Should I pursue or back off?

So this guy I like he has been seeing a girl for a month and says he's getting attached. But, him and I have been teasing/flirting for several months and recently texting (before he told me about the other girl). So we recently went out with some friends and talked he said he's confused and ever since him and I have been texting he's been thinking about me. My question is, should I completely back off and leave him be with the girl he is seeing ( they are not official) or ask him on a date? he said the girl has 2 kids and I have none, but when I asked if he thought him and I would be more compatible because of that he was like "not necessarily, I like kids" what did he mean by that?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He meant he likes kids and it won't effect his decision. Sometimes we want to read more into something said that doesn't exist. Based on what you said, I would tell you to go for it. He left the door wide open for a reason and that is a good sign. Remember, this is his decision. Don't make your time together all about him making a choice. I would advise that if he keeps seeing this other girl after a while, you need to think about moving along. Many men like to see more than one lady and enjoy what they get from each one. To be totally honest with you, I think you have a player here and that never ends up good for anyone but him. His comments to you give me that feeling. Be careful. Only you can protect yourself form being hurt in the end. I wish you the best in whatever you decide!

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    • 2mo

      Well I don't think he's a player... He liked me before this girl but then I started seeing a guy and he started seeing her... And then I ended things and realized I really liked him but now he's seeing this girl... We never had alone time prior so I guess he took that opportunity to tell me to my face. I think he feels conflicted.

    • 2mo

      That information changes everything. If he is wanting to see you, go with what you feel best with. If he decides to go with you, don't start seeing someone else while with him. Just remember that we can't make someone like or love us, it has to happen naturally. Pay attention to his actions, not just his words no matter how much you want to believe him. Actions never lie. Since you seem to be okay with him still seeing the other girl while seeing you as well, go for it and see how it plays out. You have nothing to lose and, maybe, everything to gain. As far as the guy who said you were going too slow, he's clueless. I didn't read one thing you've written that says anything like that. You are approaching it like an adult would, not an immature 31 year old.

    • 2mo

      Ok thanks 😊

Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 20

  • It means he likes kids so that isn't the difference between you two.

    well, this is toughie because if he isn't committed to the other girl, then you aren't breaking anything. I know people who date more than one person, so as long as you are confident he isn't committed to this other girl, I say date him, but hold back on "all the goodies" until he decides which route he is going to take. He needs to clear is head on what he wants.

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    • 2mo

      Good advice, thank u! Yes, I kinda just want to hang out and see if we are compatible but no sex until he decides what he wants.

  • Well, he is just saying his confusion isn't because of her kids and dating or not dating her has nothing to do with her kids. As for should you pursue or not, well, I believe once you start seeing someone, you are automatically exclusive and should not be seeing someone else. Therefore, I would think you are being a boyfriend stealer. I think you want him more now simply because he is seeing this other woman and you see him now as being more desirable since this other woman is seeing him. Basically you want what you can't have. Honestly, you had your chance before, you just didn't make a move and it is too late.

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    • 2mo

      Well that is valid, however I wanted him when I realized how much I liked him and the other girl has decreased my feelings for him. Him seeing someone else has such created frustration not desire.

  • Your whole situation sounds like there's not enough flirting and teasing going down enough to figure things out just yet. Looks like you guys are "just friends" from what you wrote even though he had said not necessarily to which I say being your flirt game and start pursuing because he isn't totally sold on the idea of getting close to the other just yet. Good Luck.

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    • 2mo

      Well... When we left our group we made out several times and there was some cuddling...

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    • 2mo

      @Lioness -sounds like your taking things too slow no offense. If that's your pace then so be it, but he may not pick up on that and may think you are not interested.

    • 2mo

      What? How am I going slow?

  • @Lioness keep persuing this guy because as you've said, he and the other girl aren't official yet. The fact that this woman has 2 kids will pose a problem for him in the long run because her kids will always come first ahead of the guy.

    My exGF had a 2 year old son who was very difficult. It placed a lot of strain on our relationship because of it (i won't go into details) and we broke up. Bottomline, this guy would be far better off with you as there is no child in the picture and he'll be much happier 😆

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  • If you and he are comparable. Have something in common. can get along with each other? Then go do it! But he made the comment about kids. Which means he may want kids from you. If your ok with that fine, but if your not it could be a problem. he might want to be a daddy.

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  • I don't see anything wrong with asking him on a date if that's what you want to do. If he feels he is only interested in her, then it's up to him to tell you that.

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  • So basically he was flirting/teasing with you then met this woman but continued flirting/teasing with you -sigh- guys those days. Compare to the others i would say if you like him and want more then fight for him, girl (you're older than me but nvm XD)

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    • 2mo

      Yeah... It's complicated 😛 But at least he was honest with me.

  • He said that because he doesn't think you like kids for whatever reason.

    You already know my stance on this.

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    • 2mo

      What do u mean? He said it negatively like comparing her against me as in , she has kids but you don't, so in that way him and I would be a better match.

    • 2mo

      Now I'm confused. Do you mean that he does like kids so therefore him and her would be a better match since she has kids.

      Or that he doesn't like kids and you don't have any so it would be a better match.

    • 2mo

      Haha sorry... I took it as he was saying she has kids so makes things complicated but I don't... I took it as he was using her having kids as an excuse why he's not all in but when I asked he said " no, I love kids" I thought it meant he wants his own kids?

  • Has anything physical ever happened between you two or has it just been teasing and flirting

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    • 2mo

      Just a few days ago we were drinking and left the group and started making out and having our own little adventure... But that's it

  • I think you have asked enough. It seems, by what you have posted here, that he has already made his decision.. I completely understand having feelings for someone where all attention is pointed that way. But you need to back off and see if they work out or not. Really, if I was you I wouldn't even bother talking unless he leaves her and decides to pursue you.

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    • 2mo

      Not really... Or not completely

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    • 2mo

      He has not made his decision about her, he has doubts

    • 2mo

      Ok, but why not just keep doing your own thing in the meantime? If he's really into you then he will come your way..

  • Ask him out... girl Go where you have never gone before...

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  • Well you two aren't exclusive with anyone yet. What's wrong with just continuing to date? At some point though you might want to ask yourself if it's worth pursuing a guy who isn't sure you're the one he wants to be with. I mean you want

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    • 2mo

      He's seeing a girl that hit him up on FB from his HS they used to hook up. I'm not dating him, but apparently he's been interested for like 6 months and i didn't know really even though he would tease/ flirt. Problem is I realized my feelings for him a month too late and he is starting to get attached to her but still likes me?

  • All's fair in love and war

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  • You had your chance to pursue for months. You better act fast cuz he gave up on you and found another girl. Now he's having second thoughts

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    • 2mo

      Well to be fair I didn't know I liked him and when I realized I was with someone and then broke things off and now he's seeing someone... But more casually

  • Chances are if he's getting emotionally attached to her, he might reject you quicker than a second.

    I think you should move on with another guy, and then make a conversation and give him compliments.

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  • still go for it

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    • 2mo

      Why you say that? He says he's getting attached to her...

  • get with me babe, i can do it as many times as you want. doing it right everytime ;)

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  • Back off and stay out of weird situations in the future.

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  • I think you should give him oral sex that will make him like you more than the other girl

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  • Why don't you just bang me

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What Girls Said 1

  • I would back off if I were in your position. If he liked you, he would leave her for you.

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    • 2mo

      Not necessarily... He's getting attached to her but he had feelings for me before her just I was seeing someone at the time 😕

    • 2mo

      Damn, that sucks. The timing was not right :/

    • 2mo

      Yeah... I work with him but she lives at least an hour from him so I see him like every day 😒

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