How do you get over bullying? and start dating?

My whole life I was bullied and told I wasn't pretty, there was a time one guy said he rather kill himself than be with me. and it has made me very insecure. I no longer believe in compliments and every single time a guy says something nice to me. All I think is that they're just making fun of me or it's a prank. what should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When I come up with an answer I will let you know. I got bullied constantly, and my dad was a "blackout rage" kind of guy. I'd get pummeled constantly.

    Add to that I think just about every girl screaming at me over the tiniest things, that makes a lot of anxiety to this day.

    Any compliment I tend to hear is mostly about my work. I can usually separate it hat and accept it with a thank you. But it's rare when it's about things outside of work... And it IS usually meant as a prank or to butter me up to get something, so I've learned not to trust it. I just say thanks, but I watch for the hidden meaning which usually comes very soon after the "compliment."

    I'm only slightly confrontational about it to friends or my mom. I try not to be nasty, but I'm honest about Not accepting some token line or biased fake compliment because you're a friend who has to say it to not come across as a jerk...

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    • 2mo

      I'm sorry and I hope you're okay. I understand what you're going through, every single time I get a compliment I feel like it's a joke or a bet and then they'll laugh.

    • 2mo

      In my case, except a few friends and family, it's always been a joke at my expense, a bet, or something phony... maybe twice it wasn't any of those. Maybe I was thinking it was directed at me but wasn't. Even with girlfriends, those compliments never seemed real, especially since they were rare, and it would be followed up with them wanting favors.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I faced something similar growing up and it still has an effect on me in dating. I strongly recommend finding a therapist to see. I have found that has helped more than anything. Also daily affirmations where you counter everything in your head. Every morning get up and repeat things such as "I am worthy of being loved"

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    • 2mo

      Thank you! I'm thinking on finding a therapist because I even have nightmares of all the bullying I had. even my girl classmates made fun of me and bullied me my whole life in school. I know it shouldn't affect me this much but it does. and it just makes me feel unworthy of love.

    • 2mo

      It sucks and you'll have to work at it every day but over time your mind does change and it will get easier!

    • 2mo

      @shygal11489 thank you for your words! I hope I change and it gets easier.

What Guys Said 21

  • First bullying is rough and I know first hand how hard it can be on a person it wasn't until I met my life partner that I started to get over my insecurities and it is still a struggle. That being said opportunities have to be allowed to the new people in your life. If you don't have anyone you can trust in your life dress up put on what ever makeup you feel the most comfortable in (this could be none at all if you don't like makeup) and walk around a shopping center. You can usually tell the general reaction to the public based on the looks you get and any spontaneous reactions you get where someone stops you to tell you they like your hair or your jeans are 99% of the time honest.

    I mention this last part just because you were bullied if the only reactions you see in the general public are disgust then you should seek professional medical help you could be suffering from a psychological disorder caused by long term abuse

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    • 2mo

      I'm going to try this, I never thought of this. Thank you. and I'm glad that you got over your insecurities :)

    • 2mo

      I hope it helps and if you learn anything from reading through the opinions know that you aren't alone in this struggle. It is a constant of our generation. As you get more out there into the world you will find people who not only support you but that you will want to support in turn. Eventually these demons of your past will still make you cringe but you will know that as bad they are they are a foundation of a stronger you that was worth building.

  • Well, you're definitely not ugly. Just be approachable to guys, the most important thing is to smile and laugh, and if they ask for your number or ask you out just go along from there. Most guys will be willing to do almost all the work in courting as long as you show them you're into them and having a great time.

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  • Sounds to me like some symptoms of ptsd. This reminds me of how some war veterans have flash backs to when they were on the front lines that was triggered by a loud sound that sounded like a gun shot, so it was as if they were there again.

    I think a lot of people can relate to your situation. There is a saying that goes "when you forgive someone it sets you free" because holding a grudge is like poison to the brain. Hope this might help.

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    • 2mo

      I've never thought of that. I do feel like I'm holding a grudge and I just can't seem to get over it, it has affected me so much. Thank you! I'll look more into it.

