Do you think it is deceitful if at the start of dating they were great but later on they aren't?

Like at the beginning of the relationship he was cooking, doing laundry, never playing video games and always up for exploring.

Now it's none of it. He said he had to impress me but now that we are together, he doesn't have to anymore.

Have you been treated this way? At the beginning they are someone else, then they change to who they really are.

  • Yes it is
    78% (21)75% (18)76% (39)Vote
  • No it's not
    22% (6)25% (6)24% (12)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

0|1
8|17

Most Helpful Guy

  • When you first meet, each tries to be the very best of themselves, and like what the other likes, to get into the relationship, well, most do. Later, as they 'relax' with each other, they return to who they really are, and then decide they don't like each other!! Some actually marry, and sadly, some have kids!!!
    Why can't people just be themselves, meeting, and if you don't like them, as the REAL them, then move on! No harm, no foul!!
    Why waste months, pretending, only to have it end badly, when you finally figure out that they are not what they pretended to be, and you were lying, saying you liked sht that you HATE!!!
    Just be HONEST, and BE YOU, and don't waste all that time, endure the drama, and maybe have kids or get married, believing lies!!
    Real LIFE isn't like that!

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Of course. It is always an ACT until you start seeing how they REACT. They always put on the best versions of themselves to get you hooked right in. If your referring this to your husband, yes. It is considered as marriage fraud. He was being fraudulent with you just to get you. Many men do this. They put in so much energy, especially when it comes down to sex before marriage and once they get married, then its an excuse of why should they lift up a finger to help you, you should serve 'me' attitude.

    Overall the video games are not the problem, but its him being a sloth and most men become this in marriage after a while. And in the end it becomes a burden to the wife, yet they want to know why women complain, is a nag or a hag in a bag and is always fussing. How were unreasonable [unless its proven to be actually true with the person], and were over ally emotional! Men makes it feel this way because of what they do. They think going to work, being the breadwinner and helping us conceive kids is enough. Its not.

    There are still simple jobs men can do and provide in the house:

    -Pick up and CLEAN up after themselves
    -Help with dinner or at least help clean the dishes
    -Offer to do the laundry once in a while
    -Make up the bed, neatly. [it only takes 5 minutes of your life!]
    -Gentlemen, help her take care of your kid. Period. Especially when she just helped give birth to them? She is bound to be out of commission for a few days at best. And of course when she get surgery or is stuck at the hospital.

    If the guy can do all the things mother and wives can do like my great grandfather did for my great grandmother did. It would be a blessing to many good wives, to those that deserve good husbands. My great grandfather was raised by his single mother. And learned how to do the mans work and a woman's job. He helped his wife, my grandmother and late mother and aunt with everything. He would braid their hair, cooked full meals, went shopping without question, did laundry, work of course, and raised them when she was very sick for a while in and out the hospital. Got firewood, build and invent things, and did other manly duties as well. Nowadays many men and women included are not fit to be wives or husbands let alone parents. If people cannot use discernment and wisdom when choosing a spouse or dating partner, then its a major problem.

    Overall you married whom you married, you still put your foot down, love them and continue to be an example.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 16

  • Read "Mars and Venus on a Date". That topic is brought up. I think counseling is in order. People often will be someone else early in dating and put on a show. I think that is wrong. But the question really is, is he willing to do the things that attracted you in the first place? Why not... what are the issues. There may be bigger emotional issues going on and "negotiations".

    I have not been treated like this, but my friends who married each other had this issue... they eventually worked it out. It tears people up though.

    1|0
    0|0
  • That's what almost everyone does. When people start a relationship, the goal is to portray yourself to be as awesome as possible, to get as awesome of a partner as possible.

    Why on Earth would you expose all your negatives to someone, if you want their genitals? If everyone did so, no one would ever get into a relationship. At least, it would be significantly rare.

    So yes. It is deception. But so is everything else. When you go for a job interview, it's the same thing. Who is going to hire you if you say "Well, I'm really only here, because I need cash. I don't give a fuck about the job, and I'll probably be lazy. Oh, yeah, I also hate authority figures, so look forward to me questioning every move you make. I also never show up on time."

    No one would hire you.

    But when you're already hired, they've already put that investment into you, so it's difficult and more expensive for them to just fire you and start looking for another employee. Also because the unknown is a lot more risky than the known. So even if they realize that you're a shitty employee, they usually won't fire you--unless you do something really fucked up or are consistently really, really bad. If you just get the job done adequately, yes, that's different from how good of an employee you said you were; but, you win, because you got the job. You deceived them. But what would you do, otherwise? Just give up on eating?

