Can Someone Please walk me through the online rules of dating or just dating in general, because I think I expect too much too early?

ill explain with my current situation (I have not yet messed it up thankfully... I usually do).

I met a guy online. Honestly, I think he's the type to just talk to women on tinder without any intention of meeting with them. We've been talking for a while now, and we have come close to meeting, but he sneaks out each time. He isn't a catfish. We have mutuals on Facebook and I've met his brother before. The thing is, it has been awhile and we both are in full contact. We have talked overnight for hours on end. He works almost full time and is in a band, and will be touring all next month and spring. I've said I understand he's busy and building his life, etc. We get along very well in person; but he told me he spends most of his time alone. Anyways, he had been off tinder for a good month since he didn't have a phone. I got rid of my tinder and was really into him. My friend said just last night she matched with him on tinder and he said hello! To her. She unmatched with him right away. I feel really bummed... I know we aren't dating and he has FULL rights to talk to whoever... But why would he talk to her if he could talk to me? Why, if he's interested in me (and he is, he told me), why would he feel the need to as far as I know, talk to other women online? I don't think he is getting many matches... Since he spoke to her right away... He isn't like a lady killer either. He's like a small, quiet guy. I just feel super bummed because I thought he was thinking of me as much as I was him.

Updates:
2mo When I said we get along in person, I meant online... We haven't met in person yet

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm confused because it sounds like you never met. If you haven't then he isn't that serious of a guy and he's talking to whoever. Maybe he is interested, but he's playing his options or he doesn't know what he wants. Until he's committed, count any guy as not committed!

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    • 2mo

      We haven't met. And I agree, he shouldn't be committed... And I get since he's touring a lot he probably doesn't want a relationship and very well could be just wanting random hook ups. It's just when he and I talked, I made it clear I wasn't into that, and he was like oh of course and we still continued to talk. I guess I'm just confused as to why he has reopened a tinder account when he knows I'd meet him, not to mention I'm quite attractive and we get along. I don't understand? Like why wouldn't he try to meet me instead of talking to a whole new chick? I don't know if he was going to meet her either, but it still was kinda like huh

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    • 2mo

      I think so. if you want to be a buddy and chat with him, it is your choice. But, he would be getting in the way of you finding someone else. So, I'd let him do his thing...

    • 2mo

      Okay.. I'll give it a go. Thank you!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Guys (in my experience) have a tendency to play the field a lot, especially when it comes to online dating. The biological reason is that in the caveman days they would do this a lot to make sure the population of their group was sufficient and sustained. I think there's a biological reason that still has ahold of guy's brains somewhat, but I also think that there's another aspect to it. It's the curiosity of what else is out there that keeps them looking. Also you might not've convinced him that he wants to be with you and that's why he's looking still. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but just because he's interested in you doesn't mean he wants to be exclusive with you.

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    • 2mo

      Sure, that makes sense... But I guess, I've been trying to meet him to see if we'd get along, and we haven't yet.. So I'm confused why he wouldn't meet me first before talking to new women since he's interested?

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    • 2mo

      I deleted my tinder but he couldn't have known. We talk on Facebook. And we have mutuals but none I am close with.. Online friends only.

    • 2mo

      I might try to invite him out again. If he says no then you can ask him if he's interested in going out on a date with you at all. I know it might hurt if he says no, but at least you'd know and wouldn't be in limbo anymore.

What Guys Said 2

  • Did you try talking to him about whether or not he was still on there? Or that you were exclusive?

    Keeping in mind, that's not something *I* would have done... he didn't do anything wrong if you didn't agree to exclusivity.

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    • 2mo

      No because I didn't feel like it was even an option to. We haven't officially met... I would never expect someone to be committed to me like that... But at the same time, I feel like it's just one of those things? Like I deleted my tinder because I was super into him. I didn't even question it... So if he doesn't do the same... He's not interested is how I read it. I know he didn't do anything wrong, that's why I can't be mad, but I'm just disappointed because I've been trying to meet him, and yet he has enough time to chat with someone else online. Or as my friend brought up, maybe he just likes chatting with women online but doesn't want to meet any. I just don't know what to feel anymore, or if I should continue to show interest..

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    • 2mo

      That's how I am... I focus only on one person. I don't know, I guess only time will tell

    • 2mo

      Yup, but that's how YOU are. Again, again, again... Unless you communicate expectations and agree on exclusivity... Don't expect it.

  • By the way i see it, he's kind of shy (i'm like that) online i was a womanizer i talked to any girl without a problem and flirt with all of them but when it comes to seeing them in person i kind of became nervous don't really know what to do, so next time try to invite him and don't make it sound like a date just say it casually (we should totally go to (place) sometimes) and a place where you both can have fun would be nice

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What Girls Said 1

  • In dating there is no rules but the rule you and this person make for a relationship. Do not follow what other people are doing, unless they are giving you sound advice. But if he is doing all of that, I think the wise thing to do is not contact him for a while and see how he responds. If he doesn't do anything or show any kind of interest, then you will know wither or not he genuinely likes your or is playing games.

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