping a switch. If it was, I would have done that right away.

    • 2mo

      What I wonder is how I screwed up and causes this girl to lose interest. The last week before we last saw each other she was hitting me up to hang out more and invited me to her place the last time we saw each other, but before we had sex, I found an empty condom wrapper on the bed that wasn't mine and I didn't say anything but she knew I saw saw it and brushed it off. She then ignored me and then a few days later said I'm not interested in pursuing this once I tried calling her.

  • it can b. they are emotionally vulnerable and u never kno how things will turn out. u might end up getting hurt... or having them commit to u and then later regretting it.
    just b careful nd move slow...

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    • 2mo

      I was careful and took it very slow but still got ditched.

  • Only if you're a basketball.

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  • Yes, because in the end you end up getting hurt. That is what happened to me recenlty and I'm still a big mess. I still want to be with him but he is telling me he doesn't want to be with me, but i think in time he'll want me back. he's begging for me to have sexual relationship with him.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah I'm talking to other women right now and got a date set up for tomorrow though I'm still hurt from the girl who rebounded on me most recently. I was led on and we had sex but found out lame shady shit by her through a messed up discovery.

      It's worse when you date someone on the rebound and you have more in common with them compared to most people and enjoy doing similar things. I mean I know she was physically attracted to me, but it made me wonder if there's something about my personality she didn't like which caused her to ditch me.

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    • 2mo

      but thats the thing though. It was covered up in the bathroom trash can. Maybe sex is all sh wanted. Its hard to say though

    • 2mo

      Yeah but the fucked up thing was she asked me to go to this fest with her the next weekend and then ignored me until she told me she wasn't interested anymore. I ended up seeing her at the fest walking by with other people.

  • Yes. Basically, they are using you as a temporary 'treatment'

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    • 2mo

      Yeah and you feel like you were tossed aside like a sack of garbage when they ditch you for the ex or someone they consider better.

    • 2mo

      The second guy is just an option just in case their ex doesn't contact them back. I have been there before.

    • 2mo

      Yep and I was clearly just an option as well.

  • Yes. I've done it and it killed me inside. You need time to yourself. It's important to find yourself after a relationship.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah and that's the sad thing about people who rebound, they feel that they always need someone whether it's a relationship or just sex of they feel alone.

      These people also tend to judge others who are single or aren't constantly getting laid.

  • It hurts mentally if you are the rebound. If you are the person using someone as a rebound, it helps move on from the person beforehand. I would avoid being the rebound or wait until a girl is fully ok with being single before going for her.

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    • 2mo

      It sure does. You feel like everything they said to you was a lie or just a way to manipulate you out of their own selfishness. Problem was I didn't know this girl was recently single until after we started seeing each other and I had feelings for her so I decided to take it slow and be cautious but still got led on and screwed over.

  • Yes it is dangerous... there's no point in dating with someone if you haven't got a clear mind..

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    • 2mo

      I also think that when you date someone on the rebound and they ditch you, you end up in their shoes by dating someone to get over them.

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    • 2mo

      How it ended was really messed up though and I don't even know the real reason.

    • 2mo

      I can imagine. .😊

  • You need to ask questions before you fall.

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    • 2mo

      Well I felt a connection very early on but I didn't wanna seem too readily available for her because of her getting out of a 5 year relationship recently. I liked her so I took it very slow, played it cool if she was busy/distant. It worked until the end.

  • Well, it's sad and unfortunate... I really feel for you...
    I think girls like to chase unavailable guys in general. If I meet a nice guy and he is too into me immediately I lose interest. I recognize that he is super nice and would be great for me but I just can't help it... The connection is gone.
    It's better to be a little unavailable when you are just starting a new relationship, I don't think it matters if it's a rebound or not.
    It sucks playing games but it works, in my opinion

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    • 2mo

      Being nice is irrelevant. It's just a matter of not having your feelings fucked with. Girl #2 invited me to her place the last time we saw each other and before we had sex at the end, i found an empty condom wrapper that wasn't mine on the bed, didn't say anything about it, but she ended up ditching me.

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    • 2mo

      So you are doing the right things... Maybe date more girls at once as well... I know it can be hard but it makes things easier in the beginning until she really falls for you... It's just you don't want to be crushed like that every time

    • 2mo

      Generally I do that. And in fact I was seeing another girl when I had my first date with her till that fell through. It was tough because I felt such a strong connection with her that I had a hard time deciding whether just to focus on her or keep my options open till that situation happened.

      And believe me it's very rare that I feel a connection with someone like that early on. Not to put her on a pedestal.

  • Aww man, some people are selfish cunts.
    Just don't take it personal.

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    • 2mo

      Funny you say the word cunt. Most women I know are appalled by that word.

      Well from my perspective it's not just being rebounded but my overall bad luck with dating. I've been able to get lots of dates, flings, and hookups but no relationships and after awhile it can really fuck with you. It's like once things seem to get serious, it goes downhill.

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    • 2mo

      Yep, it's very easy for people to put up a front, especially in the early stages of dating.

      Yeah that's true. I'm not too picky at all, but if I'm not physically attracted to them or if they're too boring to me then it won't work out. I'm not just gonna settle either. You should date someone because you want to, not because it's expected of you by society or to feel normal.

      Even though it's a double standard where a guy who gets a lot of women is a stud, numbers don't mean shit. Sometimes you can still feel lonely when you feel like you're constantly starting over in the dating process, like date someone till it ends, repeat and the cycle continues.

    • 2mo

      I mean there's nothing wrong with casual sex, flings, and hookups but if that's all you're getting, it can get old after awhile. It's like having no best friends and only acquaintences. Nothing wrong with having acquaintences but you can't rely on your acquaintences like your best friends and there's no substance.

What Guys Said 3

  • Why were you waiting for #2 to ask to hang out? You should have been asking her out on dates.

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    • 2mo

      I forgot to add, due to lack of space, that I was asking her out between our first 2 dates, once a week and she'd say she's busy or can't and wouldn't reschedule. So I gave her some space and then she started asking me to hang out.

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    • 2mo

      Oh I took it slow as possible and I didn't make any talk about being exclusive or anything. I did like her but I hid it.

    • 2mo

      And the issue isn't really that she was playing the field. I just felt disgusted that she left that there for me to see considering she invited me over. Even if you're not exclusive, and you're multi dating/multi fucking/hooking up, you still don't tell others you're seeing about it let alone leave evidence behind for them to see.

      I mean imagine if I was fucking two girls in a short period of time and one of them found a used condom in my bed that was from someone else.

  • Yes it always is.

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    • 2mo

      Have you been rebounded before?

  • Yes, I do think so.

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