Has anyone experienced this?

I started dating this guy. And we feel passionate about each other but it fades in and out with no "spark". However, we are really similar, finish each others sentences and get each other on a deeper level. He said we will see what happens but we are definitely more than friends. He makes plans with me and treats me more than a friend. We have told each other that we are a great match but no spark. We have been on around 4 dates and just met 3 months ago. Is there a such thing as a spark?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like you two would make fantastic friends.

    No spark sometimes means that there isn't something outstanding about them that makes you nervous of losing their interest, but it also means you feel safe with them. A relationship can survive like this.

    I am currently in this struggle right now... I just ended a relationship with my boyfriend of a year and a half. He is a great person—wonderful personality—but the spark wouldn't ignite. There was something missing; for me, it was emotional intimacy.

    There is a guy at my college that I went out with recently, and the feeling is different. It's not a spark—it is more like a warm ember. I think nervousness and novelty causes the spark, and emotional/sexual chemistry causes the warmth. I was nervous on my first date with him, but he is very easy to be around... I think that's why I don't feel that spark. I'm not scared of him at all.

    I could be wrong... That's just my experience. But a relationship can survive without it. Actually, this need for a "spark" is part of western culture. Other cultures often marry without it. I am a psychology major, and am learning about human interaction.

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    • 2mo

      Why would he say we could not be just friends?

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    • 2mo

      He asked if we could be friends I said maybe and he looked like he was going to cry. And said we are always going to be more then friends we have a deep emotional attatchment and he said he is attracted to me. All his past spark relationships ended in drama. And he doesn't like me to pay for anything. My friend says he might want me to say i want a relationship so he knows he won't lose me, is this true?

    • 2mo

      Yeah, it sounds like he feels the exact same way as you. Why not give it a shot? If it doesn't work out, then you could be friends. You could always remember why you can't date, but still have that awesome friendship. My friend Alex and I are like this. We're super close, and the awkward will go away.

What Guys Said 1

  • help:

    I am straight not gay.. But one day a male friend of mine started touch my penis then got it out of my zip and sucked it jerked it till I came. I loved the feeling. .

    How do you explain this?

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What Girls Said 1

  • I went on a date with a guy like this too. We lasted only 2 months because there was really no spark between us and it ended up just being really awkward. There definitely is such a thing as a spark, because I can feel it between myself and my boyfriend now and everything is great.

    I think maybe you should see how it goes between the two of you for a little longer, maybe a spark will show up, but if not then I think you should move on.

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    • 2mo

      Relationships can exist without sparks; it's just more fun when they do. Old married couples exist without the spark, so it is possible.

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