HELP! I'm in love with my coworker who leads me on but I'm "Not what he's looking for". Advice?

When I started with my company almost a year ago and I first saw him, there was something different about him.

As I began my career, him and I started getting to know each other. He showed a lot of interest in me. We would flirt and he would text me pretty frequently. At this point he suddenly pulled away because he had been taking a girl out on dates at the time and felt guilty for showing interest in me. Shortly after that, he stopped dating her. He hinted at taking me out on a date but was insistent that I let him ask me. So a couple more months go by of flirting, texting, joking about being each other's office spouses etc. and at this point I'm patiently waiting for him to ask me out.

Then one one week everything fell apart. He went out of town on business for our company and we were texting. We had always joked about when other people showed interest in the other. Kind of a way to express jealousy. This came up through our texting conversation and he got weird when i said "wouldn't you care if I started dating someone?". He pulled away and told me he was scared and that he's sorry that nothing will ever happen between us. I was distraught and confused. So when he got back, I brought it up and he didn't really want to talk about it. He was very vague and I started getting emotional. It blew up into a dramatic scene with me getting in my car and speeding off after he told me to just leave. Things were awkward for a bit.

So now we're in this cycle of him flirting, pulling back and flirting again and it's hurting me. He knows I have fallen for him. He gets jealous when other guys show interest and he always finds ways to touch me despite knowing that he doesn't see a future with me. Recently, he even said that "I'm not what he's looking for". How can someone act this way and be so obviously interested and smitten but reject the possibility of something amazing? Something that feels so right?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would drop it. I don't know about you, but I want someone who is sure of me and will pursue me and woo me because I am worth that and more. You're probably very cute and awesome which is why he is smitten, but he doesn't want to pursue it.
    I get the work issue but honestly if two people like each other enough that is a non-issue. Let him be. Do your own thing now that you guys haven't even dated. If he comes around so be it. If he doesn't you are exploring other fish in the sea.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I would honestly just stop talking to the guy and see what if sacks up and does something or just lets you go. What's going on right now isn't healthy and you should be focusing on someone that won't screw around with you like this.

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    • 2mo

      I would stop talking to him if I could. But unfortunately I work with him - in the same cubicle 😩

    • 2mo

      Well that certainly is an even better reason to at the very least distance yourself and start living a life that doesn't evolve waiting around for this dude. Imagine if you did get together and something went wrong. Then you have to sit damn near next to the guy all the time and it would be pure torture.

  • Sounds like he's emotionally unavailable. It's more common in women but guys have it too. It'll be tough tbh.

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  • move on, you deserve someone that has time for you

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  • This is a common subject. People always ask questions about getting together with co-workers.

    This is a terrible idea.

    Why?

    Because, everyone will talk about this. No, you cannot keep it a secret. Everyone knows "who's doing who". People can see the subtle looks, body language, etc. People will talk about you, in some cases, negatively, because they know it isn't cool.

    If the 2 parties are overt in their relationship, it creates a nonprofessional environment, which can lead to difficulties with the bosses.

    THEN, if the relationship fails. What then? Well, the talk gets worse. The two parties themselves may talk poorly about the other person. Rumors are started. True or false, a bad environment ensues.

    Nothing good becomes of this.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I am sorry, but he's not truly interested in you. If he was, nothing would stop him from being with you.

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