    0|0
    0|0
  • You're hot
    This message has been endorsed by jeb bush

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think that dating is when you allow each other to see what you are really like and not a time to impress the other. It is the time where you make your decision if that is the person for you or not. It doesn't serve any purpose to be someone you're not then change later, especially if you want a good relationship.
    But what do I know, that is just my opinion

    1|0
    0|0
  • Not really deceitful... He just doesn't care that much anymore. He already did the work to impress you. Most, if not all, people do that, especially in relationships and virtually everything. Like people who work super hard for the 1st few months or year in a new job and then kinda tail off

    0|0
    0|0
  • True colors are more or less permanent in nature. You may act good and deceive your girl into believing that you worthy to be her partner. But as time goes on your true colors will come out and you will be exposed. Such things are experienced by a lot of people. Things start on a good note and then everything goes downhill.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's only deceitful if they actually lie about something in the beginning or claim to be one way only to find out they're another way as you get to know them.

    People tend to give their best version of themselves in the early stages for the best first impressions but you don't really know a person to get to know them more further down the road.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's deceitful and common as hell, unfortunately.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Seems to be the norm but it's not always deceitful we just get lazy when in a relationship or marriage and we really both have to work at it

    0|0
    0|0
  • thats just plain stupid. if that is the way is anyone then i'd say its no better. they shouldn't done all the things before too, its just like, they are showing you the false image of yourself to you then they get back being to an ass

    0|0
    0|0
  • it is deceitful to present a false image of yourself but I feel like everyone goes the extra mile when they first meet someone. The question is whether or not you like the real version.

    0|0
    0|0
  • What wrong with video games?

    1|1
    0|0
  • Yes it is deceitful i do agree. I never do that stuff to women ( girls)
    I'm whom i am the same on here as in real life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I voted no because half of the time it's the perception that changes, not the person.

    0|0
    0|0
  • that is some next level stuff i mean when im in a early stage of a relationship i am definitely in a trying zone and more willing to help but i would not completely stop either

    0|0
    0|0

1 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Girls Said 7

  • Absolutely deceitful and extremely frustrating. My did the same thing, he painted himself as an ambitious guy w/goals and interests, come to find out that was a show he put on for me (the career he talked about was total BS, he never planned on pursuing it). When I meet someone I'm honest, I hate cooking, so I tell them straight out "I don't like to cook". Be yourself because doing all the extra stuff to impress won't last long.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's not deceitful. He knows how to do these things. He is simply not motivated by you. I dated a guy once whose last girlfriend kept saying he was a lazy guy. When he was with me, he was highly active. We did most of the good stuff together like cooking and folding clothes. If I called and told him I couldn't wait to come home and hold him but that I needed to fold clothes first, he would have all the clothes folded for me. They were not folded the way I liked them, but I didn't say anything lol. I simply took that as a sign that he did that for me to have more cuddling time for him. When I asked about why his girlfriend complained about this, he said that she made it to where he couldn't stand being around her. Nothing made her happy and when he did help, nothing led to time with him and her. She only had more to nag about. Make life fun with your man and he will be inspired to help you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't think its deceitful per say. Everyone puta on their Sunday best for the first few dates.

    But i don't think you have to settle for his lack of effort either. Because his attitude sounds awful.

    But remember majority of people with treat you how you allow them to treat you. What this means is if he doesn't call anymore dont call him. Dont be picking up or responding when he does. Go on with life and live it and then get back to him. Don't be available everytime he expects you to stop life and be there. Make plans with friends or join a club! Sure, communicate your needs kindly "it would really make me feel appreciated if you could call ahead of time and make plans once or twice a week." but if he refuses don't reward his lack of effort with effort on your part.

    0|0
    0|0
  • yeah he's fake. if his true self doesn't make you happy- drop him. of course we all put our best foot forward to impress the one we like but he sounds fake af

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think that happens equally among both sexes after a relationship has gone on for a while.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's just not ok and it's a shallow way of thinking. If you love someone, you always care about this person and want to impress her etc. It is deceitful and unfair. This person lied earlier and was dishonest pretending to be someone else and used you and your feelings. Don't waste your time. And yeah, I've been treated that way.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dating just happens to be like that.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...