Is my boyfriend being selfish or am I being unreasonable to ask him to come to a destination wedding?

My cousin is getting married in Jamaica. Her destination wedding is planned for 8 months from now. I have been with my bad for 9 months. When I ask him about it he said he is thinking about it and not sure because a) he has a criminal record and doesn't know if he can get in b) it's gonna cost almost 1500 and he has been asked to go visit other countries with his friends that he feel would be cheaper and also more of his top choice. He says he'll think about it. I feel it would be selfish of him not to come just to go have vacation somewhere else without me just because it's more affordable. I told him I feel like he doesn't consider me in making his plans and it hurts me. Am I being too demanding or is my boyfriend selfish?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you are looking at this just from the perspective of what you want. If he can't afford to make that trip, he may be too embarrassed to admit that and your insistence will make it more difficult for him. If he wants to attend and he can afford it, he will go with you. If he can't afford it or really doesn't want to go, why would you want to coerce him into making the trip? If he goes because you pressure him, he may act resentful for most of the trip and that would not be fun for either of you. Part of a long term relationship is learning to do things independently of each other.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't say that choosing the more cost-effective destination is selfish. That sounds like he's simply being practical.

    You have to realize that just because you're in a relationship doesn't entitle you to dictate what he will do and not do. You asked him, not demanded. It sounds like you're being a bit overly demanding by insisting that you do EVERYTHING as a joint item, especially if it carries a $1500 price tag on it.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Is $1500 a lot of money? Does he already spend time with your family or would this be the first big event?

    I think those are your two options. 1) he does feel he can afford it 2) he doesn't want to be there regardless or the money.

    Figure out which and talk to him about it. If is just money, maybe you can figure out how to make it together. If its your family/something else you might have bigger problems.

    You said he has a record, does he think you family will call him on that?

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  • It's 1500 dollars so if he doesn't dig the destination and/or wouldn't enjoy the things you were going to do over there (IMHO it would suck to go to Jamaica and then waste the time going to a wedding instead of exploring the island itself) it's understandable he's a bit reluctant, especially since it's 8 months away while you've only been together for 9 months.

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  • he can consider you, but he doesn't have to do it

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yes, I think you're being too demanding. He's not even your fiance or husband and you've only been together for 9 months.

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