How do you get closer to a shy guy?

And when I say shy, I mean CRIPPLINGLY shy. There's a guy at my dorm who I find REALLY attractive- and from what little contact I've had with him, he seems really nice!
But he is CRIPPLINGLY shy. He doesn't talk all that often, and just kind of keeps to himself. He's very soft-spoken, and he looks at me a lot, to the point where I actually thought he was scared of me!! (He gets that deer-in-headlights look when I catch him), and yet, if he's scared of me, I hardly think he'd want to study together (though that's a bit of a stretch- we're just typing silently in the same room together) or hold the door open for me and go out of his way to do little things for me.

Aside from his best friend, I've been told that he speaks to me the most (and that's not very much!)

he honestly seems so lovely, and I'd love to get to know him better. How do I go about this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I was really shy, almost crippling too. I can totally relate. Ok, he will never initiate with you. He will never be able to overcome that shyness barrier. This means you have to do the initiating. You have to work this up gradually. Saying hi and small talk are great ways to break the ice. Every time he talks to you his heart rate will quadruple, his Adrenalin will skyrocket and he will likely hyperventilate if he tries to talk to you. These all feel terrible so he will want to avoid it which means avoid you. Don't let this confuse you with him being not interested. He is. He wants to be with you, wants to talk to you! It will just take time for him to calm down. This will take several encounters over the course of a few weeks or so. Every time he will calm down sooner and sooner and it won't be so bad. Even just walking together to class and not talking will help gain his confidence and comfort level. Each step of the way you will have to make the first move. Again, because he is shy, his experience is limited to nil, so he won't know what to do and will act awkward. This doesn't mean he doesn't like you, so don't give up. Eventually he will gain enough confidence to ask you or initiate with you. Good luck!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I liked a guy just like this... I found just talking to him and making cheeky jokes helped, like he would hang around me more often and be the first one to initiate convos etc...

    But then he turned out to be gay. So who knows haha.

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What Guys Said 3

  • OK well I'm a shy guy (not as shy as this guy, but shy when it comes to girls I like), so I'll tell you what you'll have to do. He's likely not going to approach you or tell you how he feels unless he's absolutely sure you like him, its just how most shy guys are. So you have a couple options on what to do. If you are one of those "guys always need to approach the girl" girls and will not approach him yourself then you need to make it blatantly obvious you like him or he likely won't say anything. When you two are studying by each other bring up personal conversation topics and ask him about himself, maybe touch his arm or hand in a flirty way and see how he reacts, or if there's no one else around maybe act interested in what he's working on and then lean in and put you head on his shoulder. These things will make it fairly obvious that your interested and will increase the chances of him approaching you. Your second option, if you don't mind doing the approaching, is to straight up tell him you like him and see how he reacts. Honestly, for a shy guy this may be best because even if he gets your hints he may still not make a move because he's too shy. Approaching him yourself may be the best way to get him to open up to you.

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  • From a shy guy himself, honestly, I'd say you're going in the right direction already. He's talking to you more than he talks to almost anyone else, and judging by those little things he does for you, I'd say he likes you. Now, this is the time where you gotta go get him. Try to start more conversations with him. With many shy guys, like myself, once you start talking to us and seem interested, we open up a lot more to you. Sp try to spend more time around him and start more conversations. And once he feels confortable with you and you guys get closer...
    The love can begin ❤️

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  • It's you who would have to do all the hard work in initiating and even propelling the relationship in initial stages.
    He is already closed to you and you have already broken the ice with him.
    As a shy guy myself i am bit curious, how/why can girls like shy/crippingly shy guys attractive? What's attractive/appealing in a shy guy who doesn't even talk much like other guys?

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What Girls Said 0

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