Boyfriend constantly on and off of dating sites... Don't know what to do?

So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years now. Everything in our relationship is fine for the most part, except that he keeps going back to ex's or dating sites.
He hasn't physically cheated on me, but for the past 5 years I've constantly caught him either talking to an ex or on a hook up or dating site like tinder and pof. For the most part it has always been innocent, but everytime I've seen it, I've asked him to delete them and he's super apologetic and deletes it... For a few months and then gets right back on it.
Just 3 days ago, I saw it pop up again and even though he's apologetic and everything again, I don't know if I should cut my losses and move on or what I can do about this situation!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If it was just ex's i would say he miss having them in his life i miss my ex every other day but never message her respected for my new girlfriend she was my friend before we dated. But if he on hook up sites talking to random girls i say why not test him?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not innocent. He's continuing to do it when he's been in a relationship with you for the last 5 years. I'm sure it hurts you so much to see him on those sites and searching for other women.

    Honestly, what I would do is say "Oh don't worry, stay on those dating sites because I am done!". Because you deserve so much better!

    It must hurt to think that he doesn't think you are enough that he has to go on these sites. Or that despite being in a relationship he needs to go on these sites and search out other women.

    I would cut your losses. It might hurt now, but you don't deserve to be with a guy who has one foot out of the relationship.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Ask him why he's doing it. And he has to be honest, too.

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    • 2mo

      I have several times and he never actually has a real reason. Sometimes he'll say it's because he had suspicions that I was talking to others, so he needed a back up plan. Other times, it's that he needed an ego boost that I wasn't giving him, there's always just an excuse.

    • 2mo

      @asker: sounds like he has trust issue. Have you ever done something doubtful before this?

    • 2mo

      "he had suspicions that I was talking to others" So what? Is that an excuse to do as he pleases?
      "it's that he needed an ego boost that I wasn't giving him" Boosting his ego isn't your job. But it is his to be loyal to you.

  • perhaps he's not going anywhere with you and he wants someone else who will. and when i say going somewhere im talking about love and sex.

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    • 2mo

      Maybe, but we've had our talks about marriage and it's not like we are not still intimate with each other.

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    • 2mo

      As in sex, but also... He's never actually cheated on me either

    • 2mo

      oh, but he seems ether a immature wannabe player or he's not really into you.

  • Wait. What? How can you even begin to think everything's fine if he's going back to exes? Or on dating websites? *Boggle* Cut yourself free and then work on your self-esteem.

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  • I'd break up with my girlfriend over this, if you don't break up with him, I'd say you deserve whatever you get, and I'd bet money you get cheated on. Maybe you already are. I'd certainly look into it.

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  • He's been doing this for five years and you've stayed with him?

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  • It looks like your boyfriend is after attention from females. Tell him how you see it, how you feel about it and ask him if he can to delet it and not repeating it again. Communication is the key, ask him what kind of attention he is not getting from you, but at the same time you should not do everything that he asks, a relationship should be about giving and taking from both sides for both.
    Maybe is kinda escapesim for him (like video games) try to understand what he is after.
    good luck

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  • If you wanna be with him long term you need to let him sow hit oats. If this isn't acceptable, no surprise, he won't stop this behavior bc his hormones are calling him to conquest.

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  • Yes you should cute your loses... You deserve better... A guy who will make you feel secure...

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  • Why are you still with him?

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  • Give him an ultimatum. There's no need for this and the fact that he keeps going back to them, tells me he will eventually cheat (unless he just likes the attention?). Say to him, "I've asked you to delete these and you keep going back, why? Last time I'm asking, delete these permanently or we're done!" Be firm and be prepared to stick to this.

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  • Ask him why.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Cheating doesn't have to be physical. If your boyfriend is always fantasizing about that hot classmate he has while he's having sex with you, do you call that cheating? Of course. It doesn't appear that he's considering your feelings. So, you should consider doing what he does -- going onto dating sites etc, to let him understand the hurt himself. If you know that he's not a caring person and will not even feel hurt, then yup, way past time to walk away.

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  • It appears Here, dear, he is still Hooked a bit to the Past, with Skeletons that are rattling your own cage. And he is also Looking and Lurking on Dating Sites. I am Seeing a few Red Flags.
    He may be Feeling like he is in this Relationship Rut with you. Time to Sit him down and have a serious Chat where it is At, before this Gets out of Hand with this Man, where you are back on Here with your SOS Sign.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Im sorry to say this but it does seem like he's keeping his options open, he can't be happy with you if he's on the hunt for someone else. If I were you, I would probably cut your losses before he does decide to cheat on you or leave you for someone else.

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  • why you stay with him if he is into his ex or dating websites? i'd end things at the beginning and not wait for 5 years!!

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  • For me it sounds like he is keeping his option open. Probably both of you have some trust issues that you guys need to work on.

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  • If he's in a committed relationship, being on a dating website is never innocent. Cut your losses, have some self respect, and leave.

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  • How many times have you caught him doing it? And the frequency?

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  • Woah... Thats a huge warning sign. Ex's? Visiting dating sites even after talking to him about it? red flag! I would cut ties. You've been together for 5 years, if he's looking at sites like that or talking to Ex's he's looking for other options. Leave before you get hurt.

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  • I'd dump him...

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  • Cut your losses. It's been 5 years

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