I can't tell how she feels and I'm not quite sure what to do. Does she actually like me or am I wasting time?

So I'm 26 currently working at a bar to pay the bills while I try and finish school. A really cute, nice, and caring (yea I like her a lot) girl whose the same age as me was hired. I'd say after about two weeks, give or take, we ended up getting drunk and hooking up. After that we chilled outside of work and probably hooked up like 6 or 7 more times. Here's the hard part, she's a widow of 6 months and she's dealing with a lot of stuff in her life right now, PTSD, anxiety, etc. So we hook up one last time and a few days later she texts me she doesn't want to hook up anymore but wants to stay friends. I, disappointingly, say sure. So she comes over and watches a movie the other night and we just hang out. Still sleep in the same bed. This is where things go awry. I drive her to work and find her bracelet on my night stand. I text her about the silver heart bracelet, she says it's mine before I could finish my joke text about that text being for another girl (she's the only girl I've been with since my ex). She laughs it off, there's a little banter, but this is what I say verbatim "Even so, we're not hooking up or a thing right? So it wouldn't of really mattered... Right? (meaning the braclet belonging to someone else. She says yes it would have. I ask her to extrapolate and I get the one word answer, no. I don't understand what she wants. So we're not hooking up, but I'm not allowed to hook up with other people? Is she just trying to get over the death before she can move on? Any insight would be helpful.
I can't tell how she feels and I'm not quite sure what to do. Does she actually like me or am I wasting time?


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What Girls Said 1

  • sounds like she does like you. I can't tell you everything that's going on in herb life or mind, but I would let her know that if you two are going to be just friends then you will date whoever you want. however, make it clear that your 1st preference is her, but if she doesn't want that then there's no in between, you will continue to date. don't let ANYONE lock you down without committing

    • Thanks... That's pretty much what I'm thinking. It's time to **** or get off the pot. Like we still playfully grope each other a tiny bit sometimes but I was just baffled when she said she'd be bothered if I had another girls jewelry. I was talking to one of the girls at the gym I go to, as a friend, and pretty much told her I don't mind waiting for her to be ready but if someone nice comes a long before that time comes I'm not passing up on that opportunity

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    • I don't know if you're still on, but I'm curious to know if you have a reason for why she didn't want to explain to me why should would be upset?

      Is it because the death is still somewhat fresh or she just doesn't know how handle all the emotions coming at her at once. I don't know of mentioned it, but today was the 6th month anniversary...

    • yeah I didn't know it was exactly the 6 month anniversary. I'm almost sure that has something to do with it. she prob doesn't want to talk about what's wrong bc even tho he's passed she doesn't want to break down on you and talk about all the memories and emotions she's feeling about him. she probably is ready to move on (or at least trying to) but isn't all the way there yet. understandable...

What Guys Said 1

  • I'm a widower. 8 months now and I have not started dating yet, although there is someone I like and hang out with. We have not had anything physical yet, but there are lots of hints.

    There is a lot of guilt involved. Give her time, she still loves her husband. They didn't leave each other he was taken away.

    It sound like she likes you and doesn't want you to be with anyone else

    If you are going to do this you have to be prepared to go show and even take steps backward. Don't push her give her time.

    • Ya after we slept together she said she felt guilty, like she was cheating. Like, I like her a lot, but say she isn't ready for a year, and I meet a really nice girl in three months I dont think I'll be able to hold off

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    • We talked about me moving on. She did want me to love again, but I told her at the time I wouldn't be able to and now I want to.

    • I'm sure things won't change overnight, but as shitty as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. A new relationship may be able to distract you from those negative feelings that are bringing you down and bring some joy into your life