    • 2mo

      Yea don't let them effect your happiness

  • I been a severe bullied victim in school. How i got over it was just go with the flow i know how you feel cause i see myself. The only thing you can do is just open your heart up but we all got do something and that is stop building walls to block people from coming into our life's. Best Wishes

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    • 2mo

      Thank you so much for this. It's really hard for me because all I think about is the bullying and I'm thinking on going to therapy because it affects my self steem a lot. again thank you.

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    • 2mo

      I just saw this, sorry for the late reply. yeah I'm going to start therapy because I've graduated high school but the bullying still haunts me and I wish it would just go away. Thank you so much for your words and again sorry for the late reply.

    • 2mo

      Your so welcome :) Glad to be of help for you. Hope things get better for you.
      Yes i think therapy helps us if are able to get our self to go. I know things haven't
      been easy i use to go to Middle School scared everyday cause i knew them bullies
      would be there it was horrible and haunted me too. High school wasn't all that bad
      got little better but girls would tease me like they liked me and it was just cruel stuff.
      But i wish you well i hope things get better cause we all need a life to know we can
      now leave our past behind us. Plus i had issues with my dad not being there for me
      and he was no father figure he would drink and it would upset me. There is new
      beginnings for all of us and timing will be right some day. We got tell our self yes
      it will be better.

  • bullies are assholes and nothing else. they must be jealous of you thats why they hate you. judging by your profile picture you look pretty beautiful and gorgeous to me

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  • Neglect those who are bullying you. Concentrate on those who are good to you. But you should start dating again. best of luck.

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  • Wow, where do you live where people go around telling people what they think of their physical appearance?

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  • You shouldn't care tbh
    And as much I can see if that's you in the pic then you're cute and you've have lovely eyes so you should chill and be confident for who you are 💁

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    • 2mo

      Yeah that's me. I wish it was so easy not to care but all I can think of is about how ugly and unworthy of love I am.

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    • 2mo

      Thank you so much!

    • 2mo

      What for?

  • I was just like 'fuck the bullies'

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  • Just say, "Fuck those people". They're not worth your time anyway.
    And by the way, they must be blind or retarded or something, because you're very pretty.

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    • 2mo

      Thank you! I wish I had that attitude , but my self esteem is so low.

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    • 2mo

      All right. If you need anything else, just message me.

    • 2mo

      Will do! :) just followed you. Thanks

  • It will take you time and effort admitting what is worng and how u feel its the first step
    Now started to have more male friends maybe with time they will change your view on dating

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  • I mean I don't know you don't even look ugly to me, I mean what you have to come to realize is that people are assholes.

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  • Learn to live with it and just stay single. That's worked for me.

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  • C'mon you're not ugly.. Ugly is what my face is but you are a princess <3

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    • 2mo

      Thanks! but it's honestly hard to believe when all the guys around you have called you ugly ever since you were in 1st grade.

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    • 2mo

      Oh I thought it was something bad

    • 2mo

      nah nah

  • Trust me , you are not ugly you are the opposite of it.

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  • lol what
    hun if thats your pic you are not ugly
    you look fine

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  • Compliment yourself look in the mirror at the beautiful person you are let that long time hurt go and accept a guysing compliment possibly compliment back and you never where that could go. People will have opions all of life but none of it matters when it's random who mean nothing to your life.

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  • Ignore them. I've been going through constant sexual harassment and assault, bullying and rape accusations when I told my class I was raped by a girl. I also deal with clinical depression. This also happened very recently. But I still have a supportive girlfriend who I will move out with when I'm financially stable. If all the guys at your school are rude and are bullies. Then I don't think you should date right now. I deal with the opposite of you. Most girls try and hit on me. Get in my way. Punch me or slap me because I can't do anything to them because I'll most probably get suspended. If they try and push you or punch you I recommend talking to people that support you.

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    • 2mo

      Are you okay? I'm sorry that happened to you. if you ever feel like talking about it, feel free to message me. and thank you so much for your advice. X

  • just start saying thank you and smile. i think your pretty, id date you.

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  • You don't. Getting laid is easy. Use that anger to transform yourself into a beast.

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