How do you fight getting attached/infatuated early on?

This rarely happens to me, but you ever get times where you meet someone and on the first or second date, you end up catching feelings for them and can't control it?

I've had it happen a few times and it kinda sucks, especially if it doesn't work out. Having said that, when I do, I at least become aware of it so I don't come off too eager/excited around the person but when you're away from the person you can't help but think of the person a lot because of how much of an impression they left you.

Usually it happens if a girl has a lot in common with me, is very attractive, and we hit it off, get physical early on.

I just wish there was a way to control it so you don't get too excited that you're disappointed.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just don't think about them at all, until they text or call... That way you have nothing to cling to. + never listen to some romantic music and then atart fantasizing about them. Just don't do it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If anybody knows any good suggestions let me know

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What Girls Said 14

  • This happens to me all the time. The only thing I can say is to be careful how much you read into things. If things are going well, just be happy they are good in the moment. Don't read into it as being a forever thing. Because often people put their best foot forward in the beginning.

    I'm just like you. I always get excited when things are going well in the beginning and then I get really disappointed and sad when the person just stops being so amazing :(

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  • I used to get attached too quickly , but experience has taught me that's it's naive to get attached to anyone so soon.

    I just acknowledge that not everyone who comes into your life intends to stay, so I control my feelings and emotions until I know for sure they are there for the long run. Recognising it's me who will get hurt if I get attached too soon prevents me from getting emotionally attached to people in the initial stages of getting to know them

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  • You don't catch feelings, its either there or it isn't. In order to have self control over that, you need to accept the fact that you are attracted to that person, but don't take it any further then what you already have. Don't get physical either. Touch is very important. And it either sends the right signals or the wrong ones. And no matter what side its on, you will get attached in someway.

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  • You might want to think about what are your deal breakers?
    Also not every female you meet will be like the 'one' and it does take time to get to know who they really are. First impression and beauty does make many guys sway. But you have to remember what I'll effects will you have if you jump the gun so fast. Words and pretty faces only last so long. You have no idea what's behind that door. So remember there is more fishes in the sea to stay hooked to one person so fast.

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    • 2mo

      I know not every girl is not the one. Like I said, it rarely happens. I'm just saying, there's been times where I really hit it off with a woman compared to others. I get that it takes time to develop.

      The most recent one I thought was cool and then after our last date, I found out how shady the person was. I mean I never thought she was perfect but I liked her more than others I've dated.

    • 2mo

      I'm sorry that she was shaddy to you. But do I understand there is some that you do get hooked onto fast. Hmm, have you ever looked up the science of attraction? I wish I could give you some website to check out, but I have to be level two. Sorry about that.
      So the science of attraction gots to do with facial symmetry, our hormones, smell, voice and body language and mirroring. Basically psychology. Women emmet of hormones that helps attract men they find attractive. Mirroring is when you copy other people body language and develop a rappor with that individual. We all do it to gain acceptance with people we like or find attractive. Yet, there're so many different things about attraction and what your attracted to that I really suggest that you look into psychology. That has helped me a lot in understanding myself and what's going on deep in my subconscious. I do suggest that you look into the science of attraction tho, it would benefit you a lot. I hope this helps some. ☺

    • 2mo

      Yeah I'll have to read it. Is it a book or an article?

      But yeah it's shitty because I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time and while I did have some uncertainties while seeing her, she still led me on and used me, only to toss me aside like garbage.

  • I have to work hard to bring feelings out, so I guess I'm lucky. I always found it easy to stifle any genuine liking I took to someone, and just make it physical if that's all I wanted.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah I can only do that for some

  • I guess ignore those feelings.. and think of other things maybe? or I guess more than one option will suffice

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  • No, because you're human. Heartbreak is life. Learn to deal with it.

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    • 2mo

      Heartbreak does happen but I got led on, rebounded, and played only to be tossed aside like garbage.

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    • 2mo

      I hope you're able to heal from this and find a nice girl to date. You can't really control how you feel about a person. If you're too stand off-ish up front a new girl will catch negative vibes and might be turned off to you and that's the end of something that could've been great. I recommend trying to put this behind you so you don't unintentionally scare off other girls. The last thing you need is to let your bad experience taint potential relationships with other women. She's over and done with and her games with you shouldn't be allowed to affect how you interact with other interested girls. It sucks and it hurts, but don't let it control you.

    • 2mo

      I'm not letting it keep me from talking to other women. In fact there's 2 women I have dates with this week. And I sure as hell ain't gonna bring up anything about it to them for that sole reason.

  • What I did was make a list of everything that's not-so-great about them. i did this when i was trying to get over a crush, I don't know if this will help

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  • i have the same problem but i'm used to it by now.

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  • Do not wear your heart on your sleeve

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  • Don't get your hopes up. Get to know the person for who they really are despite their cute face. Try to look for hints that they feel the same way. Don't just fall so deep when the person is moving at a much slower pace. Look for patterns from your previous romances. Where did things usually start to go left? What mistakes could u improve on? (Well one of the first mistake is like u said u tend to fall too fast sometimes ) I use to be like this but I started to just take my time & try to get to know the guy for who he actually is not for who I'd want him to be. I also try to find pattern & believe it's so helpful (for me anyways, can't speak for everybody) But I hope this helps u!

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    • 2mo

      Agreed. I mean I wasn't making the girl into something she wasn't. She really did have a lot in common with me and we clicked in many ways. I never thought she was perfect either but yeah sometimes you can be wooed by someone in the beginning only to be disappointed by what's really going on in the long run.

  • Try to never get attached. I read it's unhealthy scientifically, and it's true. Always depend on yourself for your happiness. Loving someone is far different from attachment

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  • Don't control it... it'll make it tougher if things work out. Don't always prepare for being let down because if you do then eventually thats what you put out there and you could end up messing yourself up. Alittle pain is good... keeps ya human.

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    • 2mo

      By control it, I mean not to spill my feelings out early on or act like I need the person.

    • 2mo

      but you should still register that the person matters... keeps you human. Don't suppress it. it's okay to have a few walls just don't wall yourself in... you know?

    • 2mo

      true.

  • hi and mmmm not sure there is a solution to this one, the whole chemical functions that go on beyond our control has always intrigued me, falling in love could you really put down to mere chemicals that gradually fade around the one year mark the official honeymoon period, your realisation moment which you say makes you then more aware of your actions appearing a little more cautious could you consider by doing this that in itself has an effect on the outcome with the girl because one minute your thriving and loving the energy and then you react and i bet she can feel that.. some people just feel more than others i can be like you sensing the intensity of it and it can be a bit challenging, if thats the way you are i could suggest trying to go with it for as long as it lasts because either way it will work out or not so why not enjoy the kick of it for as long as possible xx

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